Plead the fleeting moment to last

another one joins the club!

2011-12-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

Girly nites are always fun... a good time to catch up with the ones that matter, a time to share what's been going on with each other, and a time to just be goofy and be yourself.

good friend of mine's joining the club with the ring.. and i'm so happy for her. been through shit and tough times in recent years and things are finally settling down. albeit in a sorta whirlwind sorta way, but hey, being in love, doing crazy things and living on the edge is what makes life interesting rite? :)

love truly transforms all skeptics and i honestly believe that someway somehow, things will always work itself out. you just gotta hang in there.

i'm hoping that my other girly can find this crazy silly bliss soon. heh... i know it'll happen, and it's always when you least expect it. i hope he'll knock her off her feet and make sure she's safe whilst not on her feet. haha..

so yea... everything changes... loving every moment of it!!

xoxo girlies!!!

how to stay afloat...

2011-09-30T18:51:00.002+08:00

things seem to be going well... but i dunno..

maybe a nice romantic, just us day would've been nice enough, but apparently it's not... a nothing-else-is-planned-so-we-can-rest-and-spend-time-doing-things-together day turned into a silent house with just the sound of the teevee in the background. i dun even feel like being in the same room without wanting to scream... and i am screaming... inside.

what on earth did i do or say wrong?

anyways.... i'm worried about the studio... we're getting gigs and stuff, students etc.. so much so that the studio biz seems to have taken a backseat to what our main biz was suppose to be. maybe we should just do without the studio, save some money with the construction of the booth and concentrate on the gigging aspect of the biz...

or maybe we can come up with some form of partnership with some other studio and do more of a off-site producer/editing/recording engineer. i dunno...

are we losing focus on the things that should matter?

so yea... things seem to be going well... good moments... but i don't really quite know what's going on underneath it all. just floating... and wondering how we can keep it that way... and hope no current too strong comes this way..

oh but then again, i like riding waves.. oh well, bring it..

random

2011-05-15T15:14:00.002+08:00

howdy!

brandy's currently lying on my lap and whiskey's trying to hump her... these two crazy bitches are gonna go for doggie run later in the park! yay!!! thanks to my dear father-in-law who's a saint driving us around and driving the girls so they can go play.. methinks he's making up for the lack of grandchildren at this point.. haaaa....

work's been pretty okay, there's a new recording project coming up and the man's gonna be performing at a regular place on wed nites so that's more income! but the more the merrier as usual.. so it's still work work and getting more work! i hope he doesn't faint or ... i dunno... lose his mind..

still can't seem to find that silly woman who owes us money... fucking retard... that moron's apparently selling insurance... oh gawd i pity whoever her clients are.. playing the "i'm-so-poor-thing-i-got-no-money" card does not work on me... stupid bitch. because of her our finances are in a mess. FUCKING RETARD!!!! i fucking hate you!!!!!

so yea.. the money coming in just doesn't stay in and i just wish this financial nightmare will be over soon. hopefully we can pay off all our debts before we leave for austria... or max at the end of the year so that everything that comes in after that will be INCOME.

fucking shithead sophia... fuck you understand???

okay back to zen mode...

imma go cook lunch now... :P

looking back on 2011's first 1/4

2011-04-06T14:57:00.003+08:00

omg.. either the year's passing really fast, or... no, the year's passing really fast. it's already april! well, 1st quarter done, been a pretty ok one so am just gonna keep this up.

it's been crazy around the world and i wonder if our next generation will be able to witness half its madness. i kinda feel blessed to be in living in this lifetime though, i mean, alot of sadness and suffering that really makes me think about what is important to me. like... truly impt...

i always seem broke but i'm still getting fat so i can't be that broke, compared to those suffering without a roof over their heads, or wondering where their next meal will be coming from, or worst, where their loved ones are or if they're even alive. so i wun complain anymore.

i always stress myself up when jobs dun seem to be coming in or that i'm not climbing up the corporate ladder that my friends are climbing, but compared to those that dun have jobs, can't have jobs or are sick and tired of their jobs sucking away their lives but can't do anything about it, methinks i'm quite blessed to have a job i really love and to actually call my own. hard work it is, but nothing comes easy, so i wun complain anymore.

i always feel trapped when i wanna enjoy myself, going wherever, drinking whenever but i have responsibilities as a wife and mother (to my dogs), and sometimes i wonder why i tie myself down to these... but when i look back on the irresponsible lifestyle i had and the mistakes i've made, i thank God for giving me the love of my life and the two bitches. they are the ones that make sure i end the day with a smile and a sigh of contentment just by being themselves, so i wun complain anymore.

i think i'm okay... baby, if you ever read this, i think we're okay... *smiles*

exactly what's engraved in our little ring of dedication, responsibility and love to each other...

we're livin on a prayer everyday and 愛 is just 很簡單 when you have someone with you every step of the way... so i wun complain anymore..

Happy Wabbit Year!!~~!!~

2011-02-07T02:32:00.002+08:00

Business is up and running... yay!!!

Now that THAT big hurdle is done, here comes the bigger hurdle.. getting business eh?? sigh... never owned my own company, but this is a damn good challenge and if i've been putting in 100% in all my other jobs, time to triple that energy and get me some dough...

that said... this year has been pretty alright, for now... (i'm not gonna jinx it since it's only feb). some ups and some minor minor downs that's only teaching me to be stronger so that's good.

some little mini wabbit goals that i'm gonna try to hop towards by the end of the year includes...

1) getting out of debts by june

2) staying in the black and making profits by end of the year

3) LOSE 5 (*(&^%$ing kgs by may

4) finalise home issues by june

5) MORE GIGS!!!!!

hokay!! tomorrow's a new beginning... end of crazy-eating-and-drinking cny weekend.

finally...

1.5 more days...

2010-12-30T15:05:00.003+08:00

to the end of this dreaded year... i can't wait for 2011, that's assuming that 2011 will bring about better times.

the studio is still not done and stupid incompetent people are delaying the progress and there's nothing i can do about it coz everyone's just fucking uncontactable.

and i'm down with a bad flu.. just 1.5 days before 2010 ends and something MUST make me feel like shit.

omg... kill me now...

just needed to let it out...

2010-11-30T18:56:00.002+08:00

and yes, it's been a looong while.

While it's been a very interesting rollercoaster ride of a year, nothing bugs me more than recent happenings between friends.

it's sad when people wait till matters are 'unsalvagable' to start speaking up. and it's bugs me when people are still always stabbing each other in the back. why can't friends approach and clarify and you know.. stab in the front if you are so adamant that you are right instead of being so .... hmmm.. backstabbing?

people are entitled to their opinions and i'm fine with it. i have no right to say who's right or wrong, but i do believe that before one starts pointing fingers at others just to feel better about themselves, look at yourself in the mirror first.

who's a better friend? one who is plain and simply a friend, who tells you to shaddup when you should, tells you to buck up when you're slacking, tells you you're fucking wrong when you are and accepts you for whatever you are?

or someone who sugarcoats words, treading carefully as if there's a hidden agenda in everything they say?

sure they make you feel good, and you can go through life thinking you're all right and yes, you might just go through life thinking you're really alright and that everyone else is wrong... does that teach you to be a better person? guess no... coz you dun fall and you dun learn to get up.

i prolly sound like i'm whining, and i guess i am. but i'm sick of people drawing conclusions and assumptions without getting the facts right first. jumping to conclusions just make you look like a fucking kid at the end of the day.

okay... i'm done... c'est la vie..

chirpy chirpy chip chip

2010-09-01T09:20:00.004+08:00

hokay! good morning world! i am officially free from the scary place and am moving on to the next exciting journey! (again)

september is gonna be the month of extreme changes:

1) The Right Frequency is officially in business and i am officially self-employed!!

2) Moving out of this commonwealth home and into a new abode in Jurong (for now)

3) Just applied for the sale of balance flats coz they finally launched it so keeping fingers crossed

4) New location for the studio since the resort is gone-sayonara-adios-bye bye

5) Looks like i'll be NEEDING a new phone coz the old new phone ever since my iphone got stolen dropped into the toilet bowl and drowned.

6) Alcohol free me!! for now coz my very convenient supply of booze isn't the healthiest thing and i'm getting the bellys.

7) Exercise... er... we'll see how that goes.. but the man is very on the ball so yea...

for a start, i'm up at 8.. actually since 4am coz i got home drunk last nite at... ahem.. 8.30pm so so so... no more (free) booze!!!

so yeap... good day world! i'm finally freeeeeeeee!!!!!

should i ...

2010-08-01T14:44:00.002+08:00

thinking of leaping into the unknown.

it'll be fun, but it's not entirely practical.

why does it always seem like practical and me doesn't quite gel?

do i dare?

i'm scared but being singaporean is what makes us less able to make the leap right?

or are we just living with the excuse that we're in sg hence the inability to do something different?

argh... sooo flustered now...

ANGST

2010-07-25T20:55:00.002+08:00

i hate growing up. i know i've prolly said this a million and one times but yea, i'm sticking with it. I HATE GROWING UP.

sigh... silly billy hdb came back with a super crap loan amt and we're like.. WTF.. can't even buy me a room with that kinda shit money lah. argh... i hate living in singapore. everything's so... i dunno, moneycentric.

and i think it's a complete joke that i'm being held hostage in my company by my fucking salary scale. come on.... i'm not earning alot, i just happen to be local and everyone else are fucking foreigners so OF COURSE MY PAY LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALOT LAH. dumbfucks.

anyways, this just brings me back to hating being a fucking grown up.

wanna do something i like, sure, but i need money to sustain while i start my own thing rite?
that or i get like a sugar daddy to invest in whatever i wanna do. sugar daddy where?

or i can just do music and do the music company that the hubz is doing... sounds like fun eh.. but yah... back to the question, if i don't get paid full time and he doesn't get paid fulltime, we're fucked..

i can't wait to go boston!! but that's gonna take another 2 yrs, and 2 yrs is too long.

actually if i took up something OUTSIDE of work... like go back to dancing, or i dunno, go back to music... or.. hmmm... taking up another course (all of which need money which i dun have) then maybe i'll be happier no? but the stupid work hours are shit, makes me rethink, do i really hate waking up in the mornings more, or do i hate not being able to spend weekends and weeknights with friends and family. actually the answer is staring me in the face. argh...

and then, the man's group is in shambles... i dunno what to say. i wish i can quit my job and take them on to different heights. Problems that were there should have been solved much much earlier and things won't have had to turn so ugly. but it did. and now i can't help but feel it is slowly creeping to my own personal friends. and i fucking hate that.actually, i hate the fact that it's involving my own personal friends more than the problem itself! if we lived in a world were people could just take and give shit in equal amounts, then there wun be any misunderstanding, assumptions, bullshitting around, rite?

is it easier to immediately focus on the negative than the positive of each and every human being that we meet? where is 'giving someone the benefit of doubt'? where is the 'listen to both sides of the story before judging?' actually, WHY JUDGE? we all have our own shit, no?

urgh.. i'm so sick and tired.

the legacy i wanna leave behind, is seriously nothing physical. maybe that's why i feel so aimless. i dun need a career, i dun need money, i dun need status. u know what i need? i need to know that whatever i'm doing, i'm making a difference in somebody's life. making someone happy. BEING happy... is that so wrong?

WHY THE FUCK DOES SINGAPORE MAKE IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO BE FUCKING HUMAN?

urgh...

hellooooo bloggy...

2010-04-18T16:46:00.002+08:00

ahaa... i haven't been checking in for quite a while, and alot has happened these past coupla months... the good, the bad, the fugly, the whatever... so yea...

life's been pretty good, of course by now, i'm a mrs (omg) and i've added to my family one more dad, one more mum and one more sister. still getting used to calling someone else ma and pa.. but i guess i'll get used to it someday. it's just weird. i dun use mandarin to address anyone.. so it's ma and pa vs mummy and daddy... mum and dad might actually be easier, but unfortunately, that's not how the man addresses them, so i have to 'marry chicken follow chicken, marry dog follow dog'.

the wedding went on well, hiccups were of course expected but i guess everyone had tons of fun so the problems didn't quite show up too obviously. for starters... NOBODY FOLLOWED THE FREAKING SEATING PLAN THAT WE PAINFULLY ARRANGED!!!! FUCKANADEN..

oh well... i guess by end of the nite, most people were up dancing so all is good.

I DIDN'T GET TO TAKE PICS WITH MY GIRLIES!!!!!!

I DIDN'T GET TO DO MY PROPER FIRST DANCE!!!! (Yes, we actually had a specially choreographed dance but it didn't happen.) but it's my fault lah, i forgot to tell the band we wanted to change the first dance song... but the band's still awesome regardless.

I GOT BK TO THE HOTEL SO DRUNK, WE SLEPT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BED!

WTF..

hah... can't say how much my girlies mean to me and what everyone did to make it happen.

gracia for keeping me sane and keeping everything organised...

elissa for being so patient and helping me with making sure the decor set-up was beautiful...

jenn for tolerating my requests and ahem... demands.. when i might have gotten into bridezilla mode and of course taking the stressful parts of the wedding out of my hands..

val for helping to ensure my dresses were what i wanted, and of course, helping to entertain guests along with huahui...

my darling sister for being such a sweetheart and helping to coordinate with the family, the angbao boxes and being bullied by my bitch.

my family for being so supportive and letting me have my dream wedding even though they had to try very hard to not invite too many friends.

prissy-la-la for helping at the reception area, i know the guestlist was shit and i'm sooo sorry u had to deal with missing names... argh.. my thumbdrive is still missinggggg.. :(

vina, char for helping with the photoboard... and making sure guests leave their faces on the wall...

the rest of my sisters who were there from morning till nite, just standing by in case help was needed, for looking soooo beautiful with the flowers and for agreeing to keep them in ur hair.. haha..

nickyboy for taking such beautiful pictures so we can have them for keeps...

kwok fai fai for helping with choosing and printing and making sure the pictures arrived on time if not it'll be such a waste!!!

sel and colin for coming down earlier to help with the set-up, reception and just lending a hand whenever and wherever help is needed.

i love you alll!!!!!!!

ahem... hornymoon was super tiring but i wun ask for anything more or less... to be there walking down the streets of boston, basking in the sun, chilling out when it got colder, weather was beautiful. i'm glad i finally get to share this place with the man.

and then, of course, there's red sox (sweet caroline.. ba ba ba.. good times never seemed so good... so good so good so good!!) red sox vs yankees... awesome.. the atmosphere was crazy!!!

and .. yes... BON JOVI!!!!! nuff said.... i dun think i need to say anymore about the concert. it's a lifetime dream come true. oh, i showed some co-bon jovi fan the inscription in my ring and she was like.. "omg, i'm gonna cry!!!" and she went on to tell the man to call her when he's done with me... RITE.. haha.. just in case, the inscription read "livin on a prayer"

love love!!

now i'm bk after 3 weeks of hornymooning... work is back on track although my bodyclock is still kinda screwed. so far, all is good.

next up, char and aly's big dayyyy.... woot woot!! we're growing up so fast, i feel it with every headache i get after drinks... sigh...

to growing up (even though we don't want to)...

trying to work out...

2010-01-16T15:12:00.003+08:00

omg!! i looked at my old blog photos and realised, well, confirmed that fact that, well, not that it's not obvious enough that, I'M GETTING FAT AND I USE TO HAVE A .. CHIN!!!!!!

AHHH!!!!

so see, i tried exercising at home, but while doing my sit-ups, i have brandy thinking that i'm playing with her, so she's all over me... while i'm doing my push-ups, she gently lays down just below me and kisses me everytime i go down... coz she's playing with me..

argh... can't work out at home in peace...

maybe i should bring my u-zap to work.

gawd.. i need to exercise! and the gym in my resort IS mocking me... tamade...

woooot woooot!!

2010-01-13T20:06:00.002+08:00

Randomness.. wow, it's been so long since i said hi to blogspot!

busy is kinda understated, since the last time i blogged, i quit my job, landed a new job, working like mad, drinking like mad (which is bad.. bad me) and erm... oh, how can i forget... completed a freaking awesome but stressful concert, and now.. it's wedding planning.

work's driving me crazy though... but i kinda enjoy it more than my previous job. at least i don't get screamed at for no reason. and i get to sleep in. and honestly, my time is planned by myself so... yey...

not doing too well on the weightloss programme..

not doing too well on the drink less programme..

but i'm trying.. hur hur hur.. i'm just hoping the coming months of stress will make me depressed or too busy to eat.. and in turn lose weight!! *crossing fingers*

in all randomness, the wedding plans were put on halt coz of festivities, new job, sudden hkg trip and concert... things better start moving!!!

the man's going for another op. there's always something breaking down! argh... i'm also considering getting 3rd or 4th opinion on my neck coz it's irritating the shit out of me.. bleah..

hokay... back to work...

yawnz..

me time always gets me thinking...

2009-10-11T16:14:00.004+08:00

suddenly i'm back on this blogging frenzy, think it's the whole what-on-earth-am-i-doing-with-my-life question popping up over and over again.

i read my older blogs and see where life's journey has taken me, i read my not-so-old blogs and find myself repeating over and over again that i'm happy, just wishing life was more than just work, money and keeping up. i read my recent blogs and realise, i'm beginning to be someone i never wanted to be. ie, self absorbed, bitchy, impatient and unkind.

*shudders*

i look back on days when i was able to listen, feel, and give sound advice. that was me... happy to be the one people turn to when shit hits the fan. that was me even before i started to fly. when i truly loved my job, my life and the people around me.

how i wish to have that all back. to be in love with my job, my life, and the people around me.

i want to be a true friend that people can turn to again and talk to me about themselves and not a friend that's just there for the sake of being there. i wanna talk about things that matter on a personal level, and not frivolous things that fade away with time.

i never had a great interest for anything else other than people and the connection i have with them but in this day and age, everyone's just busy chasing "dreams". i, unfortunately, have become one of them.

wasn't my greatest happiness in life to know that i've made a difference in someone's life? i sure am now, by making people's lives miserable. i detest myself for that but i've unwittingly let myself morph into a person who's judgemental and argumentative. i snap at the slightest mistakes and the next minute, i have to be all smiley and PRish just to get the job done. wasn't i all about patience???

i cringe at how fake i've become.

what i wanna be, doesn't require money to be achieved. all it requires is a little more love, a little more time, a little more patience and a whole lot of understanding who i am, my place in this world and i can start making that little difference.

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time
'Cause When You Close Your Heart
You Can't Close Your . . .Your Mind!

- MJ says it best...

na na na na na na na.....

wedding woes...

2009-10-09T10:29:00.002+08:00

yes i know it's a work day so what the hell am i doing, blogging, when i should be working? well.. i dunno.. i just have to let it out...

so the wedding's about 6 months away and i have it all planned out, in my head, of course... just waiting for the little steps to slowly take place.

having alot of headaches with the venue and i honestly dunno if i should laugh or cry... snippet of conversations with them are as follows:

me: hi, i'll like to enquire about wedding packages and rental charges for chijmes. i want to do it at the lawn.

chijmes: oh, we don't normally do weddings so no packages for the lawn. maybe you can check with chijmes hall as they have more wedding packages there.

me: oh! i can check with chijmes hall and still use the lawn for my wedding?

chijmes: no, have to use the hall if you are taking their package, but the lawn can be used for cocktail receptions.

me: i don't want to use the hall, i only want the lawn.

chijmes: but chijmes hall has the packages

me: but if i call chijmes hall, i have to use the hall rite? i don't want the hall, i want the lawn.

chijmes: oh, but we don't normally do weddings...

me: do you do events there? i've seen events on the lawn.

chijmes: yes, we've done events... but not weddings coz the hall does more of it, so better to check with the hall..

me:.... (trying not to scream) ... ya, but i want the lawn, not the hall... and it's just like any event. rite???????

(there's more.. i'm too tired to type it all out)

.......................................................................................................................................................................

me: hi, yes you were suppose to get back to me about a month ago on the catering package

carnivore: yes, i'm so sorry... was waiting for chijmes to revert.

me: yes, we've spoken to them, we'll use the walkway as well, i just need a quote from you and need to know how many people i can fit so i can plan my guestlist.

carnivore: okay... (gives me details of the package). you can actually also get another caterer to do the food and have them book the carving station from us. because.. it can be quite costly, and coz our kitchen is actually pretty far, it's near the carpark of chijmes, so if it rains, the food might be late.

me: (speechless)

......................................................................................................................................................................

what's wrong with customer service these days!!!~?!!~?

hope the trip to tpe for the shoot and favour shopping goes well... if not, it's no wonder why people become bridezillas...

2009-09-13T16:59:00.002+08:00

the silly bitch fell into a deep narrow drain last week after having a nice, EXPENSIVE shower at the petshop... now i gotta bring her back to the vet coz it seems like it's getting infected. argh... but i guess better spend the money than to have half a husky left. never leave such shit to chance.

took some personality test in the journey towards the plunge and apparently, both the man and i are.. ahem.. on the nervous impulsive side. haha... so if shit happens, we both get freaked out and he jump, i'll jump... since i'm supposedly the submissive one. oh well.. quite interesting to learn abt such stuff about yourself, but of course, i don't think it's highly accurate coz we respond differently to different situations. so yea.. but okay, i agree i can be rather impulsive. but hey! according to the test, i'm objective too... so i'll weigh the consequences.. then... make my decision on a wimp... ah whatever..

had a great time fabric shopping yesterday with the moh and the gown designer. i'm so excited to see how the sketch of my 2nd dress will look like! go val go!! and thanks to the women's objectivity. ahem... my gown is .. yes.. more.. family friendly.

Doing-it-yourself is quite fun and working within a budget is actually very fulfilling. love the challenge. next time, for c&d, we shall have a budget wedding section, something like budget airlines and stuff.. with less moolah to work with, the challenge goes to being really really creative and still making things happen. so yeap yeap.. my advise is.. have a not-so-big budget but dun stinge on the wedding planners coz they are the ones with the cheap contacts, and yes... they do the legwork and make suggestions and help conceptualise shit into reality!

ahem.. self promo there.. muahaha...

we're making quite good timing piecing things together so yay! like wat the wedding planner says, most brides have 1 yr to talk about the big day, and 365 days to be bridezilla. and since i only have half that time, i'll have to squeeze everything in half the timing. woohoo!! my ticket and excuse to being realllly bossy. kekeke..

i'm kinda done with most of my research actually, now just gotta put them to action.. doodeedoodeedooo

pondering

2009-08-22T13:36:00.003+08:00

it's been exactly 2 weeks since the big proposal and parts of me still can't quite believe how everything happened.

listening to the song he sang at the beach, yes.. now i'm tearing up coz it really was the sweetest thing to do and it's everything i ever wanted, and more since i didn't need to make do with a coke can tab.

2 weeks have passed and i've gone from bridezilla mode, to i-dunno-where-i-should-start, and just having everything in my head form up perfectly. it's simple, all i want is significance and the moment.

i don't think i can be happier, even though this means no guys are gonna chat me up anymore once they see the bling, but oh well... win some lose some eh..

prissylala's birthday was a blast!! and because work deprived me of spending time with my friends, work had to pay for allll the drinks i had... keke... which was good anyways.. so yey..

it's meet the parents session today.. more like.. parents get-together. it's gonna be quite funny, my parents, his parents, my sister, his sister = worlds apart. but somehow we turned out alright.

all will turn out alright. despite me always trying to do it the hard way, it always had, and always will.

now all i need is for work to be great and i'm good. how can i find a job that i love and still give me time to live my life? how can i continue leaving footprints in people's lives?

hmmm...

the one after operation surprise!!

2009-08-09T14:58:00.002+08:00

soooo.....

ahem....

where do i start with this whole wedding thing??

i know i'm suppose to be a .. ex wedding planner, and yes, i've asked a million and one of those .." how many pax, which part of the year, wat format? ROM, dinner, combine, 2 days, 1 day? lunch, dinner, sit-down? buffet? chinese cuisine? english cuisine?

but suddenly.. i had a flash of... i-dun-have-a-clue-where-to-start in my head.

and i know, i shouldn't be but i'm freaking myself out..

oh, and i never knew how much those questions could actually stress someone out..

opps!!

what makes me happy at the end of the day are...

2009-07-31T01:25:00.003+08:00

my darlings who come running to me as soon as i step in (if they are out of their cages lah)

my darlings who come running to me and try to lick my face (as soon as they are out of their cages)

my darlings who curl up beside me on the little red sofa i call my throne

my darling brandy who takes her chew-toy and stands beside the sofa, waiting for me to play with her

my darling whiskey who snuggles on my lap and puts her face on my boobs

my darling whiskey who sits at the other side of my sofa doing nothing but breathe, making the sofa vibrate every so gently

the smokes i share with my baby

the silly things my baby does to make me laugh

going to bed and making him sit beside me even though he's not sleepy and still has tons of work to do

*contented sigh*

now all i need is to teleport somewhere else where it's not so hot, and... where i'm in lurve with my job..

life will be perfect...

another weekend at home...

2009-07-11T14:59:00.003+08:00

pardon the sudden constant thought about being sick of this place. methinks i was never meant to live here for too long... i get angsty and tired of everything. sigh...

had a mini conversation yesterday with a captain. he was leaving for flight and i asked where he was going. i initiated conversation coz i just felt like... speaking the lingo again... and how often do singaporeans initiate conversations anyways.. so there i was, chatting with him about what flights he'll be doing next, ended of with him wishing me a good evening, and me wishing him a good flight.

gawd i miss it! i mean, it's nothing big, just plain politeness and hardly anything fake about it.

brings me back to.. singaporeans are just too absorbed to bother about things like that. i always tell friends who ask who are the most difficult passengers.. guess who's on the top of my list? how can service standards here be good when there is no show of appreciation for it anyways? like, why bother to be nice... nobody bothers...

so yes... i miss going and living overseas, i miss meeting people, i miss being friendly and the friendliness being reciprocated.

maybe i should be in some other line... i'm not that big of a fashion/beauty/media person to begin with... maybe that's why i'm feeling so fake.

ah well... i'm having an MJ saturday afternoon!! "i want you back!!!"

dedicated to the elf in my life

2009-07-09T22:13:00.003+08:00

i've met many people in my life... the good, the bad, the great, the silly, the sweet yada.. you get my drift. you name it.. and yes, the bitches and all... i happen to think that my tolerance level is actually pretty high! that is, until recent years when i'm more grown up and trying to learn to say no and not get stepped all over but yes.. methinks my tolerance level is still pretty high.

it's not like i can't take someone talking fiercely to me... and all that blah. i can take nagging and whining anytime. yes, unfortunately for me, sometimes even bullying... but hey, high treshold remember??

but what i cannot absolutely cannot take is if someone is condesending and talks down to me. omg it just makes my blood boil.

i mean... i've come to realise that some people actually DO find pleasure in watching other suffer. some people DO find it funny to tread all over you, make you feel small, and then thread on you somemore. i think it's sad. they actually DO take joy in knowing that their existance actually irks someone so much that hey, somebody bothers to even be irked to begin with!!

fuck man, you are just a fucking person, short fart, who can't even type the words "thanks". how the hell did you even grow up? you mean nothing and you ARE nothing when u leave the company. you are NOTHING when you knock off work. YOU are nothing when you're dead.

YOU ARE NOTHING.

sigh.. gawd i wish i can say it into her face and add a shoe or a palm to it right after.

pent up

2009-07-05T16:53:00.002+08:00

half a year just sped past like that. i can't quite judge if it's been a good half year or not. perhaps it has been, but we've been too busy to even notice and count the blessings.

had a nice mini girlie time with gracia the other day and we were talking about how far we've come. how we've stood by each other, been there and not have to say anything. not even physically, but just mentally, knowing whatever you choose to do, there's always only support and some nudging here and there.

then we thought about how we'd call each other in the wee hours, to cry, to scream.. to whine.. and i thought about how i use to need a drink every single night. wondering if that was how the rest of my life was gonna be. and looking at myself now, without needing to drink or feeling lost and depressed all the time, it's kinda refreshing, isn't it?

sometimes i wonder if the job i'm doing now is what i wanna do for long? i mean... people always ask if i'm happy with my job. and i always reply..well.. yea, could be better, still lots to learn, but yea... could i be happier? will i be happier if i was doing wedding planning full time?do i wanna rise up to be the next pr guru of the industry, socialite and all? if i wasn't doing what i'm doing, what else will i be doing?

is there something, somewhere i can work at and not feel fake?

i love events, but i'm feeling tired. i know, feeling tired at 27 is sad.. i should be living it up, enjoying my job, my life, my dogs, my man, my life! but at 27, i still feel like i'm struggling to survive and working just for basic survival needs. who decides what's basic for survival anyways?

never really liked to imagine myself living in sg for the rest of my life. i'd always imagine working in a restaurant, waitressing, doing something frivolous to earn the dough, yet life-fulfilling, experiencing other places, sights, smells and sounds.

there's only one way to survive in sg, but the opportunities are endless overseas. things will be different, and i love different. different is not wrong... who dictates right or wrong anyways?

sometimes when i think big, i get the.. do you have enough money? how u gonna pay for this, for that, yadayada... but hey, people are happy in different ways no? and sometimes, when i am open about how happy i am, it's a huge taboo.. coz we have to behave ourselves, be all adult and be sensitive to how others feel.

restricted. i feel restricted. i wanna scream, dance, drink, live, spend, save, shop, give, take, bitch, laugh, cry, hug, hold, kiss whenever i want, wherever i want.

real world vs my world

reality vs dreams

need to vs want to

practical or passion

yaayyy to the upcoming holidays! sigh.. it's back to the real world..

the weekend destress list

2009-06-06T18:15:00.002+08:00

gees! wat a random way of finding out my dearest banana 2 has proposed to char! over a freaking blog entry!!?? ahhhh.... but anyways, CONGRATS!!~~!! yes yes... canon in (watever note) is on it's way and i promise peter will let u hear it soon enough.

anyways, work's still hectic as ever even after may so i'ma stilla gonna jia youa! god knows when i'll be able to go gym... this sucks!!!!

in order to destress, here's a list of things i'm gonna try to do... and hope it helps..

1) do some housework

2) watch a movie or two

3) watch a dvd at home with beer/vodka/whiskey

4) find a new hobby to do that doesn't require taking up (too much) time

5) catch up with friends

6) perhaps start blogging more regularly.. but i need some juice... i need to be depressed.

7) diy facial

8) diy manicure

9) diy hair dye

10) exerciseeeeeeeeeee

hmmm.. okie.. we'll see how much of this i can achieve... or how many wkends i'll take to finish the list!

slightly moody sat...

2009-05-23T15:02:00.003+08:00

hokays, this seems weird that i'm sitting alone at home on a saturday with my girls and nothing else to do but housework. which i've done.. now that i'm so used to having him around, i dunno wat to do with my time when he's away. sheeshhh

yes, i've got girlfriends to meet, friends to meet, but somehow, something's different. like... i dunno if i went "any plans?" would there be any response? sigh.. i guess i haven't been a good friend myself... like, i'd love to text everyone and say wat's up? but then i gotta consider who i'm meeting and whether they are okay with him around and all that... and i end up choosing not to call. arghhh... so dilemmaaaaaaa...

sigh.. i dun think i'm a good friend anymore and i don't think i'm considered one anymore as well. and it sucks to be the last to know about stuff that matters. aiyah.. i'm just in a whiny mood. it's really not that bad... right?? you think?? sighh...

anyways, am off to meet gracia for some girly time!! yay!!

a day with the girls..

2009-05-03T14:55:00.003+08:00

i watched marley and me last nite. laughed my head off at some points and thought omg, that's brandy the rascal!! thankfully, brandy's not so.. destructive, but then again, we all know the stupid shit she got herself into.. so.. sigh..

anyways, bawled my eyes out at the end. i dunno how, i can't really even picture that day coming. i hope the girls outlive me. but what are the odds, eh?

so here i am, spending the day with the two bitches. one's just nuaing around the house, the other's being an inspector, going in and out of the rooms. sniffing here and there. the man went out to work.. and i ahem, just finish ironing and hanging up clothes. before that, it was putting laundry to wash, mopping and vacuuming the floor. brandy's having her period.. so dots of pink patches are scattered around the house. apparently they are suppose to clean up after themselves but i think it's .. gross.

things should be getting more stable now that he's been offered a psuedo full time job. meaning, it's not exactly full time but it's exclusive and he's guaranteed a fixed some monthly. that's kinda full time rite? no cpf and all though.. but at least timings are flexi. so yay!!!

exciting things are happening around us!! yay!! u know what this means? it's always been a domino effect with us for the past 10 yrs... one bad thing happens and shit hits the fan for all.. but but but, good things that happen also mean things will pick up for all!!

here's to a great 10 more yrs. lalala...

to someone somewhere out there

2009-04-19T13:31:00.003+08:00

i was surfing around facebook when i chanced on your account.

decided to click on it, even though i know you're no longer around, just to see.. how others who loved you are doing. and i never fail to not tear.

not that i knew you or shared a whole lot with you, not that you and i were close or anything, but we did hang out, once in a while, in normanton, at ktvs, my birthday... and drinks at wherever.

i haven't said it before, but i'm sorry. i never really got to talk to you much the last coupla months and i never wanted you to feel like i wasn't a friend anymore. i guess i was too caught up with myself... and i'm sorry.

i looked forward to my return from tpe coz i wanted so much to introduce you to him! apparently you guys were classmates before, and u were one of those classmates who was open and kind.

thank you for being a friend to him.

it would've been so nice to be able to hang with mutual friends of ours at ktv! i never really say it, but u always cross my mind when i'm at a ktv session...

wish i could turn back time to be a friend again..

girly days... girly nights

2009-03-27T09:57:00.003+08:00

i had an entire entry ready to be posted up and i decided wat the hell, and deleted it. aparently people who are happy tend to not be able to blog as much, or at all... or so it seems in my case lah. no juice. and people dun really like reading happy blogs... coz there's just too much.. bleah and "oh yea, good for you.. whatever" going on when they read happy stuff happening around.

but fuck it, rite? it's my space.. so suck it up...

last nite was fun.. a pretty imprompty girly night with prissylala and theresa after gym before char and vina joined us later... earlier in the week was another girly night with gracia, lis and sharon and as opposed to weekly weekend meet-ups, i think i'll just stick to such mini nights for now. saves money... conversations are more in-depth and meaningful. plus it's not like we don't have lewd jokes or anything so it's just... nice.

kinda reminds me of days when i was in taipei, when i was happily spending time with peter and the bitches which was great most days and such meet-ups were only possible when i took my monthly or bi-monthly trips bk to sg to meet up with the rest. at least i don't have to spend hundreds of dollars getting to meet them now. phew. and weekly dinners at home are more cherished and appreciated so that's good! another sign to say i'm getting older.

speaking of girly times, one of my close friend who was an ex colleague in sq just gave birth to a healthy baby girl!! one of the girls that made my life more colourful and crazy. speaking of sq, i miss those days bunking in with yet another friend at every single flight we did together. those days of bonding and bitching now seem so far away.

i miss my girlies... i miss the luxuries of being able to drink anytime, anywhere, anything... sigh... and all the red bombs i'm getting!!!!! ahhhh!!!! yes i'm getting older, we're getting older... i guess i'm there emotionally and mentally... but.. how about getting there financially for a change?!~

*(%$&*^*%^%$

nobody should have to try so hard

2009-01-31T19:03:00.002+08:00

i've always been the type of person who cares alot of what my friends think about the person i'm with. any slightest hint of awkwardness or displeasure and the man goes packing. i love my friends like that, they were the gauge of who i should be with and it's been like this for so long, it's expected of the guys to just fit.

so what happens when i do fall in love in someone who's not really "in"? sure, i know they love me enough to want me to be happy and as long as i'm happy, they're happy too. and because the man loves me enough to know what makes me happy, he too will always try his utmost best to just be there. even though nobody really says or talks much to him.

but it hurts. it hurts to know no matter how hard one tries or not try, if people are already judgemental, they just are. nothing changes it. it hurts coz i realise how i'm drifting from all that i thought was what my life was about or who's opinion was important. it hurts to see eyes roll behind someone's back, or sniggering and the silent but deafeningly disapproving looks one gives another.

and it really doesn't matter to me anymore what others think. i know why i love and i choose to love him, good and bad, flaws and all. i do appreciate those who take time to get to know him as him and not just as my boyfriend, misunderstood but undoubtedly blur as cock as he is. even though i know he might read this someday, i want you to know i'm sticking by you whatever whoever says.

i love my friends, they are the ones who've stuck by me through shit and fire.

i love my man, he has given me a life i've always wanted to have.

and if they don't see eye to eye, they don't have to. i don't wanna force it. nobody should.

so...

2009-01-19T23:20:00.002+08:00

been a month since i started work.

time seems to fly by everyday, but why does it still feel so damn long before i get my next pay?

i'm glad i got a job that looks set to take me somewhere.

now all i gotta do is to hang in long enough.

everything's so far so good. cept for the money bit which i hope can change soon.

not everything's perfect, not everyone's perfect, nobody's perfect.

i'm glad i have small not-so-good days to remind me not to take things for granted.

i'm glad i have him to remind me why i'm holding on to what i have.

i'm glad i have the gang to remind me to stay awake.

i'm glad i have my two darlings to remind me what responsibility is.

blabber blabber blabber.. *yawnz*

because i say so

2009-01-01T15:44:00.002+08:00

gootbyeeee 08! hallooooo 09!

2008 seemed to have sped past pretty quickly especially as dec drew to a close. Starting work in Dec gave me a nice headstart to get to know my job, my colleagues, my routes, my schedules and see how i can fit alll the mumble jumble in, ie, should i go gym or get my ass to pole practices, etc. so far so good.

new yr resolutions (although they hardly get done) is a good gauge and reflection of one's yr so... here goes:

1) me aims to go for my first standchart marathon. i don't really dig running but it's the process that matters rite? train train train!

2) get back on the stage for pole. once again, it gives me a reason and an aim to do and achieve something. so there... train train train!

3) save at least 2k by june. spending an entire lots of thousands on a whole new life experience was well worth it, but... having the ability to spend on necessary stuff without having to think about tomorrow's meal will be a much welcomed change.

short but manageable and achieve list yea?

2009 will be a great year just because i say so.

have yourself a merry little christmas

2008-12-25T17:22:00.002+08:00

it's nice to start work during this festive season as much as i keep going.. damn, i gotta go bk to work on christmas eve or boxing day or new yr eve and whatever not. at least i have these little holidays that i can spend with close ones around me and still get paid. oh, and it beats being overseas with a bunch of people i dun really know and dun really care about and caring only about the booze and whatever.

brandy's birthday today!!! she's one!! whiskey turned one last month!! they are growing up and so am i!! it's exciting how things are turning out now. hopefully bleak 2009 will not be THAT bleak. hmmm.... yr end means a string of bdays starting dec till feb! and it means me turning another year wiser.

ahhhhh!!!!

i should go sleep and make tomorrow a fruitful day. Merry christmas world... may all nightmares turn to dreams and dreams turn to reality.

things are looking up

2008-12-17T00:25:00.002+08:00

my babies are back from doggie jail...
today marks the first day of my step in a slightly new career path...
the other baby has got a job offer to teach and another offer to maybe perform at st james...

hopefully the yr will end with a great start. *crosses fingers*

today, i met a nice guy...

2008-12-05T00:12:00.002+08:00

it was something rare, something peter and i thought we'd never see... especially in sg, where everyone's just busy minding their own business... trying their very best in their little ways to stay in as low a profile as they can. yes.. people can be nice. they give way when they see us (me) walking/hobbling our way through. they stop and not honk when we take just a tad tooooo long to get into the cab and cause a line of vehicles waiting behind. the crutches and wheelchair does have good points. but i digress...

today, i (we) met a nice guy while attempting to carry a huge bag with my laptop and hugeass wedding planning book (thanks to mrs ang) and a new sound system (which we had to buy coz we blew our own system up thanks to the voltage difference in taiwan and sg). as i was struggling with the freaking heavy box, this nice dude drove by and stopped beside peter... and actually offered to drive us home (from sheng shiong which actually isn't very far but it's the thought!). so yea... very very nice guy and i totally appreciated the thoughtfulness. he wanted to help us carry it up.. cept i think i'm woman enough to do it myself.

in anycase, my point is.. there is hope.

and after talks with the girls to stay sane and not put too much pressure, methinks i've done what i can do with the jobsearch shit. i'm just gonna apply to recommendations and all accordingly and see what happens. (i even tried LTA..bwahaha... what next!?~) yes.. it's the yr end, christmas, clearing leave and holiday mood kinda really isn't the best of times for me to look for a job. so i'll try not to fret too much and enjoy whatever's left of freedom and concentrate on being nurse/pa/physiotherapist.

it's not easy.. but we have to TRY to look on the bright side, no matter how fucked up and bleak things looks.

stuck in a moment

2008-12-03T07:42:00.003+08:00

since the last post, i've been highly constipated and about to lose hope. I know, this isn't the best time to be looking for a job, nor is it the best time to be picky about a job. yes.. i turned it down in the belief and hope that i deserve and should be getting alot more than what they offered.. so... here i am.. waiting for the next call or email that some future smart ass employer will give me.

sigh...

the day is spent online sending resumes, surfing website for suitable job openings, hospitals and doggy jail.. nothing takes my mind of the fact that i'm sitting at home everyday without any income coming my way. what's gonna happen once my savings run out? and just the thought of that makes me cringe... all the hard earned money i saved up is just disappearing slowly... yet i can't even be allowed to smoke without having to seek permission for the only most direct gratification i can have.

sigh...

i get up every morning to a disappointing empty inbox.
i go to sleep every nite after emptying a redundant inbox.

i really really really need a smoke. or a break... i need a fucking job and a teevee and a life!! thank gawd the shipment's arriving tomorrow.. i'm going crazy within these 4 walls.

gawd it's not even 8am...

And if the night runs over
And if the day wont last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
Its just a moment
This time will pass

virgin post from commonwealth

2008-11-23T22:00:00.004+08:00

i'm formulating what to say to my prospective boss when i call her tomorrow about my job and salary. obviously.. the offer wasn't the best.. but it's something somewhere to start with and in my current financial state, i dun really quite have a choice...

take it... work for it.. survive for now...

dun take it.. wait it out... dunno how i'll survive till dunno-when...

so i guess it's pretty logical what i should do, eh?

seriously, at the end of the day... what matters most.. are either time, money, job satisfaction.

say.... i luuurrveee my job... it's doesn't pay much, and the time i spend on it is substantial. at least i'm happy when i'm at work, and if i love my job, it's not quite a job anymore.. ya?

say... i am paid tons and tons of mooolah... but i dun have the time nor job satisfaction. at least hey.. i have the money to go on trips or buy stuff once in a while that will in turn buy.. some, ahem, happiness. ya?

say... i dun get much money... and i dun really like my job. but if i can clock in and out and then the rest of the day is mine to enjoy, why not? at least... the rest of my time can be spent on more money making opportunities, or doing stuff that i enjoy doing... then ya!

if it fulfills none of the above, then maybe it IS time to look for greener pastures.

don't we just wish we can find the perfect job that satisfies all three??

peter's checked into his lovely hotel at NUH, prolly sleeping or trying to stay still as i type this post. the poor boy's gonna be so bored without internet or teevee and i can't even stay later or stay over coz it's a male ward. and i dunno.. they are prolly afraid horny crippled men might try to hobble their way around... bleah..

i hope all goes well with the least amt of pain as possible coz the less they touch, the less the pain, the faster he heals... i'm hoping i dun snap while dealing with getting a job, the girls, the house and still being an emotional support to him... gawd i need a hell lot more patience now... ahhhh!!!!

hmmm.. on a sidenote... i need to exercise!!

chapter i-have-no-idea-anymore

2008-11-12T01:52:00.004+08:00

i've always believed that blogging is a sort-of psychiatrist, where i can just go and ramble on and on about things without having to feel judge (and even if i am, at least i didn't have to see the shaking of heads, disappointment in the face of whoever's listening, or feel like someone's eyes are just boring down at me).

i just looked back at my oldest oldest posts, and i really thank god that this whole blog thingy came at a right time coz it salvaged my sanity.. or more like my friend's sanity. at least they didn't really have to hear me go on and on about the same things over and over again.

reading what i wrote since day one back in 2004, besides feeling a wave of ouch while reading the earlier posts, i realised i kinda bit my ass in certain ways...

made fun of me meeting some taiwanese guy and saying it's impossible to actually be in taiwan speaking mandarin and guess where i just got back from!?

said i've learnt that loving too much will hurt myself more... so i took my own silly advice and gave myself way too many shots at finding love, not loving or giving so i wun hurt anymore... which all ended up to be short lived ones which i'd killed with my own hands when i've had enough...

going back and forth.. hurting people along the way just to make sure i dun get hurt anymore...

convincing myself that someday i'll find someone that will make it all worthwhile and that i'll be happy again... thank god i did...

and the fact that these blogs are still around reminds me of how much i've grown, fallen, stood up, jumped and leaped over the years. the dates show me how much time i've taken to heal, climb out of my black hole and hopefully stay there.

it's been wild, messy, unhealthy, disappointing but.... i'd like to think some parts actually brought hope and faith and gave strength to people who wanna take that ride into the unknown. i hope... whatever i wrote can be a living proof that life is still worth living... love is still worth waiting for and that it is never too late to pick oneself up.

it's gonna be another chapter now that i'm back in sg... another huge mountain to climb. it will hardly get easier, especially with the market being crap now.. so i guess what i wanna say is that life is yet to be perfect but hey, that's life! i guess if it really gets perfect, then... what next?

i still wouldn't exchange my life for anything else... as fucked up as i made it, it's what makes me.

just please dun use this as an excuse to fuck urself up and say.. diana did it and came out alive... my biggest problem is i can be unhealthily positive... and there's a price to pay for that.

so there...

i'm home?

2008-11-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

i said goodbye to my colleagues countless times coz i just had so many things to handover to them and the office is just next door... so why not, eh? had a farewell lunchie courtesy of the boss and i had to give a freaking speech. i honestly didn't know what to say to him... cept, thank you for everything i've learnt. (BLEAHHHH!!!) aiyah.. he's a nicer person when he's just a friend. this everyone in taipei, ex-employees, ex-colleagues agrees... so it's not just me. ah well...

they asked what i'd miss most about taipei... i didn't know what to say. the food? definately... the people? well, i'd say selectively, there will be people i will definately miss. the shopping? well, i only managed to really shop during my last week there so... nah.. being in taiwan for holiday is good, for work.. forget the luxuries and the clubbing.

as i said my goodbyes to the new friends i've made, i thanked God for adding more footprints in my life... and i know i've added some colour in theirs too. you can tell when the friendships are lifelong ones.

i said goodbye to my apartment, the one i helped picked out, and decorated. loved it... and realised there are so many more details of the apartment that i only discovered during my last 3days in taipei. realised how much of life i neglected while trying so hard to make ends meet and then coming home just to sleep.

i said goodbye to my girls knowing they'll join me in sg really soon and that miraculously, they will be out of quarantine by christmas!! things do work out sometimes... someway, somehow.

said goodbye to my baby and i know he was already missing me the entire day before i left. and i know how it feels... missing someone even though they are right beside you. even though he'll join me in 9 days... fuck man.. i'm so freeeking needy!! bleah!!

i got to the airport and as i sat in the waiting area and thereafter in my seat... i started to tear and fought the urge to cry as the reality of leaving taipei finally hit me. i know i haven't really stayed there for a loooong time... but i've grown to love certain things about that place that coming home actually makes me slightly nervous. flashes of when i was a crew and this lady who was sitting and quietly wiping tears from her eyes came back to me... i remembered asking if she was alright and she said ya.. she was just sad that she was leaving home.

i found myself doing exactly what she did... i dunno why i felt sad... am i leaving home or coming home? where exactly is home now?

crossroads again

2008-09-27T14:20:00.002+08:00

once again, another typhoon weekend, 3rd one in.. er.. 3 weeks.

i dunno if it's a good or bad thing. at least it helps to keep us indoors, which in turns helps us save moolah, so.. it's suppose to be good. this is positive thinking. but i'm bored. but oh well.. it gives me time to work on my resume, as well as business plan for cocktails and details. so.. it's suppose to be good. ehhhh.. positive thinking again!~

pris n vina will be coming over mid oct. can't wait!~ taiwan tourism should give us singaporeans living here some kinda i dunno.. something since we're bringing so many people and have brought so many people here! ha.. laalal... oh.. mummy's coming over in nov too.. yay!~ now i gotta think of where to bring her. this is gonna be fun. yayyy..

work should've been like this since day 1, then i wun have had to quit. but hey... i still think the boss should fucking work on his manners, and the way he talks to me. so.. screw him. i'm glad i'm leaving. fuck off stupid short fart.

crossroads are irritating coz it forces us to make a decision. crossroads are good sometimes too coz it can help change the course of the road we take. crossroads and a good time for us to take stock of where we are at in life, and decide where the fuck to turn. i hope my next turn will be somewhere stable. past half a yr's been a joyride up and down a rollercoaster. i'm definately gonna miss taiwan, the sights, the people, the food, the lack of shopping. haha.. i am going to big time shoe shop after i get my pay!!! woohoo!!!

okay.. it's time for lunch. then.. resume writing.. and business plan writing.. and i hope this weekend will be a constructive one. being sick last coupla weeks is no fun. oh... i was put on a drip to bring my temperature down. my first time btw... fucking painful lah.. okok.. FOOOD..

life after the resignation

2008-09-14T22:30:00.002+08:00

i was so cheekened i didn't dare send the email for the entire day... until miss prissylala agreed to play the bad person role and bug me every other hour, so by the end of the day, i gathered enough courage to.. erm.. key the email address in.. and with the help of my darling bf who literally held my hand to the mouse, i clicked "enter" and er... i left the office immediately. hah!! talk about being gutless!~~!!~!

anyways, now that i have formally resigned and spoken to my boss about the 1-year contract that i'm terminating, it is settled that i will be leaving after the end of my current project which will end on 25 oct, add a few more days for me to clear up accounts and all, i'm free by the first week of nov. yayyy!~!~!

i'm so much happier now and there's almost no pressure now other than finishing up my last project which is going pretty good right now. so... yay!~! now i gotta start thinking about how to go about getting rid of my furniture, my house, bring stuff back and most importantly, my two babies which will cost me a bomb with the licenses, in-flight cages, quarantine and .. accommodation. sigh.. i can't wait to bring the girls back though. more doggie parties to come!~! yay!~!

on a sidenote, this must be the most.. dumbass weekend ever. it's suppose to be my first post-resignation weekend where i'm suppose to parteeee... or maybe just drinks.. i have got no events this weekend and it's peter's bday weekend. BUT, everything that can go wrong will go wrong rite? so yes... typhoon hit us friday evening and it's still pourin as i type this entry. sigh.. whole entire freaking weekend was spent at home with ocassional trips to 711 for food. ARRGGGHHH!~!~!~! i feel like a freaking sofa!~!~! fuck lah.. if only the typhoon hit us on a weekday. at least i'd have a day or two off. arghhh..

ah well.. i'm getting fat just sitting here all day with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

i'm just... getting .. FAT. grrrrrrrrrr

i did it!!!!

2008-09-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

as per title... ahhh!!~~!

new chapters

2008-09-08T23:32:00.003+08:00

lots of new chapters for me...

the brother i never wanted finally settled down and i've earned myself a sister and a business partner! woohoo!~~ can i just say, again, that the wedding, the gown, the vows, the everything about that night was absolutely beautiful and there's just nothing else i can think of to describe it. (given also that my vocab has never been the super power kind.. so yea.. )

my two little sweethearts are having their first period!~~~ and whiskey was being humped by this schnauzer at the pet hotel. he was attempting to hump her but she barked him away. darling.. she's not ready... thanks to jenn i found myself looking at pictures of doggie chastity belts. omg, such an inner prude i am!~ hah!~ i just can't imagine my girls... losing their innocence. i wanna protect them from the evil man dogs out there. grrrrr....

my resignation letter is written and just waiting for me to find the guts to hand them over to the boss. apparently another colleague quit last week while i was bk in sg.. so.. good luck to him. good luck to me... i hope he lets me go.

the bf and i are already sourcing for jobs back in sg so we might be back in tropical singapore with the two girls before the end of the yr! that's if... all goes well and... we get jobs.. ha.. GOT LOBANG??~!

so yea... the week's over in a flash. i wish the wedding never had to end.. that i never had to leave.. and never had to get on that flight.. but ah well.. every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.. so.. i know who i want to take me home... take me homeeeeeee... ~~!

not so bad a day afterall

2008-08-27T22:03:00.003+08:00

today's prolly one of the best days that i had since the time i got back from sg this month... here's why.

made a big booboo yesterday at work and practically got screamed at by the boss but turned it around today and he.. for once.. actually said something good about what i did. haha.. he's not very good at giving praises so methinks he found it pretty weird to not be able to say anything negative. YES!~~

finally found a nice place for the girls to live in when i'm away so i dun have to lock them up and bother everyone in my life to help with taking care and feeding the girls and cleaning up their mess and shit. at least i can go for my events in peace. costs a bit.. but their welfare and my happiness is more important.

they didn't mess up the house today coz i managed to find somewhere to keep them safe and out of trouble while i'm at work... i still come home every lunch and dinner to let them loose but at least they are not cooped in the cage, and i have less shit and tissue paper around the house to clean.

i left work at 8plus~!!~ which is a miracle~~!

i'm going home in 6 days~~ YAYYY~~!!~!~!~

welcome home mummy!!

2008-08-25T06:40:00.004+08:00

11pm- i came home from a two-day event to a house full of shit and tissue paper scattered around. on my sofa, my living room floor, my room and my bed. the girls really not-trying-very-hard to hide their displeasure that i left them at home for 2 days. thanks to nicky who helped me feed them both days or they might have turned the entire house into a shit hole.

11.05pm- picked up the multiple piles and lumps of shit, some still soft, some already hardened.

11.30pm- swept up entire floor of scattered tissue paper and whatever not that they tore up along the way.

12am- too tired to continue, i fell asleep on the other side of the sofa. couldn't move anymore... and because i was grouchy, very very grouchy, flared up at the bf all the way in sg. sorry...

4.30am- woke up and began mopping floor.

5.00am- finished mopping floor, fell back asleep. at least something is done.... sigh..

6.00am- woke up again and started sweeping up the mess in the room, picked up more shit along the way... washed the bedsheet, mopped the floor, threw clothes into the laundry basket, sprayed perfume.

6.30am- cleaned up shit stain left on sofa and mattress. gawd they are so mean to me...

present moment- waiting for sofa and mattress to dry before putting on fresh covers, contemplating what i should do next.

the girls aren't really eating.. and i hope brandy hasn't forgotten where she normally shits. the house seems almost back to it's original, in fact, it's less furry.. so yey.. thank god for a half day the boss gave me or i'll prolly be sleeping in the office.

which reminds me... damn... i dun wanna go work!~

feb come quick!

things that make it all worthwhile

2008-08-20T09:02:00.002+08:00

the girls are smart.. .. very smart.. they know exactly when their daddy is not around and exactly when to bully the shit out of me..

dammit... i've been too nice... arrrrggghhh....

anywayz, talking too much about work and all has made me feel like such a whiner.. so here i present... pictures of my babies!~ (when they are not driving me crazy)

whiskey is undoubtedly known as the 'sainai' dog (sainai meanin damn teh...super manja... kisses and hugs kinda bitch.)

brandy on the other hand just wants in on all the action. super naughty... yea.. she up on the couch (she knows she's not allowed) and then standing at the edge turning back to look at me, almost as if she's daring me to shove her off. she thinks it's fun!!! arghhh!!!

brandy at 2 months.. when we first brought her back

whiskey at 3months.... oh how they've grown...

life after jul

2008-08-11T22:03:00.003+08:00

life, as it may seem, is pretty okay for now.
no more working till 5am only to head to work at 9.30am the.. erm.. i can't say next day, can i? um.. i guess not when i step out of the office to bright daylight and leave home to work in the same brightness.... life sucked last month.

and because of all the shit that culminated last month, the boss doesn't quite trust me anymore. and i don't quite trust myself that much anymore. it's like... i feel like i can't do anything without his consent and everything i do, he definately has something to say. fuck man, i can't work in an environment like this... i .. can't.

then came the long looong awaited trip back to sg when i finally was able to let loose (after being woken up twice by the company back in taipei... having to stay at home a whole day doing work when i'm on 'leave' and having everyone tell me in my face to stop thinking about work), letting loose was fun and a much much need relief to all the shit that was going on. i see my friends, the big hugs, the smoke breaks.. the crazy crazy things we do reminds me of what i miss... and i miss everyone sooo much. kinda makes me wanna stay put in sg and just disappear from work. but of course, i'm more responsible than that... so..

i decide with jenn and val to kinda start on a little wedding planning/events company. sugar and spice (which unfortunately was already taken.. fuckers...) and now we're still deliberating on what to name the company. but with us all having full time jobs now (unfortunately for me), the plan is to continue planning and see where things go after 2 yrs... i'm giving us 2 yrs.. so we have 2 yrs to work on portfolio so people, if u wanna get married, do so in the next two yrs and all u gotta do is give us the experience, testimonials, pictures and alot of angbaos..

then.... news came from nicky that Taiwan Journal (english based mag) is looking for a copy editor. i hoping to give it a shot and see how it goes... but the interview process seems scary so... ahhhh.. i really dunno if i'm up to it. *minor freaking out moment*

all these decisions and thoughts and plan whilst still in a 1 yr contract that expires in feb09, but then again, i guess if i'm really unhappy, and they really can't gimme either money or a proper visa or a life, then wtf rite? even if i continue living here... i believe being an english teacher can help with the finances more than what this job pays. so... watever... i prefer being happy..

if i'm poor but have loads of time on my hands for myself.. i'm good
if i'm rich but have no time whatsoever, at least, i'm rich..
right now, i'm none of the above. so screw the fucking contract.

that said, if i dun get any other job within the next i dunno how long, then i'll happily finish my contract, fuck off and hope that the man earns enough money for me to concentrate on honing my pole dancing skills and earn money doing just that and wedding planning.

hooowww abbbouutt thhhattt~!

i refuse to leave office later than 9pm. methinks he's taking it for granted that my colleague and i are practically living in the office. i refuse to live in unhappiness and fear. fuck man.. if i wanted that life, i'd have continued working in sg. maybe sg might even have been better..

ah welll ... me hungry.. me needs to eat...

cheerios!~

dilemma

2008-07-12T01:46:00.002+08:00

hmmm... i thought i found the dream job, and in fact, i think i did. just that.. god.. this whole taiwanese work and business culture thing is getting to me.

it's so fucking irritating that when i try to do things my way, the fucker says something.. when i listen and do things his way.. the fucker HAS to find something else to say. the only time he accepts what i do is when he stands behind and dictates what he wants me to send out.

it's not like i'm not doing it right.. i'm just not doing it HIS way. i have my reasons for doing things my way and he has his reasons for doing it his way... but instead of listening to why i do it my way, he immediately assumes the worst, and that i didn't think.

so do i wait and listen to him to tell me what to do?
do i try to be independent and prove to him i can do it?
how am i gonna find the space to learn when everytime i spread my wings, it gets clipped?

the worst thing is... he actually nice sometimes.. that pisses me off.. i can't bring myself to hate him totally.. and i sometimes find myself speaking up for why he says what he says.. fuck!

sleep deprived

2008-07-04T03:07:00.002+08:00

suddenly i'm spending all of 10 days alone at home with the girls... the house feels really empty and the silence creeps up on me especially when the girls are sleepy. here's what happens when u spend so much time with someone it becomes part of you. the funny thing is, this is prolly the kinda feeling i've dreamed of having, just not actually having. so.. it's kinda.. unreal.

anyways, updates after a loooong month... work's been busy... working at least 14 hours a day has become a norm and that doesn't include actual event days on sats. the break to london almost didn't seem like a break and apparently, my facial expression changed as soon as i got back to taipei. lost my smile and took on a frown immediately. work work work.. the fucked up part is... i can't even look forward to a weekend drink coz... there's just no time.

of course drinking at home helps me wind down a little, but... a little girly laughter, gossip and bitching helps too! i'm almost girlfriendless here.

speaking of the trip to uk.. it was honestly a welcome break. i needed it, peter needed me to take it coz i was almost breaking down. meeting auntie melissa and bren brought a certain kinda warmth i dearly missed. oh, of course the welcome 'signboard' from adrian and val made me feel right at home. pics... will be up as soon as i quit my job.

too much to say... just that the trip, i loved, ireland is beautiful, weather was perfect, company couldn't have been better... so.. ya..

so anywayz, back to reality, i hereby confirm that i prefer conversing and typing in english.

i just miss home lah...

the peeking sun...

2008-05-29T00:36:00.003+08:00

ah haa... here i am complaining that i'm ultra stresed yet at the same time i can log on nite after nite talking to myself.. let's explain why... because everyday after the man accompanies me at work from 7 to 11pm, we get home and he heads straight to the other bitches... living and non-living... leaving me... well.. ah well...

tired yet i dun wanna sleep coz time at home is just too short. i feel like i wanna spend more awake time just being around the house, couch potato or not and watch the girls .. bite each other to death. i just feel like once i go sleep, i'll just wake up to work the next day.. so i wanna savor this moment of out-of-office time.. even if i'm dead tired, and no one's talking to me anyways...

(other than brandy who's staring and panting at me)

i don't geddit.. we type at work and look at the comp day in and out and when i get home, i'm still on the comp. typing in a different language is still typing! no... i dun have much company.. the people i hang out with sit beside me every single day of the week. no... i dun have a life...

but i'm content... and i'm happy... coz i've got what i've always dreamt of panting, lying, sitting in front of me... while we all sit, pant, lie down in silence, i know we all just enjoy the quiet calmness... a kind of peace that u just know we got each other's backs... as soon as one moves, all other 3 of us turns.. yes.. dog or man.. so.. i sigh my first contented sigh in a week.. and i tell myself.. life can't be that bad when i have what i have..

and once i click publish post... i go back to reality, snapped out of my contentment and plunged back into this strange phenomenon called life.

wishing..

2008-05-28T00:20:00.003+08:00

sigh.... sometimes i think everything's alright, or gonna be alright, and then shit hits me in the face. i guess the bad habit of taking things easy for the past coupla years are starting to take its toll.

......

shit.. i dun even know what to say. i'm trying not to mop but i just feel like curling up and not go to work somedays. other days i wish i had 48 hours in a day so i can stop rushing... most days work consumes me so much, i go home just to sleep and shower. i dun think i can ever live without any communication tools... but sometimes i just wish technology and everything that lets people contact me just get incinerated. go away...

i wish i could go home sometimes and just not care about money, swipe my card without a thought, take a cab without having to worry about how i'm gonna pay for my next meal or next fucking flight. i wish... i dunno what i wish for anymore.

i wished for a life of adventure, challenge, fun, love, responsibility..

in a literal sort of way i am getting what i wished for... but in a twisted kinda way, i forgot to consider the price i have to pay.

sigh.. there we have people really suffering and dying and not even knowing if they'd live through the next min... here i am sobbing about my shit. but.. i'm only human.. we are still allowed to feel shit about ourselves rite?

i don't geddit

2008-05-26T22:47:00.003+08:00

there must be something wrong when my ulcers take more than two weeks to get better and less than 3 days to sprout out again and increase in numbers. i drink water.. i sleep.. i dunno what's wrong. fuck.

first it was my leg that had muscle inflammation , now it's my neck that's hurting like crazy. i dunno what's wrong! fuck...

why must it be endless pain!? why can't it just be weightloss??

living on a prayer?

2008-04-30T01:31:00.002+08:00

the girls are having their training session now. yes, after a 15 hour work day, i come home and watch my girls being taught a new trick... brandy learns to go 'down'.. okay.. sounds wrong, but ya, basically, it means the bitch learns to go all the way down before she eats her food. sweetiepie whiskey has mastered the art of shaking hands. actually, they both have.. the power of food and patience (which i don't have). haiz...

anywayz... the moving's almost complete! we left some rubbish at the old place since EVERYBODY says so... and since the stupid landlord was mean enough to keep our deposit and kinda pressured us move out because of the gals... so... we left them a gift or two.. actually, 5 bags. hur hur hur.... people are actually impressed we considered REALLY throwing everything away for them. they all went... FOR WHAT?!@~ so yah... life in taiwan.

besides being disgustingly broke, everything else is going great. well... considering the fact that peter and i both lost our handphones in the same week and had to get new phones which added to the financial burden that we already have, and i tumbled, tossed and flipped in the middle of a small empty road in the middle of the nite coz i tripped over brandy who decided to cut lane and run in front of me while i took her out for a walk/run. no more nice leg... no more~~

slowly getting back into the regime of planks and pole but methinks i have a loooong way to go before elissa's wedding. (got to look hot but how?!) sigh... that is kinda the least of my worries though. i'm actually more concerned about the fact that i might have two events, one on 12jul and the other... the major one, on 26jul. clients are actually considering either 26jul or 2aug so i'm keeping my fingers, legs, toes and all crossed. shit man, i should really start taking leave asap.

finally got a chance to log onto facebook and checked out some pics of the gang. gosh i miss them so much. if only money and time and my boss permits a longer stay in sg. come to think of it, if i didn't have the visa issue to deal with, i'd prolly never be able to get away lor! the visa thing is now my best excuse for a getaway. i gots to get more hugeass projects to finance the visits and basic living though... so it's work, work and more work...

oh, and the only reason why i'm able to come online is coz I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME!~ living 60 steps away from home is actually quite fun. i'd call peter 5 min before leaving office to wake him up, leave office, walk towards my house and shout for him and tadah!! down he comes to join my colleagues and me for lunch.

(brandy's being trained to sit and go down as i type. poor girl's prolly thinking this is the most tiring meal she's ever had)

i will, one day, someday in the near future, post up pictures of the new place and the girls who are getting bigger and bigger by the day. until then, it's home, the gals and us that gets me through.

as difficult as it seems, who says we can't live on love?

ramblings of a lonely me

2008-04-13T13:25:00.002+08:00

everytime i leave brandy and whiskey out of their cages to play while i stay in the room to either pack clothes or use the internet, i tend to be a little scared of what they'd do to each other. i'll hear scruffling and little yelps, and then when brandy rushes into the room half possessed or even when she struts in nice and calmly, i always wonder if she's killed whiskey.

baby whiskey dropped her first tooth (that we managed to find) yesterday...
brandy knows that the toilet is for shitting and peeing almost 95% of the time!!

my babies are growing up~!! (and i sound... omg... scary) hokay. enough of all that motherly talk.

i had a pretty interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. even though things happened a long long time ago, it's always been stuck somewhere within, always been hoping for a time when i can let it out, actually verbally (not per say...but typing) saying i'm sorry and finally move on from there. it actually does feel like a confession and it might not seem to be such big a deal to others, it ... feels like a huge load off my shoulders. i feel like i've broken a personal emotional barrier...

haaaa... okok.. it's not THAT bad. just that... i finally feel like i can really be a friend and be myself now.

the musical's almost over for peter and i must say... it feels way better than the first time i watched it. super duper proud of him and the fact that i love musicals makes it kinda surreal to actually see that someone on stage actually also sleeps beside me. it... feels... weird in a nice way i guess.

and once he's done with the musical, we can finally concentrate on moving into the new place, and i can finally fix up my pole, and he can finally concentrate on doing his own music, and the dogs can finally have more space to run about and not be caged, and i can finally get my own furniture, and invite people over for parties and... so.. YAY!!!!!

anyway, methinks i need to make more friends here. the company i have are peter, brandy, whiskey, nicky, sometimes dave, sometimes lydia, my colleagues and some vb friends that i can hardly meet now coz my weekends are fucked up. it's kinda pathetic and i might rebel soon. i really need a life, i really dun wanna be stuck living like a mother coz i have the rest of my life to do that.

i feel like having a smoke and a drink. i think it's pms. arghhhhhhhh......maybe being alone and having pms is not a good combi for me. knowing myself, i tend to fuck up alot during this time.

okok... i better go shower and get out of the house before i do something stupid.

it's a public holiday today!!

2008-04-04T14:48:00.003+08:00

清明時節雨分分
路上行人一端魂
耤問酒家何處有
and i forgot the last freaking line.

hur hur hur... ah well, not like the people who read the blog actually understand what i wrote. (it's a poem i learnt since young so SOME might know and spot the 'spelling' mistakes la) oh yes, until today, i still make people laugh coz of the silly mistakes i make while trying to write in mandarin. you know how certain words have same pronounciation but totally different meaning? apparently, they never had so much fun with a presentation before. ptui!!

so yes, relationship with colleagues have never been better. now as long as there's a word mistake, it's on me.... sigh... oh what the hell.

so anyways, updates from up here in taiwan, everything's going a-ok for now. maybe the fact that i'm still living on my previous savings make it seem easier but once that fund runs out, methinks i'm gonna have to work part time. i'm actually contemplating starting an adult english tuition group with a taiwanese friend of mine who studied in Houston before and is quite keen on co-teaching. so... that's the plan for the rest of the yr.

oh, peter and i have our eye on this new apartment 60 STEPS from my office (save on transportation fees.. keke.. and maybe even lunch since i can pop home to cook, but what are the odds of that happening?? let's seeeeee.....) it's much bigger than our current place and most importantly, there's definately gonna be enough space for the girls to run about especially when they get bigger. brandy's already as long as her cage and her ears kinda stick out so we HAVE to get them out of their cages ASAP. only problem we have now is the current place we're living in isn't dog proof. (just think of poor mojo's wires being chewed up by whiskey)

btw, i love the new place coz it's really nicely maintained and it's furnitureless! which means i'm gonna be able to get my own stuff and decorate the place the way i want it too! the master bedroom has enough space for the bed, the huge cupboard and my pole so the spare room can be used as an office/guest room/sub rented room. so we'll see what happens when the need arises.

so we're prolly moving earliest mid april if the landlord agrees to our bargained price. we've paid a refundable deposit though and the agent will talk to the landlord for us. let's all cross our fingers and paws!!

that said, it's time to really start saving up coz the rent's almost doubled and my pay isn't moving. i can't wait to start taking on projects of my own and getting the fucking commission. i need the mooolah.

yes, pris says i'm almost married. dee says she can't imagine me doing what i'm doing here and not what she remembers me as bk in sg. the rest just have to COME AND FUCKING VISIT ME!
oh! sharon touches down today!! yay!!

i'm still the same, i still need alcohol and sometimes crave a little ciggiebreak but i'm good for now. oh! i swear less since i hardly swear in mandarin cept for 他媽的 and because my reaction in mandarin is usually slower, i make less sordid remarks so in my colleagues's eyes, i'm... hahaha... very decent! oh if they only knew...

i'm grounded, i'm stable, i'm adapting, i'm learning, and most of all, i'm happy.

till the next time i have a chance and am not too tired to log back on, adios and i miss u all.. muakz!~

making memories

2008-03-22T03:14:00.007+08:00

ta da da...it's my last day here in sg and this week has been pretty entertaining. managed to hang with my most fave gang and peeps, did my visa shit, done up some investment stuff, wakeboarded, picked up the pole extensions, did some office work even though i'm on unpaid leave (i dunno how the hell that's suppose to work out), redesigned my bridesmaid dress for elissa's wedding, caught a musical with some of them, did a lil self grooming and now, i'm all set and ready to go back home.

i've had happy times, frustrated moments, disappointing flashes, indulgent episodes and contented experiences throughout my life and seeing as to how this will be the longest stretch of time i'm gonna have away from the love ones, this is definately a new chapter.

memories of primary school days where i was kinda fat and.. bleah...

memories of secondary school days where i slimmed down and felt super carefree

memories of poly days where the best friends were made and carved in stone

memories of wedding planning days where i realised i really liked the business

memories of flying the skies where i lived and let live, burn and got burnt

and now... new memories and a new life waiting for me to embrace.

darling ms howe let me listen to this song today and i fell in love with it.

i guess memories help remind us of our fears, they add a little colour to the world and help makes life slightly easier to go on..

gees i could listen to this all day...

home sweet home

2008-03-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

i slept for a good 15 hours and i'm feeling sleepy again less than 8 hours after i woke up. my mum asked if i haven't in a long while and truth be told, yes.... i honestly haven't really slept a good sleep since i got to taipei. no no.. dun get me wrong.. i do sleep and all.. but uninterrupted sleep? nah... haven't smelt or tasted it.. since the girls came into my life. well, i'm not blaming them. i just sometimes wish they grow up faster and quieten down. but then again, i'm pretty sure i'll miss their cuteness and all when they grow out of it.

so it sucks to be parents.. i totally understand how it feels now. yawnz..

knowing that i'll be craving some local munching, my mum bought supper last nite. hokkien mee and satay.. and i had hainan chicken rice for dinner (breakfast and lunch) today. yums... as the saying goes.. mum knows us best. so yeap.. but as much as i agree on that, one thing's for sure- i do not miss the nagging. so nope.. moving out does not make one miss naggings... at all.

touched down last nite and msged the gang. knowing me, they all know the simpliest ways to make me feel at home (i'm not talking abt the drinking bit, more like the... "u're back?? so fast??" bits). i love these guys. haven't changed one bit.

i miss my baby and my bitches already. i dreamt that the bitches grew up and whisky had loooong shaggy hair. brandy just looked like a friendly wolf that i can sit on and walks me around. ahahaha.. and i lived by the beach.. even though, ahem... the apartment i lived in was exactly the same as the one in taiwan cept that when i open the door, instead of looking at a crappy black alley, it's the sun, sand and sea!! gosh.. i must've really been out.

sg is hooort. yay.. it's gonna be spring in tpe so i can wear my minis and stuff again.. can't wait to get my visas and driver's license settled. oh... and get the extension bit for my pole. then it's home sweet home.. either ways... it's still home sweet home..

another lazy sunday afternoon

2008-03-09T15:23:00.003+08:00

ahhh.. it's nice to finally get a day of rest after slogging at work till 11.30pm for the past 3 nites... the event's finally over so hopefully everything will be better now.

i'm sitting at a little cafe less than 100m away from my house coz there's free internet, fresh air, sunlight for my babies and food. nice way to spend a sunday afternoon since being cooped up at home with the girls will prolly drive me nuts. peter's in calgary so i'm here to guard the fort on my own. yawns....

sometimes i feel like i'm in a bit of a shotgun situation... yes i love the girls, but when they drive me crazy, i kinda regret having them. like.. people come to taiwan and enjoy the nightlife here. the clubs, the shopping, the food and i'm stuck at home or in the office and when people ask if i wanna go out, my first concern is.. who's gonna take care of the girls.. and when i'm out...i'll think of getting home quickly coz i'm afraid of leaving them alone for too long. i dunno if i'm ready for that kinda commitment. sigh...

and this is scary coz its making me scared of the responsibilities of having to take care of someone else. what if i get scared coz this experience is so traumatising that i might be put off having dogs or kids for good. then how???

i miss the carefreeness and the lack of responsibility-ness. hah... the gang's in hanoi now and no one's online. sigh.. i'm sooo bored!!!!!!!

baby come bk quick!!!!!!!!!

okok.. i'm running out of things to say. i'm brandy's chewing bone and whisky's licking.. erm.. toy.. if only they are well enough to play with each other then i can be free of scratches. sometimes i wish i had the irresponsibile life i had back without the exploits of course... sometimes lah..

back at home with my babies...

2008-03-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

hokay...

so... life has been pretty not too bad these days. whisky got sick and had to be under intensive care and hospitalisation for a wk. the good thing was that she actually managed to pull through coz there was technically no known cure cept for the doggy's own strength and will to fight through and build up their own immunity so... yay!!!

brandy has been both the angel and devil lah. she's such a brat, making soooo much noise at nite. once she got me so pissed off at 3am i actually cried. yea.... angry tears.. i can't even remember when was the last time i cried angry tears. but then when she's sweet she's such a darling... learning to sit and sitting without command for food... now she's learning to shake hands.. my sweet little brat darling. sigh.. what have i gotten myself into???

and nah... i'm no superwoman, far from it actually.. i'm just the mummy who feeds them when they get hungry and tell their daddy not to whack them (mostly brandy) too hard coz heart pain. he's the hero lah... from staying up to make sure they dun make noise so i can get enough sleep, to waking up to bring them for pee breaks... feeding them, taking them out for walks... training and disciplining them... i just join in the happy side. hehe.. some kind of mummy i am..

but hey, work's been tough... challenging coz of the language but overall fun. i love my job and my colleagues have been nothing but kind, understanding and patient. i think i'd have killed me if i were them, but they were super sweet. the entire office will head out for lunch together and today, they accompanied me to a medical hall coz my ulcers were so bad that my tongue looked rotten. speaking of ulcers, yea.. i have two, probably due to lack of sleep and stress. methinks i might have had it a little too easy past coupla yrs.

ah well.. time to learn, time to grow, time to live... i still believe moving out and away from home always teaches one to gain a certain type of independence that u can never get no matter how liberal or free rein ur parents give you.

i'm treasuring it.. and i'm missing home a little... ah well... the brat and the sweetheart are both asleep liao.. methinks.. ahem, i might need to sleep soon. OH GAWD!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING!!

where should i begin?

2008-02-23T21:32:00.004+08:00

i'm prolly sleep writing at this point but phew, finally ONE off day for me tomorrow before heading bk to work on monday morning. weekends or more so, sunday, has never looked so precious since i stopped wedding planning almost 4 yrs ago.

since i got bk to tpe it's been nothing but work work work. i know i signed up for this life, so i'm gonna embrace it and proclaim that I LOVE MY JOB!!! (despite the fact that i no longer have any social life, and this is only my first week.)

so... brief update on the 'adventurous' life i now have after making that decision and taking the job...

me gotz two little puppies (one adopted and one purchased) and they are CUTEEEE as hell. i'm too busy and tired to do all the photo thingy but trust me, it'll pop up online soon enough (when i get my well deserved sunday off).

the older and also first in the family is whisky (i wonder why) who's an adorable 3 yr old mixed breed we adopted from the vet. somehow something miraculous happened when peter went to the vet to look at timbre's autopsy and we ended up with this precious sweet little thing.

the younger is *breathe* mustarsky in human, i mean doggy, i mean real life... yes... i have a freaking husky!!!!!!!!!! *breathe* dream come true, this little brat came into the family when we decided that whisky should have a playmate so they can tire each other out. she's a two month old pure breed. sky blue eyes... deep blue rite in the middle. gawd she is beautiful. and she's called, ahem, brandy... no, i'm not opening a pet bar.

whisky's the good girl that is super appreciative coz she was a stray and thus is grateful to us and all.. brandy's the brat. nuff said.

yawnz... my fucking pole doesn't fit coz it wasn't long enough.. (haha.. i know it sounds wrong but i dun have another other way of describing it! -sorry baby) sigh.. i was so disappointed coz we were almost done fixing it up when we put them together and it was kinda way off. argh... thought i could start getting fit for elissa's wedding.

me needs new house with lower ceiling and also so that when brandy and whisky grow up they have a bigger area to play around in.

yawnz.. i'm gonna crash... just wanted to update but i dunno why this turned into an essay type length post. i miss typing in english. argh... i feel so inadequate.. like i stutter or something. cannot speak cheena properly. argh.. gimme 3 months k? *cross fingers* okok i really should sleep. i spent my friday nite in the office and will spend my sat nite sleeping!!! omg.... and i can't wait to be able to spend time at home... hahaha... talk abt being domesticated.

yawnz... okok.. good nite!!

Goodbye Timbre

2008-02-06T16:58:00.000+08:00

i know i'm suppose to be doing housework but as soon as i finish one task, i stop and space out.

he taught me how to be patient and showed me how i might be like as a mom. the sacrifices that were made, i learnt how to do them because i love and not just because of responsibility, watching how he spent his last few weeks with us, i'd like to know he went away happy and not shivering in the bitter taiwan rain and cold.

he taught me how to take the good, the bad, the naughty, the cuteness, the shit and all in stride. even talking abt the texture of his shit became simple over dinner type topics.

he taught me how to be partners with someone, respecting, growing and learning to take care of another life together whilst not fighting for leadership or tearing each other's head off.

he taught me to open up and created conversations for me and other pet owners, maybe that was God's way of giving me new friends and helping me improve my spoken mandarin.

he taught me how simple it can be to find joy in coming home to a wagging tail, a shake of a paw and the intense pride i can have when he understands both 'sit' and ‘坐下‘.

he gave me a glimpse of what it's like to be stuck at home just because he can't be left alone and i realise i just need mojo and a beer, and preferably company. but it was pms... anyway, i digress.

heartwarming and heartwrenching it was for the past coupla weeks. i hope he's happier wherever he is... thank God he's no longer in pain.

and i hope i made your last weeks as happy and as fulfilling as you made mine... I will always remember you.. my baby timbre.

25 days later...

2008-02-02T14:10:00.000+08:00

i have miraculously adopted a dog, went for one interview, not smoke, not shop (only on occasion), got depressed, send out tons of resumes and finally, I FOUND A JOB!!!!

SOOOOO..... that means yes, i'm employed!!!!! again!!!! sayyyyy YAYYY!~!~!~!

i'm gonna be bk tomorrow nite and then it's errands after errands then cny. my last coupla weeks of freedom before heading bk to taipei and starting on my new new life, proper.

timbre's still sick... lose his appetite again and started puking. he just got taken of the drip yesterday. sigh.... i hope he pulls through.

hokay.. gotta go do motherly duties and pick him from the vet. hope he's better today. i love that boy.

remind me again...

2008-01-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

what was the main reason of coming here??

sigh.. it's my last week here in taipei and i can't quite figure out if what i've done this entire time is enough.

my most important task was to get myelf a freaking job and so far, i've only gone for one interview (which led to me attending a coupla meetings and event with them), sent out my resumes to two other places and zilch. i've got a coupla suggestions to try out at a friend's travel agency, i could go to more hotels or more wedding companies but the main problem remains the same. most of them require me to already have a work visa or some sort of visa that enables me to stay here over a longer period of time, which is sickening coz i need the companies to apply for the visa for me.. i need job for work visa and i need work visa for job. fucking chicken and egg theory.

my only consolation to this whole job seeking shit is that thankfully, i'm blissfully happy.

i must admit. i'm having a minor freaking out moment here. i guess that's what happens when one has too much time on their hands.

timbre has been an angel. he's doing great now and his life is no longer in danger. i guess it's also time now to learn about the responsibilities of taking care of another life. it's no longer just me or us. i can't quite say, 'hey, let's go for a drink' and head to the nearest bar. i can't. anymore. i'm not complaining coz he's such a sweetie (i'm talkin abt timbre). i'm just having a little alcohol deficiency here, not enough nutrients running through my blood stream. kinda missing that freedom a little.

maybe the loneliness does get to me everytime he goes to work.

once again, timbre's such a sweetie, he's just lazing beside me while i whine my afternoon away. i can't really go out too far coz of the silly fuckingly stupid financial situation i put myself in. fuck, i can't even do my hair. ok now i'm ranting. methinks it might be pms. i wish i could bring timbre to more places but i need money to travel and dun even know the place well! i wish i could bring him to the freaking zoo or just somewhere where he can run and play freely.

i wish i could do that too, to do what i want, whenever i want. okay, maybe i am missing my freedom a little more than i thought i would.

fuck man, i need a job. i'm going crazy doing nothing when everything that has to be done has been done. i'm so occupied with just taking care and being around timbre, i'm turning into a neat freak that wants to buy my doggie shoes so that he wun dirty his feet after a bath and dirty the house with pawprints. he's got a hoodie though, haha.. only to keep him out of the chills since he's scrawny as heck and to prevent people from thinking that we starved him till his ribcage showed.

check out hip hop timbre. we intend to bling him up. haha.. shit.. poor boy!

i'm happy, blissful, dun get me wrong. just not peacefully happy. the nagging at the back of my head keeps going on and on and on and on... omg i can't wait for gracia and sam to get their asses here.

i need to be practical. i need a fucking job. NOW.

another day with the little one

2008-01-23T07:51:00.001+08:00

it's been 3 days since we got timbre. good times and bad times, painful times and silly times all make it worth it i guess. and he either recognises our voices or his name coz he responses pretty well and is soooo obedient. maybe more so just coz he's sick. sick but still damn freaking strong lah.

my poor little boy had already been having diarrhoea since the day we got him. and with the poop was a little tinge of blood. doc said to monitor it. last evening he started pooping just blood. and a whole lot of it. sigh... then almost every other hour we had to bring him downstairs just so he can let go. not pee though, just liquid poop and blood all the way. sigh... gonna bring him in to see the vet and he might have to stay for 24hour observation. no marneeee ahhhhh... (how abt a donation drive?)

anywayz, despite being so sick, he's still pretty smart and strong. we decided to sleep outside with him again coz it's easier for us to wake up and bring him out if he needs to poop. fell asleep right around 1am and 4am we woke up to an empty cushion (he sleeps on a similar cushion beside us) and found him not in the toilet but in the master bed room, on the bed, head on the pillow, sleeping. tamade! smartypants cheated us of our bed!! he decided to be all sweet and innocent and slept between our legs under the blanket until we woke up to find him back in the room again. but this time he didn't look too comfy. he was just at the edge of the bed, shivering.

poor boy puked abt 3 different places around the house. thank god there wasn't any poop!

waiting to go bring him to the doc soon. is this what it feels like to eventually become parents and be worried sick when your kid falls sick?? the man looks like he makes a great pet owner and dad but i'm wondering if i'm cut out for it. haha...

doc says he'll be alright in the immediate future (3-5days) but we're not sure if he can get well in time. we're just doing the best we can to make whatever time he has left comfy and painless. hope he'll hang in though, just wanna see him healthy and jumpy and noisy as he should be.

alrighty. i'm going for breakfast then off to the vet. such a detour to my initial plan for this trip. i just hope i get the job so i dun have to waste time looking for other interviews. time flies!! i'm gonna be bk in abt 2 weeks.

kinda like a glimpse into the future this is... isn't to bad, eh?

god sent

2008-01-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

so peter and i were minding our own business thinking of whether we wanted to catch a movie or not and because it was cold, i didn't wanna go outside so we hung in the shopping complex a little while more when dear little timbre walked up to us. yes, in the middle of a shopping centre.

he was scrawny as heck lah... that poor boy, and we decided to feed it. but i guess because of the fact that we've been pet hunting for a while now and peter dreamt of a similar looking dog (think hush puppy) just the nite before, and he snuggled in nicely with me in the cab while taking it to a pet shop to ask wat the hell are we suppose to do with it, and after taking it to the vet and all that, we decided to keep it since it obviously wasn't anyone else's.

and i'm gonna be one of those irritating mums and go on and on talking about my boy ... so here's timbre!!!

actually i have a million more pictures but i gotta rotate them (yes pris) before i post them so.. ahem...

CUTE RITE?!~?!?~

i'm a happy mummy!!

nuaing a weekend away

2008-01-19T18:37:00.000+08:00

i know i said that the weather was puuurfect during the first week, and honestly, that was it. right after i posted my previous bloggie, the freaking weather turned against me. some cold draft coming in from the north, they say. well, freaking froze the shit out of me. it started to drop to 15 degrees and thereafter 11degrees and not going above 15 degrees. but u see, before i got here, i asked my sis abt the weather and she said it was bearable.. ard 19 degrees and all so i specifically told my mum to take the winter jacket i had packed out of my cargo bag so that i can bring more stuff. tamade!!

okie.. anyways, things have been going pretty well here. my bodyclock went from being in US time to being NZ time. yes i actually fell asleep two nights in a row before 10am and got up at 6am. and it was a fri and sat nite. sigh... WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!??!?~

oh well... interview went really well, 1.5hours. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. almost feels like i'm putting all my eggs in one basket but let's see how that goes. and i'll prolly be more aggressive in my jobsearch come next week.

been window shopping in pet shops here and i'm sooo in lurve with the kittens and puppies!!! i still want a husky but methinks we might get ourselves a pussy (ahem) if and when i do get a job and get more settled here. the cats are SOOOO cute!!!!!! sorry prissy la la n vina.

okie.. my batt's running out and i gotta catch a volleyball game (must lose weight!!!) in a bit (actually we're late)

miss u all lots!!!

1st week in taipei

2008-01-13T14:30:00.000+08:00

hoookay! hallo peeps!! i finally get the chance to sit down, recollect my thoughts and type something.

almost 2 weeks (10 days) and flown by and i'm pretty settled in (holiday-wise) in taipei. the weather's been puurrfect so far, the shopping's been great so far and after sending my sister bk to sg tonight, i'm gonna start serious jobsearch.

2008 has been pretty nice to me.

black party came and went and was a blast coz methinks everyone went home buzzed. it's so nice when everyone there was ready to parrrteh... btw, i fell down at one point (i wonder why) and hurt my tail bone. went to see a doc after my sydney flight and he wanted to send me for an x-ray. unfortunately, i had a flight to catch within an hour so it's still pain pain now. *pouts*

my last flight to sydney on the airbus came and went and even though it was tiring as hell and nobody quite understood why i'd let myself go through that shit flight, methinks at least i can say, been there, done it. moving on to greater things...

hitting the road, going through 3 airports in less than 24 hours came and went. boy i was so tired after sydney and on my way to taipei that i slept as soon as i got onboard then only woke up occasionally when i needed a drink.. or when the aircraft landed with a huge "dhish".

finally met my baby (who's sleeping beside me like a pig now) and the past week's been great just hanging out with him and my sister. good bonding time for all of us.

met up with a coupla ex-colleagues last nite and partied a little with them. went for breakfast/supper at 5am and somehow the conversation always goes back to flights, passengers, work, colleagues and shitheads. i'm not part of that industry anymore and while it's nice to know what they're gossiping abt and have my own inputs, i realise, i'm really am glad i no longer have to go through all that shit. and having to walk from t3 to t2 and all? having to see sydney almost every month? i guess.. it's reallly no love lost there.

the ones that i miss will always be able to come see me when they come to taipei. teeheehee...

let's keep our fingers crossed for what the future holds.

in the meantime, methinks it's time to get some food and get my sis to the airport.

tata!~

happy new f@%king 2008!!

2008-01-03T11:21:00.000+08:00

as if in an attempt to spoil my new year, something HAS to screw up.

my cargo bag with all the new stuff i bought for the new year, my digicam with pics of my new year in frankfurt, my black handy bag and lv bag, my winter coat are all somewhere taking free plane rides while i'm stuck here in sg wondering where the hell it is.

it had to happen on my 2nd last flt.

hope it gets delivered back to me by this sat if not how to pack for taipei?

the countdown begins...

6 more days before meetin my baby.
5 more days before hitting the road.
3 more days before my very last flt.
2 more days before the 'black' party.

ahh.. i can't wait!!!

"i'm leaving on a jetplane.. don't know when i'll be back again.."

end of the year posts usually mean...

2007-12-30T18:44:00.000+08:00

it's time to evaluate 2007 and come up with unrealistic 2008 resolutions that cause people to just give up making coz it usually gets screwed within the first month.. i know mine did. sigh..

so.. looking bk at the entire year which started a teeny weeny bit shitty, i think it pretty much moved up from there. lots and lots of life changing decisions were made but for the first time in a long time, i'm actually not depressed on christmas (i was more pissed off and frustrated) and new year's day.

i often look back on past blogs, especially those written around this period of time exactly a year or two ago and compare it with this present moment. there seemed to be more similarities than differences.. hmm... that ain't so healthy no? coz doesn't it mean that a year ago, or even two years ago, the things i was whining abt now are the exactly same things i was whining abt then? which led me to think.. "damn, my life hasn't changed one bit eh?"

today i'm gonna make sure i change that.

so let's see..

i've always said i wanna try to drink less, so let's do that.
i've never said i wanted to quit smoking, so let's try that.
i've always loved a challenge and now that pole dancing's done, i'll try something else.
i've always resolved to save up so i'll keep that up.
i've always complained abt my weight but actually all i wanna do is tone up, so let's do that.

i'm having mixed feelings abt 2008. stressed by the fact that as i'm typing, my employment status is becoming more and more uncertain. ha! but i'm super excited abt going to tpe and doing something different so i guess.... bottomline.. i'm happy...

somehow something tells me everything will be okay.

merry christmas! eve!

2007-12-24T08:43:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas eve peeps...

due to unforeseen circumstances, i'm back in sg and spending my christmas in sg. sigh... fucked up thing was this christmas was suppose to be a surprise visit to taipei and well... we all know how much i hate standbys. this last activation really pissed me off big time. but well, lan lan so here i am. christmas eve, alone. PTUI!

anywayz, i'm quitting so whatever.

which reminds me, two weeks notice means i've got to tender my resignation on 26dec. that's two days from now. that's scary. let's hope i'll be mentally and financially ready to embark on this new journey. i realised, looking back at how my life has been, every single part of the plot has been mapped out and carried out accordingly. yes i may have had quite a lot of detours here and there but ultimately, i got what i wanted. i lived the life as a holy schmoly christian, living my life purposefully. deciding that i didn't want to be overprotected and wanting very much to learn life as it is, i literally became devil's advocate, lived wildly and freely, purposefully wanting to make as many mistakes, stir as much shit and push my body to the limits. and now, not that i've lived it, but i will be living out the normadic life that i've always wanted to try, being able to travel the world with that special someone and just... live, anywhere. let's see how that works out.

so yes... i'm already beginning to miss flying. but that said, i'm looking forward every single day to touch down in sg after my last, final flight and say goodbye to my uniform, handbag, nametag, stupid lousy quality sandals... etc. oh and the make up, and nail polish. who can forget my love hate relationship with it?

i wonder if i will cry or tear on my last flight. as i'm on my way to taipei, will i be like the passenger i saw a coupla months back wiping a tear that was just trickling down her face because she was relocating.

i can't help but wonder... "how will my life pan out from here?"

i just... wonder...

wishlist

2007-12-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

i just went for a little window shopping with prissy-la-la this afternoon in tampines mall. sheesh... there's so many people out doing last min christmas shopping, even in tampines mall. i can't even start to imagine the masses out at orchard rd.

hokay! brilliant idea from pris, i shall save my angel some trouble and suggest a coupla items i would like to hap for this christmas. kekeke... short of being thick skinned, i'm just trying to save the poor soul from wrecking his or her brain, spending time shopping for something that i may not need or what. BUT if you've already bought something, dun worry, chances are, i'll still like it anyways. *grinz*

oh and since the birthday is round the corner, ahaha, i know... i know... there's still sel's and louis's bday FIRST... but no harm.. erm.. throwing in a few ideas lah.. teeheehee..

dear angel and nice people out there, here's my wishlist...

- organiser from popular (pris actually has a pic of it so.. erm.. can ask her to sms details. keke.. cheeeep cheeep~!)
- english-chinese electronic dictionary
- a new hp.. (i know.. i promise i'll hang it round my neck if i go drinking in future. oh, maybe mummy might handle that)
- a burberry's blue label baggie for work. (kinda long shot, eh? nvm, for my own ref)
- memory card with big enough memory for good long videos.
- oh and one looong kiss frm the bf. (hur hur.. sickening... i know..)

methinks that's it leh.

oh, okay, since we've always wanted to do like a formal sit-down dinner kinda fine-dining makan thingy, we'll do it on my bday okie? so everybody gets to dress up and look oh so gorgeous. need u guys to help come up with suggestions too.. and keep 5 jan freeee... please.

thanks thanks!! ladidaaa..

i'm psyching myself up

2007-12-11T23:41:00.000+08:00

so fun so fun!! i received an sms from ms wu early one morning (paris time) saying that i'm somebody's santarina this christmas and i've gotta get a gift for him/her!!

at least this yr i dun have to crack my head to think of pressies to buy for almost abt 15 people, with additionals here and there, heh, and just concentrate on one person. errr.. make that two... hah!

and omg the last time i played this angel and mortal game was when i was in church!! freaking.. erm... 7 yrs ago? man i feel old but this is kinda nostalgic, so yah...

i'm just wondering how many of us are really gonna keep the... secret of who your mortal is until that day itself? teeheehee..

pardon the randomness, i'm back from paris, jet lagged and slept the entire day.

this christmas should be fun... i hope...

back in paris...

2007-12-09T04:28:00.000+08:00

just feel like writing something today.

i nuaed the last coupla days away, visiting val (that poor gal, hope she can ride (i mean.. walk properly) soon), eating alot of freaking cheeeeken rice, watching dvds, going for the 380 course, ktving till 6am, drinking and more drinking. and i kinda feel like my life is wasting away.

i did do something constructive though, my resume complete with a photo is now ready to rumble both in print and web versions. yay! and i kinda got myself an interview date with this events company ceo in taiwan. yay yay!! which brings me back to the fact that quitting is gonna do me good. i need to feel the rush and stress again.. and no, rushing to finish a meal service, feeding 42 hungry passengers, making sure all of them are happy and dandy, and working in the confines of a tiny shithole with 6 other people who u bum into everytime u turn around, saying sorry a million and one times, making sure u're not rude even though you're busy as hell with colleagues asking the stupidest questions then scolding you for nothing, is not the kind of stress i need or want.

i prefer giving stress. me slavedriver...

anyways, i'm in paris now. paris reminds me of soooo many things, people and shit. but in all, i still think it's a romantic place to be in. i guess it's nice to have someone to think about when you're somewhere different. wishing he could see this or hey.. we must do this sometime and oh.. i'll bring you here one day... but then of course the part where you start missing the person sets in and you go like.. "omg, i miss u so much!" and not being able to even chat online since we're miles and timezones apart isn't helping. faster go bk to taipei or something. better yet, make that sg. kekeke...

ps: if we ever have a big huge fight because i'm being unreasonably emo and pms-sy coz it mostly will just be pms and i can get very irritatingly short tempered, unreasonable (i know i already said that), emo (this too), basically... just looking for trouble, picking a fight and screwing things up, please dun ever walk away. just kiss it away, ok? and fyi, i reallly reeeallly appreciate your patience with the smoking bit.

okay.. back to being.. ahem, not so mushy... it was one of those moments...

ladidadida... i'm suppose to be out partying now, but some of my colleagues bailed out on me, and because we drank upon checking in which led to a pounding headache all through dinner, i'm just gonna stay in and drink evian mineral water. my head is still pounding though. omg, it's only 10pm here! wtf am i gonna do the rest of the nite?!

hokay, i just downloaded firefox, hopefully the silly hotmail thingy can work on it. i might be back to drop another post. i get bored easily.. it's like.. i'm... talking to myself. Help!! i'm flaky and peeling like hell but i no hap moisturiser.. sighh..

and the peeling goes on... au revoir!~

shark dive!!

2007-12-03T02:20:00.000+08:00

beautiful day at capetown to begin my beautiful day with a 2 hour drive to a quint little town near dangerpoint....

...where me and my colleague jaswant had yummy toast and half boiled eggs for brekkie...

... at a nice little cottage like placed call Antique Rose. Bit like a b&b place for people who are going for an adventure with jaws...

there's the bait...

and the cage where human bait are stupidly and willingly being dipped into the water amongst our friendly white sharks...

to be continued in the next post... hur hur hur...

shark dive part 2

2007-12-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

we donned the wet suit that was amazingly freakingly tight and uncomfortable... but at least it kept us a little warmer than the pathetic long sleeve shirt i had on...

... the weather was perfecto...

the sharkcage was lowered...

... and so were the human shark bait...

... we sighted a sharkie shark... swimming our way.. before... SWIMMING OFF!!!

and that's it. shark diving for u.

arghhhhhh..... after suffering from unnecessary sea sickness made worst by the stupid fishy bait and the stinking seals at seal island.... we headed home... only sighting a shark's fin! fuck man.. i could've seen more at tung lok lor.

oh.. but we saw 2 hugeass whales...

at least... ahem.. i got a free voucher to go back and catch them silly sharks... someday.

another week has passed...

2007-12-01T15:14:00.001+08:00

and... i'm sitting in my living room with my mum, auntie and sister.

and guess what.. my mum suddenly said.. "diana! you're very late already" and my auntie chips in with.. "yah... you know when we were at this age, our kids were already 2 yrs old." and my sister didn't help when she went.. "i wanna get married!!"

ahem.. my mum tells me to hurry hurry up go get married then she can be more 放心。 i wonder why. and i can do whatever i want... ahem.. legally. nooooo... not that i'm doing anything illegally... kekekeke...aiyah...

it doesn't help that my auntie and mum are munching on peanuts. i miss my peanut. (wahaha.. shit, so mushy!) and no, i wasn't hinting about anything above okay? chill...

anyways, it's official.. muahaha..

and i've also decided that my last day of work is gonna be on my birthday, which is.. ahem.. 8jan and i will be tendering my resignation on boxing day, thereafter serve my 2 weeks notice and my last flight is gonna be my first airbus 380 flt to sydney. and if all goes well, the date for my taipei trip should also be on 8jan as i try to catch the last flt into taipei. say.. yay!!

so please people... STOP ASKING ME when i'm leaving.

last coupla days, weeks went by in a flash and i'm actually very happy and contented with how things are going. i was kinda stressed out wondering when i should quit, whether to leave after 13month and all but now that the roster is out, i'm glad it's all gonna work out. it's happening very quickly... hope i dun suddenly freak out though.

anywayz, i guess that week was made much easier to bear coz mr peanut made an impromptu trip to sg just to see how i was doing and to make sure i was doing okay. i really really appreciated it. REALLY. sometimes i wonder how things changed, when things changed and why things changed but whatever happened there, i'm glad it happened. talk abt being blissful. it's sickening.. haha!

but it's nice, i'm sure we all know, to be able to talk to someone who gets you and understands you without you having to say anything or explain too much. and be crazy about someone who's also crazy about you. so i'm "hhggaappy"..

ok shit, i'm grossing myself out now. haha.. excuse me while i go puke. bleahhh... *shy*

and i'm gonna join my sis and tease my dad abt his weight. kakaka...

one sweet last day

2007-11-22T02:27:00.000+08:00

tonight marks the last nite that my grandfather's body remains by our side. from the time i heard the news from my sister after touching down in frankfurt and leaving in 12 hours to catch the earliest flight home, from the time i stood by his side asking why couldn't he wait for another 8 days for me to come home, from the time we started the entire wake till tonight, we've all been busy. busy making sure guests get their drinks, nuts, money collected... busy making sure family members get sufficient rest and food... busy making sure everything is in working condition.

but even with the buzz around, one thing stood out everynight during service. the message of how we are never in control of our lives, how short and fragile it is, but how meaningful it can be when you know what you're living for, you know where you're heading to and you treasure everyone that God has put in your path.

a thought struck me tonight as i listened to the msg. the pastor recalled how my grandfather would pick himself up despite being in a wheelchair just to make sure he attends service every single sunday, how he would dress immaculately, confidentally and faithfully go to church week after week even though he's only known christ after my grandmother passed away. i realise that it was the belief that he will one day be reunited with his wife again in heaven and the love for her made him strong enough to praise God fervently believeing that He was the only way.

even at his deathbed, a coupla days before he passed on, he would, in his faintest whispers, sing praises to God. the last significant thing i managed to do was to hold his hand while he personally said a prayer, asking simply for comfort and a good nite's sleep.

told my cousin that even though we haven't always been around, we've all been given the opportunity to spend a little quality time as he hopped from home to home staying for a month each. an entire lifetime and it was only duing the last weeks at my place that i got to spend an extended period of time with him, kiss him, hold his hand and whisper “公公，去睡覺了。“

i love him and i love all my other grandparents that have gone on long before him. each and everyone have been significant and have been a big huge part of what i've become. i was afraid i wouldn't feel this way about this particular grandpa at first coz we haven't been significantly close or anything but i realise it's never too late to touch and be touched by someone.

i'll always remember that nite when u held my hands and whispered that prayer.

the ability to be random

2007-11-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

so i'm trying to figure out how the hell am i suppose to pack my room. i really dunno how i managed to squeeze all that shit into my room but i'm gonna have to clear it before i leave for taipei. if not... erm... methinks, at least it'll give me something to do during the 2nd half of dec when i'm jobless. that, and preparing for christmas. i wonder what we're gonna do this yr. or if we'll even be doing anything. or is everyone gonna be celebrating with other halves. i better start planning something with the singles. ha! or stay home and (learn to) cook turkey.

maybe i should quit after i get my bonuses. but that's just gonna drag till my contract ends and beyond. anywayz, cleaning up my room may take more time to be completed. so we'll see. i'm just procrastinating as much as i can because it's.. quite a daunting task.

if i'm so bored at home on my off days, with boredom and the stress of cleaning up my room, do you think that i'll go mad? *picture hair all over the place holding plastic bag, face mask and shitload of paper* if i recycle all the paper and stuff in my room, maybe i could save a coupla trees, do something good for the environment. okay.. i'm gonna do that. distribute my shit to recyclables and non-recyclables.

maybe i could do some volunteer work. eh.. maybe i could go for a crash course on make-up and get a cert! oh.. or a crash course on exotic or belly dancing.. or salsa or lindy hop.

oooh.. suddenly so many things to do before i leave... i'm getting excited again.

okie.. now i go help prissy la la with research.

back to english.. finally..

2007-11-07T02:03:00.000+08:00

oh! haha! apparently all i had to do to change my language back to english was a click of a button away. but because the entire blogsite was in mandarin, i never realised the option was there. haha! ditz moment 101.. but hey, i got my english settings back! yay!!!

am currently (still) working on my silly resume that's driving me nuts. first i've got to find the appropriate job description, phrase it nicely, then figure out how to translate the entire blardy thing. which reminds me, i need to buy a freaking english-chinese dictionary the next time i'm in taiwan.

granddad's finally regained consciousness this morning and seems he recognises faces as well. according to the ct scan they did for him the nite he got admitted, his brain's pretty mangled up so... i guess... well... count down begins... and i've got to make an effort to be there as often as i can. looking at him reminds me of how i lost gonggong and mama... never fails to make me tear. and i never knew, but apparently he's english name is james.

just out of pure curiousity... 如果一個人很在乎朋友和家人的看法，很從事他們怎麼想，一切都要讓別人高幸就好，自己怎麼能真的開心？那一個人要讓多少步，聽從多少次，才算夠了，才會為自己想呢？如果愛一個朋友或家人都不同意的人，你會不會不關別人的想法，每天要吵要鬧也要去愛那個人，然後讓時間證明一切？

i always thought that one of the most impt hurdle my potential whoever has to go through are my friends. that if they don't click, then... it's out of the question. in fact, more important to have my friends approve than my family approve coz my family has always been pretty open and easy-going. but i've also come to realise that i'm the one ultimately that's gotta approve of whoever, myself. i guess using friend's approval is just an excuse for saying yes or no, rite?

好相每個人都看他不順眼，可是我還是很喜歡很喜歡，大家也拿我沒辦法。可是如果自己也不是說很喜歡那個人，朋友再怎麼喜歡，我還是會找結口分手。

so my point is this. i admire people around me who have taken that bold step of being with someone they love despite the lack of support. coz ultimately i believe that they will come around and see the person for who he or she is. i'm sorry if i've ever made anyone feel like i didn't approve of their relationship. i must've had my reasons but hey.. who am i to say anything? coz at the end of the day, the one who's happy, the one who's in the relationship, the one who ultimately ends up marrying the person is you, not me, not ur friends, nor ur family.

and as long as you're happy. that's what matters. but of course if shit hits the fan, i'll help to clean it up. i'm just being practical coz shit happens whether u like it or not...

and that's what my friends and family tell me all the time anywayz...

勇敢的去愛吧！！！！*exclaims to the... er... world* (ooh i love that i'm getting a hang of this chinese thingy)

one heck of a nite

2007-11-05T13:12:00.000+08:00

hmmm... this is irritating. mojo isn't working so i have to use the comp in my hall. the silly billy blog is still in chinese but the good thing for everyone else, i can't use any chinese fonts. so am stuck with engrish.

had a nice girlie dinner with dee and val (an hr later) at cafe 211 at holland v. the food was yums but service was a little... weird. we asked for serviettes and they gave us 2 pieces. asked for somemore, and we got another 2. do we actually have to specify we need maybe 4 or 5 pieces, 1 for each glass coz there were no coasters and 1 to wipe up the water that has already condensed and dripped onto the table? oh, maybe another 3 more so we can wipe our mouth? sheesh.

but other than that, the food was pretty good and the atmosphere was nice. of course, nothing beats the company. listening to dee talk about bitch of a boss, work, then listening to val talk about bitch of a boss and work.. haha.. honestly, the grass only looks greener on the other side but it almost seems like, everywhere you go, it's gonna be the same deal, same shit, same bitches. i'm glad the weirdos i meet are mostly one-offs and that i dun actually have to see them anymore, unless i am that 'suay'. but shit happens.

then off to another nite at walas to be joined by prissy lala who decided to be graciously 3 hrs late. but it's okay. i punished her by ordering another beer and putting it on her tap. hur hur hur.

then i got a call from my sis crying her eyes out coz my granddad had sudden fits and a stroke and was coughing blood.

thanks to pris's new beau, heh, they got me to the hospital in a flash and i spent the rest of the nite waiting with my parents and sis. my head was spinning not from the beer but just, i dunno, it's been aching since i got to taiwan.

it's when i see shit like this, when i sit in the hospital and look at people being wheeled in, when i talk to friends and hear their condition, i realise. damn, i should stop whining abt my fuckin headache and be thankful, content and happy with what i have now.

granddad's still unconscious, cancer has spread to his braincells........

.......

and the only thing i can do is to pray that his pain goes away....

looking back at my other grandparents.. i'm glad i even get to pray for him now.

that's life, eh?

feeling a little volatile

2007-10-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

不知道為什麼，我這個 blog 的 page 遍遍要被 stuck 在華文的 mode。害到我要一天到晚看 traditional chinese 字。哈哈哈！！天啊！我真的是超亂啊！！可是要看在我很非常非常的用心給我多一點分啦。

前天跟老媽聊天時，跟她提出到台北找工做時，問她可不可一幫我看看她公司在台北的部門需要人幫忙嗎？她拒然說ok，會幫我打聽打聽。哇！我自己也不敢相信她原來那麼 supportive！好開心啊！！

ok。as usual... i'm tired after that outburst of chinese compo. shit man.. do you realise it's almost like me writing a freaking lousy primary school standard chinese compo?? I might as well throw in 風和日’li’ see lah.. i dun even know which 'li' to use. ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

anywayz, life's been pretty good. so far so good i must say. good meaning, i'm actually not screwing up or screwing anyone else's life up. i actually feel 'clean', like... no more sleazy, drunkard, i-dunno-what-the-fuck-happened sleazy shit. finally finished up with the ROM job i got. it was okay... nothing fantastic, could've been better but I guess i was kinda rusty. No excuses though... it's time i buck up.

what irks me most was that as much as, yes, the couple were possibly and probably the most friendliest couple in this millenium, everyone wanted to talk to them despite knowing that they were suppose to do their freaking tea ceremony before lunch commences! so... here i have my couple trying to walk to the front of the hall so they can commence their tea ceremony, there i have, people suddenly stopping them in their tracks and making stupid small conversations! like.. come on.. if you were impt, you wun have to wait till the wedding day to gush over the bride and congratulate the groom and blah blah... it just feels like one of those... they HAVE to talk to the couple.. and let people see them talking to the couple so they feel fucking important. i mean... urrghhh...

and then, they had to get SO many freaking photographers to take pics!! i mean, what's the point of even hiring one if you have another 10 waiting and taking up good photography spots and destroying the pictures by being IN the picture of the official photographer!?

oh.. lastly, my groom got drunk. that's funny lah... he's the 2nd groom in the history of my wedding planning career that I've seen drop like a fly. it was amusing until this fucking friend decided to put the blame on me (in front of his other friends, albeit jokingly... but STILL???) saying as wedding planner i should've helped the groom 擋酒. for goodness sake... then wat's the point of having the freakin brothers there?

urgh.. u know.. sometimes i wonder... do i really still love planning weddings or issit something i've made myself believe to love? do i? do i really?? in anycase, the fucker of a friend of the groom is still hounding me with smses and phonecalls (after pretending to be a potential client to get my no.) like.... FUCK OFFFFFF. go awayy!! wat's with me, guys and weddings anyway!?~ sigh.. not that it's all bad.. but.. aiyah!! not the point..

okay.. i'm suppose to be happpy. kekeke... no seriously, so pls pardon the outburst of vulgarity. i just don't like having to deal with irritants like that.

other than that, i am. the thought of leaving sq, the thought of finding something else to do. the thought of starting my life on a fresh clean slate. i knoe the shit i've done can never be erased. they've also done me no good cept to keep me firmly planted on my bed of thorns and roses. but they are the also the things that help me appreciate the good, the beautiful, and the simple in life. and for that, i thank god. and being at peace with him, actually makes me feel happy. like, i know there's nothing and there's no need to hide, anymore.

but once again, ... i'm not perfect and i'll never be. i'll make mistakes again, i'll screw up again but that's life, eh? i'll try NOT to though...

brings me to another point. do you really need to be in love or is seriously like someone, or even maybe an infactuation or hugeass crush, whatever.. but at which point will you allow it to get serious to the point of potentially breaking someone elses's heart? and how will you know, how do you tell one feeling from the other?

i'm just blabbering, in case you're wondering, NO, contrary to popular belief, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ME.

hokay! time to go shower!! i smell of aircraft!!

blabberings from lax

2007-10-23T09:39:00.000+08:00

我的天啊！原來用中文，由其是凡替字真的很有髫戰型！我連正確的字都不知道選的對不對。所已請不要笑hor！

就這樣啦，我看到有一點累了。要改用回英文了！

did anyone bother to read the above?

yes, in my attempt to ahem.. improve my mandarin, my friends have been typing to me in chinese characters. and i've been working on my resume, trying to translate proper terms into phrases that make sense and using the correct characters for the correct words. It takes me an average of.. erm.. 5 to10 min to work out a complete phrase (yah.. not even sentence coz i'm using point form). haha.. how pathetic.. hur..bleah.

anywayz, am in LAX now and i must say, it's been pretty fruitful. Yes i may have spent a helluva time working on the resume but it's ALMOST done! constructive i must say! Everybody say.. huurayy..!~ ya.. i'm going nuts. it's really driving me crazy!

my wrists still hurt like crazy and i wonder what the x-ray results will say. it's not a muscle thing lor but i dun think it's anything serious lah.. if not, how to wakeboard? or do pole? or.. do anything!? I can't rest my head on my hands without going 'ouch' man. good lah.. quit my job and start healing my body.. sheeet man, first it's my back, then my wrist. i'm gonna be bedridden if i dun quit soon.

apparently, according to my church mentor, this stewardess that he knows has never missed a sunday service or a cellgroup. it seems, i mean.. she must've prayed and well.. He answered but.. walao! never missed a friday cell or sunday service?! that means she got alot of weekends off lah!! damn lucky can? how come i hardly see weekends in sg? ahem.. i know that's not the point but.. ya...not fair.

i know i'm being very random, bouncing off here and there. i miss my friends!! i haven't seen much of anyone lately! it's always me work they free. they work, me free!! methinks i see my banana in taiwan more than i see the rest in sg lor!!

any plans for halloween? i mean.. it's halloween!! shall we do something? pretty pretty please?

methinks it's the sugar rush talking (diet coke has less sugar or no sugar?).

girlies, if u read this, please, can we do something?... i miss u all so sooo much.

testing waters part 2

2007-10-16T10:16:00.000+08:00

in the spirit of testing waters, i dropped a little hint here and there about the idea of me taking up pole dancing to my dad. who remained silent throughout the time i was talking. then the next day during dinner, he suddenly raised the topic and told my mum that i was 'thinking of taking up pole dancing'. imagine the shock and horrors if they knew. ahh well..

so it seems, after i've spoken in a little more detail to my mum about me looking for a job outside of singapore. actually, turns out that her major concern wasn't abt me leaving sg (although she's rather me not go) but that she just didn't want me to screw up my life with my current lifestyle. (which i dun understand... coz i hardly party anymore and i'm hardly smoking, and other than the occasional drinking, i'm hardly drunk lor!!) sigh.. ohh welll...

but in anycase, i've come to the conclusion that my parents had a more adversed reaction to me doing pole than me going overseas. i'm taking it positive. i'll just never bring Bruse home lah.

oh i've decided to name my pole bruse because it sounds manly enough... and it gives me alot of bruises... hur hur hur... :P

i'm going to bombay tonight... sianzzzz....

a little me time

2007-10-12T15:34:00.000+08:00

brrr.. my room suddenly got colder and the rain just started pouring outside, and i wonder why... *winks at prissy-la-la*

that being said, i miss the rain and afternoons at home with nothing to do. i mean, there are tons i could be doin, like calling up suppliers, typing out my resume then very painfully translating them to mandarin, washing my clothes, watching DVDs that i've been hanging onto for ages, doing some housework... blah blah... but i like to just sit on my bed, wait for the thunder after i see the lightning flash, watch the rain through my window, listen to newly uploaded songs in my itunes and ... space out. i dun space out that much anymore ever since pole and wedding and with all the constant flight changing, so this is good... me time.

sarah mclachlan's Angel is playing in the background now. how apt!

i guess it hasn't really sunken in with me thinking of leaving sg for a glimpse of the unknown but reading prissy-la-la's blog is kinda reminding me of the fact that should i go, i will be leaving everything i love and loved behind. to leave, is to give up the ability to sms the gang with magic words like "dinner", or "plans" and see how everyone responds. sometimes, enough to have a impromptu gathering. to leave, is no more dempsey roads, winebars, steamboats, club normantons, charades, timbre, walas, girly times, group hugs and big hugs. to leave is to have to depend solely on myself to make sure i stay alive, without my mum to nag me or my dad to give me free cab rides. to leave is not be able to nag at my sis and piss the shit out of her because she knows it's me trying to be a big sister and do the right thing.

but i guess... to not leave.. is to give myself another opportunity to regret a once in a lifetime chance of doing something i've always talked abt and dreamt abt. and that's enough to kickstart me, anywhere.

i have 2-3 more months to prepare for the leap into joblessness, job-seeking, loneliness, happiness with only faith as my safety net.

but hey, it's not like i'm leaving for good! and oh come on... almost everyone has had their opportunity to live and rough it out overseas and they're all back in one piece. my time has finally come... a recent friend who has become quite a sister to me said "hey babe, very happy for u n envy u at the same time coz its almost a dream to me as well. think positive! will support u fully. will miss you too. boohoo..."

so think positive i will, and all i need is that people trust either that i've thought abt it.. or if shit happens, that i can deal with it. i have been dealing fine all this while, haven't i? think of it as me starting afresh... like this other song says.. i'm daring myself to move and lift myself up off the floor. and it's not like i'm going to another planet! ain't THAT positive thinking? *smiles*

"Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight"

-angel

testing waters

2007-10-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

as opposed to the previous way i did things ie, inform my mum and dad that i was gonna move to normanton AFTER signing the contract and all that shit, getting my tattoo THEN letting them see it by accident,, i spoke to my mum and dad about me thinking of moving overseas. Of course no parent's gonna say GO FORTH to their daughter immediately, but i hope they'll warm up to the idea. afterall, methinks my pitching did make quite a bit of sense.

Yes, i may be paid employed in local terms and compete with the locals BUT i have a slight edge being bilingual (i'd like to think i will be able to survive if i live there long enough. if nicky can do it.. so can i)

Yes, when i come back, i may have to start again BUT i'll have overseas experience in a field that taipei is pretty known for ie, weddings and events.

Yes, it's a foreign country BUT that's why i'd choose places like uk, taipei or beijing where i actually know people. (uk would be too far and beijing erm... can't understand their accent)

Yes, i may be away from sg BUT methinks i'll actually go to church more regularly since it doesn't seem like there's a diff now anywayz since i'm flying.. (but hey! i'm trying)

Yes, i'll need moolah for transportation, food and lodging (contrary to popular belief, yes i'll be staying alone. bachelorette pad!) BUT things in taipei are pretty affordable and i promise i'll save, i already am!

Yes, it's something i wanna do hence i might have already made my decision BUT i know for a fact that i've prayed and prayed and decided to let Him make it happen if He wants it to.

anyway i foresee alot of questions and doubts that will be raised by the mother and father but i've also told them that i HAVE talked to the Big Guy up there and am leaving it to Him. if He thinks it's right, i'll get a job. if not, lan lan... This is called faith, eh??

and to show my mum and dad that i'm not rushing head on into something only to regret it, ahem... i've also proposed the idea of me going over for an extended period of time just to see if i really like it there. how diplomatic i am!! so the plan is, if all goes well, i'll go over in jan for about a month and see if i dun wanna kill myself by the end of the trip. might bring my sis for a short holiday too. see if she behaves and does her school work well. (haha... ms tan u reading this??)

hokay.. apparently the taiwanese stewardess told me today that wedding planners are gaining popularity there now. hur hur hur.... so see.. you never know but never say never. now it's more research and resume writing.. in mandarin!! gees... so much for making sure i didn't have to retake my mandarin during o levels and laughing like an idiot when i passed my oral with erm.. a pass... life just loves biting us in the arse.. hor?

i know this is not exactly a new song but just to share it coz i love it. and me prefers live version.. so here goes.. i'll be...

"I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life"

love this phrase

house of bols.. finally

2007-10-04T14:50:00.000+08:00

this morning (read: afternoon), i became an accidental alarm clock for my silly interactive screen saver.

it's nice to be home and up in the afternoon. i just got back from amsterdam (guess where i went!!) and i'm heading off to sydney tonight without any off days in between. sigh.. the sacrifices i have to make. and just earlier, somebody texted me and asked if i was still interested in her taipei flight on 8 oct. i'm like.. geeee.. if she msged me ealier, i wun have had to do tonight's sydney!! think of the extra rest i could've gotten!! bleah~

and true to myself, i made sure this time round (possibly my last time to ams), i went to the House of Bols. U know.. lychee liquer, apricot brandy and the works, yeap.. presenting museum of liquers!!

that's urs truly with my batchgal, alicia. miss party queen as well. hur hur..

i was tasting her drink. yuuums

my own drink was a little more... ahem.. martiniish.. not as yummy but still yummy enough

we basically ordered our concoction from a touchscreen machine and showed it to the bartenders. quite cute they are!

ah... then it was sleep, client meeting and dance. and i managed to do a buttslide!! think of it as.. erm.. sliding down the pole with a handstand using my ahem.. as the... erm.. only contact point.

damn i need a tan. hope i'm still on the right track and not free falling too quickly.

changes

2007-09-29T18:00:00.000+08:00

I will be going off to amsterdam tonight and in a bid to save moolah, i'm gonna stick to internet and gym. And becaue i've made it black and white (okay, purple and pink), please people everytime u see me online, make sure i've either gone to the gym or tell me to 'shoo'. methinks i'll just bring one set of going out clothes, and lotsa sports bra. that'll leave me no choice, eh?

I spent a nite sleeping with mojo. heehee.. talk about being so close to someone who seem to just be right beside you but yet actually thousands of miles away. a 2D interactive image. less than 45cm apart but seperated by a dumb screen. and the only reason why i'd give in to sleep is that i can't keep my eyes open.

as much as i'm totally at peace with the fact that i'm quitting sq. the realisation that i'm gonna leave this comfort zone is freaking me out, just a little lah.. but still. i possibly wun have the cash to do regular facials, manicures (but i wun need them much anymore anywayz), going for drinks and effortlessly buying a round or two. no more afternoon drinks, sleeping in, going for drinks on weekday nites, the works. but i guess that isn't what matters anyways.

what really makes me a little nervous is the fact that should i actually take off to taipei to work, what am i suppose to tell my parents? since moving to normanton was already something. i hope my mum's blood pressure wun rocket. haha.. first things first, that's IF i do get a job in taipei lah. Nicky says it's damn easy.. sure, i could end up being a babysitter lor. but, no no, in all seriousness, i DO want to go overseas to work coz it's always been my dream to leave sg for a coupla yrs, to experience something else while working and if there's someone i wanna be with there. all the more reason to, rite?

kekeke.. okie okie.. i have effectively 3 months to do my portfolio, search for job in sg and taipei, formulate my pitch to my parents, save up enough moolah, plan my last uk trip and not screw up. i think should have enough time lah, hor...? it's funny how my life is suddenly spinning around at such a pace. I mean, i've wanted it to change but not at this rate lor! but oh well.. that's why i'm an advocate of the phrase, "be careful what you wish for".

hooo weeell.. what must happen, will happen and it's no use fighting so just gotta trust in the big Guy up there lah... okie methinks i should go get ready. oh oh!! i just bought a new book last nite while aly and i were shopping and waiting for char to get off work. it's called, ahem.."Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible - Flawed Women Loved by a Flawless God." Who wants to borrow? kekeke..

clicking "refresh"

2007-09-26T12:43:00.000+08:00

good morning world!!!!! i slept a good 12 hours last nite and now, i'm super refreshed!! I feel like the part in Hairspray when the lead actress woke up and broke into a GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE song.. so.. ahem.. "good morning singapore (yuck)" lalalala...

hokay... crap crap.. well, reason why i'm so super tired is that my silly beijing flight got delayed due to a power surge (read:blackout) and basically, cockpit lost power. and because we were already on the runway, we had to wait for a new gate no, get towed back, and fixed. 3 hours later, after feeding the pax with juice, water, peanuts, biscuits and noodles, we were told to... go back to hotel coz problem cannot be rectified. that's 7pm. my flight was suppose to have taken off 4ish pm.

back at the hotel, we had no idea wat the plan was gonna be so nobody could really sleep well. and we only got the note ard 2 plus in the morning that our pick up is 7am. so yeap.. and we're operating.. and.. it's a full freaking load. argh...

and then.. it's work as per normal again (or so we thought) until we taxiied.. and taxiied.. and 2 hours later, we're still taxiing. yeap. again, flight got delayed coz we needed air traffic clearance and had to wait.. then there was a looong queue.. and then.. we had to change runway. PTUI!!! so pax who were already pissed.. got more sianz.. and while i feel their pain, i was too tired to bother. so a simple 5hr 30min flight becaue a super draggy overnite and thereafter 9 hrs flight! basket, never even hit 2.5 times.

ah well... work hard for the money, eh? it's not easy money lor!!!

and my entire week's schedule got screwed up. I guess the only good thing is i got taken off my colombo flight. heehee... yay!

methinks i've more or less come to a decision to quit in jan, take the rest of the month off (since i have been working since graduation and i'm tired) before looking for a job. (my last horriday!!!) as excited as i am about quitting and stepping outta my comfort zone and coming back to earth, i am also shit scared as hell lah!. the subsequent looking for jobs (anybody got lobang?) getting lesser pay, bringing work home, additional stress, looong working hours, no more overseas trips (!!!) sigh.. i wonder why i put myself through it. but i guess i've answered the question to myself and the million and one people who have asked me. i NEED to do something different and something that challenges me... and well, I guess i'm done with the past 3 yrs of discovering the world and myself. now's the time to start establishing and rooting myself, somewhere. so big bad world, here i come, again...

apart from that, i guess what i'm most happy about is the fact that i feel like i've just woken up from a super long sleep/nightmare/watchumacalit. the past 3 yrs, as fun and as entertaining and as crazy as it has been, i guess i lost myself and basically allowed myself to explore dark alleyways and do stupid things. i dun regret it... but i'm not proud of it.. it's more like a been there done that and now, i think i've been there enough and done that sufficiently. so yeap. i'm done. it's like.. clicking on the refresh button and reloading now.

so it's back to more resume writing, sending them out, interviews, getting nervous coz you dunno if you got the job, whatever whatever... so exciting!! so scary!! so ... ahhhh!!!! lucky i got a coupla weddings to keep me occupied in jan and feb. IF NOT, DIE. i hope i dun die of boredom while i'm job seeking though. i dun mind more freelance weddings though so.. erm.. keep em recommendations comin yea?

hokay lah... time to go out and start my day. have a grreeeaat day peeps!!

random updates and stuff

2007-09-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

i love live music. i love listening to the bassist grooving along with the drummer. i love looking at the drummer and wondering in awe how he keeps to his beats and coordinate all four limps giving the music it's backbone. I love looking at the guitarist and how nimble his fingers are running up and down the strings, how fast they move and how accurate they are at getting the right string, right strumming at the right time. i love watching the keyboardist handle two keyboards, and have to know the equipment inside out to know what effects can enhance the music. of course, i love to listen to the lead singer sing coz.. ultimately, i'm still the sucker for guys who can sing... so... yah.. nuff said.

i was at hard rock last nite and they play Bohemian Rapsody!! can u just imagine how crazy i went?

went to Tanjong Pagar rd this afternoon to accompany a friend look for wedding gowns. here's some tips when you're spoilt for choice.

Methinks one of the best way to decide which place to go to, is how u click with the person working there. Like, if you walk into this particular shop and specify what you like.. eg.. full body lace, simple, for outdoor wedding, and the first piece they show u is NOT lace, NOT simple and NOT suitable for outdoor shit, i think u can just walk out. obviously the person isn't paying attention. and if you have to repeat ur instructions more than 3 times... u can walk out too. coz it means the person just doesn't get u or doesn't get what you're looking for.

another thing is... how they treat your wedding planner (ahem) or sister or whoever's there with you is very important too. sometimes i dun understand how they can ignore the person accompanying the bride-to-be. not smart coz... u dun gain rapport, the accompaning friend ain't gonna encourage you to get that gown. i mean, if you're smart, chatting up with the friend will encourage more walking around, more browsing which in turn leads to more.. choices and bingo! the bride might fall in love with just one of those pieces.

so dun ignore the bff.

hokay.. that's wedding gown shopping -101 tips from diana tan ah bu.

yeap.. hokay.. i'm super tired from the lack of sleep from taipei and back in sg so i'm gonna crash.. and it's wedding work work tomorrow!!

simple joys are when...

2007-09-10T01:16:00.000+08:00

... you silently enjoy each other's company
... you share a favourite song being played by the band
... you wake up smiling at the same person every morning
... you are able to grab a beer/drink and just catch up
... you know you did something that made someone else's day
... you dream endless dreams together
... you dun have to say a word and you are understood
... you give a hug and it says more than anything u need to say
... you accomplish something and it's worth all the pain and effort
... you make a decision and feel at peace within
... you can smile and tell yourself that today was a good day even though u are dead tired
... you talk till the wee hours of the morning and just can't bear to hang up
... you know someone still loves you for all the shit you've done

*huge contented smiley sigh*

so anyways, this weekend has been ultra tiring but i'm feeling super highly achieved so that's good. the pole-aholics had a 2-day performance in conjunction with the SHAPE run and i effectively spent all my off days at rehearsals. my right armpit is burnt by pole grazing... ahem.. just, try to imagine.. and i'm bruised at my ribcage and shoulder. can't quite shake anyone's hands without feeling a strain on my right arm and my left calf hurts like crazy. but guess what... i LURVE it!!

the performance went well and biggie thanks to adrian and val for showing their support. haha.. damn shy lah..

i've been tasked to go LA to source for suitable costumes. i'm so excited for my next flight! *winks*

and thanks to joanna, i might get a new wedding client for next jan. seems like they want the kind of wedding that i lurve to do, ie, no boring hotel shit, so that's good. all i need is for them to agree and i can start work!

been thinking alot about what i wanna do. guess the good thing is that i can actually be very flexible and still do what i wanna do. it's not a matter of a blocked wall but more like a road junction. too many things i'd love to do that i can do and it's a matter of choosing one, first (being the operative word).

ah well, i know the choice will be plain and simple in due time. i just gotta seek the right thing(s) first.

a nite in brisbane

2007-09-04T20:38:00.000+08:00

i finally found it.

meanwhile, my tummy's giving me shit problems (pun intended) again.

argh...

and i'm freaking out for this weekend's performance. and... my .. i dunno... future job. i dun like growing up and having to make decisions.

there're just too many 'what ifs' out there...

yoyogi with my bffs!

2007-08-31T02:46:00.000+08:00

i'm still stuck on wicked. Oh, and i cut my hair today! another new look for yet, erm... another chapter of my tring-to-detox-and-smoke-less-and-party-less-and-trusting-in-theBigguyupthere phase. i'm happy, contented, wistful, calm, resigned and subdued. maybe i dun do things out of impulse anymore (most probably because i'm not drunk, anymore) so yea... informed decisions are always a good thing. and NOT simply taking the leap is what i need to stay sane for now. i know i'm on the right track, i just need to work on staying on track.

had a little dinner with my girlies today... to kinda celebrate post gracia's bday. elissa recommended us to this jappy restaurant and while waiting for bday girl, we caught up (mostly, me updating lah) and it's always nice to just catch up with each other. sometimes, we come to this point in life and stage of our friendship where meeting up isn't all that important anymore. what matters isn't the number of times u hang out with each other, or how long ur conversations are, or who plans what and where and all that stuff. yes, it takes an effort and we SHOULD make an effort to keep up with each other. but i guess.. it's nice to know sometimes that certain things are just... simply... that.

really catching up on one another never happens when we hang as a huge group. yes of course, we get updated here and there. but i'm talking, REAL catching up. certain things dun have to be spelt out, explanations shouldn't have to be made when you're at a level of comfort and understanding that surpasses all that. u KNOW, that you are loved. and you KNOW that people care in the simpliest ways... i guess that's what friendship... sisterhood... is all about. sometimes, u. just. know.

anywayz, we had fun while trying to finish the codfish and unagi. yumss.. the food was excellent, but nothing beats the company. i love these babes... and even though i'm hardly around, i'd always be wishing i was in sg as soon as i get a "let's-go-somewhere-tonight" msg from anyone in the gang.

i love today. i'm a little pms-sy but everything turned out okay.

so i'm hoping things will be okay... whatever will be.. will be...

in His time...

wicked witch in london

2007-08-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

so i'm sitting here at adrian's place waiting for ivan to get back from his double shift. the older folks are downstairs having beers and whatever and i'm sitting up here, alone. sheesh..

went to watch the musical 'wicked' with a coupla colleagues last nite and it was fantabulously amazing. so in love with the musical, i bought their cd, program booklet and a necklace. and the total damage including the tix... grand total of $92 pounds... yes... sgd$276!!!!! everybody say...holy fuckkking shit!! yah i know, i'm so vulgar sometimes... it's so unbecoming of a gal! yah but it's $276... wad u expect??

my shit. heh.

anywayz, the musical was so amazing, i kinda wanna share a little here. so...

hair stand or not.. my hair stands everytime i listen to this.. phew!

hokay. the second video's lyrics is very meaningful. sound quality not the best.. but.. aiyah.. i'm in lurve lah... hehehe...

"who can say that i've been changed for the better
i do believe i've been changed for the better
but because i knew you, i have been changed for good"

another chapter

2007-08-24T14:57:00.000+08:00

going to london tonight after a very very long break from work. i'm actually looking forward to it. i guess work does take ur mind off things that sometimes just get too much to think about. so after physically having a break, it's time to give the mental and emotional a break..so yeap.. back to work!

i wish things were simpler. life is simple but we always like to stirr some shit up and make it more complicated. it's simple and beautiful if we were in a bubble of our own but unfortunately, there will always be something else in the picture. it's like movie plots and storylines... there will ALWAYS be a antagonist, a twist, a catch to everything.

have u ever missed someone even though the person is right beside you?

before and after

2007-08-21T06:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder who on earth was the old me, how far i've gone from being that me to this.. i dunno.. slightly more fucked up (slightly being understated, i know) me.

the old me...

... prolly didn't quite know anything about the world and what it did to you if handled wrongly.
... prolly was slightly happier because i didn't really know much outside church. protected.
... honestly, really tomboyish and i dunno how the hell i could ever land a job in sq.
... was really shy, especially when it came to boys. (i know, what irony).
... cared about what people thought about everything and anything. but that was pretty simple, i was lovable.
... loved. wholeheartedly.

the new me...

... smokes like a chimney (but hey, i'm trying to cut down over here).
... drinks like a fish. (sorry i still love drinking. at least i dun get drunk! much, anymore).
... couldn't quite be bothered with what people thought or how i'd hurt them.
... isn't as lovable anymore
... can't quite care much about loving.

i guess i'm in this transition state now where i'm really torn. not sure where i was and tired of what i have become. so... i'd love to love and fall in love all over again. i'd love to care and be lovable. i'd still love to drink though, heh.. at least i think i'll be a balanced me? i wun be too protected. (we all know that ship has sailed). i'd know how to handle the world better and i dunno, use it for greater good? i'm sure everything has a reason, a time and place for happening. just gotta have faith i guess and take that leap.

oh gees... sometimes i really hate talking like dat. it's almost preachy. sheesh.. see... the old and new me still trying to find the balance.

gonna take some time i guess.

oh, i got two days mc for my toe. hiakz!!!!!!!

time to work work

2007-08-20T12:21:00.001+08:00

hokay! this is officially the last day of my looong break from work. a well deserved break i must say coz honestly i've really been keeping busy with flights and pole.

taipei had been really fun, we had to battle the weather everyday coz it was either raining cats and dogs or so scorching hot that i dun feel like stepping out. i should post pictures but it's in my digicam so when i get everything uploaded then yeap, so.. hang on.

tioman has been refreshing and i missed the entire getting ready for a dive, setting everything up, jumping into the water and escape into a whole new world. a bigger, more poisonous, dangerous but more beautiful world. afterall, 70% of earth is made up of water so u can imagine the vastness of just being underwater. oh i love that feeling.

unfortunately for me, i kinda buanged my toe against the metal bar of the taxi driver's seat just before my trip and bruised it badly. erm... this one i can attach pics coz i think it's quite an achievement. anyway, because of my bruised toe, i decided to skip my last dive coz it was getting too painful to fin and flap away with the silly toe. guess what i miss?!~ everything that i've never seen before and wanted to see!!!! silly billy cuttlefish and octopus lor!~ fuck man. arghhhh... and at the end of it, when i got the guys to gimme their autographs for rememberance, yeap, i got a whole bunch of.. well... better luck next time.. blah blah.. PTUI!~

so here's my toe...

tadahhh!!! i know.. gross..

so... i dun really wanna go back to work, but reality is such.. so.. sigh... maybe i can get an mc for my poor toe? i dun wanna start work!!!!! *bleah*

happy national day...?

2007-08-09T16:32:00.000+08:00

i didn't really remember it's national day until i was making my silly billy manicure appt for today and realised my mum was not working as well. and i was like.. how come so free?? oh.. national day holiday, remember?? oh yah.. bleah.. whatever.

been feeling kinda under the weather lately. and feeling highly unattractive. maybe my happy endorphines are not...erm... being activated. HAHA. but that's not the point. exercising should give me sufficient endorphines too, no? ah whatever... i look like a man with my manly arms. haha.. shiiiiiitttt!~

finally managed to give away my silly bangkok flight so i have a longer stretch of horrrriday. and this time, i'm staying put in asia and heading to taipei and tioman. super last min decision and a highly stressful decision making process it was, but it's finally settled and I'M GOING. everything seems so rushed though. argh!~

aiyah... sometimes, it's really not as easy even though it's been a long while coz there's just so much more underneath it all. letting go, getting used to, and really feeling okay. these are pretty fine lines and grey areas, aren't they?

ah well... methinks i'm just feeling like that coz of my flu. argh.. hate to be sick since i dun lose weight in the process like most people do so there's really no point in falling sick, is there??

ahhh.. maybe it's pms... but how can?? aiyah.. i'm so whiny today. fuck man. can't wait to get over and done with tonight's flight and get my long deserved break! *phew* staying sober isn't all that great coz now u really have to confront ur fears head on. ha...

2007-08-06T07:52:00.000+08:00

i'm sick... booo.... haven't ben sick like this in a long time and it kinda reminds me how shit it feels... to be sick.. with nobody to sayang, *sobz*

new favourite song... erm... can somebody be sweet and nice enough to enlighten me on how the fuck i can add a music bed to this blog??

anywayz this is the best version so far. the original one i heard is with the piano. damn emo can? but i like..

9 Crimes Lyrics

hokay... time to sleep. my head is gonna split into two.

goodnite... *yawnz*

hungry in amsterdam

2007-08-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

i am so hungry and my fingers hurt like crazy even as i type this entry. 3rd and 4th finger got jammed in the door when my friend tried to close the toilet door in the hotel room. u should have heard me scream. hahaha... most unglam actually and now i'm reduced to typing with just my left hand and my right index and thumb, argh...how to work tomorrow???

oh and i can hit the enter key with by pinkie.. but that's about the function of my right hand, sigh...

anywayz, it was really nice to once again be able to check into the hotel room at 8.30am, grab ice and start chilling wines and champagne while waiting for people to start dropping in one by one for a 'quick' drink which lasted from 9am to erm,,, 5pm. and for the first time, a colleague and myself made it to the heineken brewery with all the alcohol and lack of sleep in tow. but we almost died when we got back to our rooms. the only bummer was that i was too tired to go out thereafter.. and it was afterall a fri in amsterdam... so.. shits.

telephone bills are damn expensive overseas huh... sigh sigh,, i dun even wanna look at the upcoming bill. sigh sigh...

the pole team's having a little restructuring... and we're looking for (preferably) a place to rent and put up the poles. maybe some private lessons here and there but mainly performance based. i'm quite excited actually. i might be on my way to getting my very own pole to mount!!!

i'll be going to the bol's (think lychee martini) factory (or some tour thing) later. this trip seems pretty alcohol based if you think about it. ahh... i honestly missed it. kinda like a little detoxing past coupla weeks and i'm on the rebound/cold turkey/whatumacallit.

so... i'll post pics of heineken and bols when i get to doing it, the dive trip's confirmed and it's not too expensive so that's good. save money for my wakeboarding sessions and my pole lah ah...:P

i'm coming home soon my dear friends... back to haunt u all.... muahahaha... without my fingers though, they still hurt. (methinks the lack of food is kinda driving me insame) so yah... bye!

being sober

2007-07-28T11:37:00.000+08:00

geez.... guess what... i got called up for a silly billy nagoya flight again. and this will be my 3rd time in nagoya, 3rd time being called up. why can't they call me up for fukoka or something more exotic?? like... ahem.. athens?? or whatever. but nagoya, again!~?!?~ sigh... silly billy woman called me at 5.45am and told me to get ready for a 4day osaka flight, returning via bangkok. then she said, if the other gal can't make it, she'll call me and i'll report straight to the aircraft. yeap.. then she was like.. okie.. lemme double check the dates.. and guess what? she was looking at JUNE!!! WTF!! wake me up at 6am, stress me out, tell me i'm doing a not-so-bad flight, then tell me you're lookin at june!?~ deserves a slap with my sandals man. argh... so i went back to sleep, half relieved coz.. yay, dun need to rush.. but on the other hand.. i still didn't know what the rest of my day was gonna be.. until now.. sigh... nagoya... nagoya... i scared lah!!!

anywayz, went wakeboarding again yesterday and it was GREAT! as usual... me and my classic moment(s). yesterday, i tried to do a backslide. meaning i'd be facing 180degrees away from the boat. managed to do it... for a coupla secs.. then longer.. then ahem, i started to lean too forward but because i was still holding onto the handle, i literally did a slow motion splat into the water, face down. aiyah.. it's hard to explain but yea... val and boon were laughing their heads off as usual. ptui!! in anycase, by the end of the session, i managed to do a full 360degree turn!!! yay!!!!! i fell right after i held grabbed the handle again.. but well, next week. i'll be pro! yes.. u bet!!

had a bet with val and binbin... haha.. 40days 40nights. lets see.. i'll be getting my free wakeboarding session and victoria secrets stuff for pole!! i can do it!!!!

maybe it's because i've been sober for the last god knows how long. yea, my off days were spent reaching home at 12am or 1am. i feel a little like cinderella now. but... it's all good. stay outta trouble, save a bit of money, be a gooood gal. cleaning up a bit i guess so i'm actually, kinda chirpy most days! cept.. sigh.. when i think about all the hypotheticals, the what ifs, the buts, the process of it all.

but i'll be fine. i know it's a little escapist but yeah, i'll be fine... i'm used to it. *brushes it off* i hate to feel like i'm losing control of a situation. makes me feel weak and i hate to feel weak. thinking of possiblities and impossibilities, hypotheticals and reality makes me feel argh.. so yeap.

i know it sucks to be in a situation where we can't take control coz we're all afraid of bearing the consequences. and because of that, we go on and on, deliberating, deciding, the backing out then deliberate again but we know ultimately, the final decision was more or less the initial decision we've set out to make or that we've already known all along. taking that big step into the unknown is scary but hey, if we don't do it, we'll never know. i love this phrase that meg ryan said in "you've got mail" when she was talking to her (then) boyfriend and they both realised that as much as they were perfect for each other, they didn't love each other. he asked her is there someone and her reply was "no, just the dream of someone" and thereafter... we all know her nemesis, tom hanks, turns out to be the dream someone. okay.. this may sound too idealistic but... we can take bold steps for that dream. take a deep breathe and ask ourselves whether we love life enough to give it a chance. if it all falls flat, the worst that could happen is that you try ur darnest to pick yourself up, dust it off, and carry on. we're all fighters. we're all made to fight and survive. we have each other's fuck ups (mainly mine) to make references to so... heh... we're all not alone.

anywayz, now to happier stuff. dive trip to tioman and a serbana wakeboarding trip on national day. i'm hoping it all goes through!! *crosses fingers* and i'll be having a 2day pole workshop in between. yay!!!

and just a little something something to brighten up this post and more importantly brighten up your day. here's bon jovi's next 100 years. i just lurve him!!

ps: when watching the video, do erm.. ignore the tribute to amada part (it's actually quite romantic but yah.. think of it as a tribute to whoever's listening) i prefer to use this coz then i won't have to stick the entire lyrics into the blog. cheong hei mah... okie okie... i love you jon!!!

families

2007-07-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

i'm meetin the gang for some simpsons tomorrow nite! yay!!! while i'm super duper excited about it, it kinda reminds me that i STILL HAVEN'T CAUGHT TRANSFORMERS!! dammit.

trip to london was nice, as usual and i've kinda promoted myself from "i'm visiting a friend's mum/family/whatever else" to "i'm visiting my god-mother". haha!! it's so much simplier! i'm visiting my godmother who's in essex, godaunt in harwich and yes... godfather who drives freaking 2 over hours from essex to central london to harwich just so i dun need to do all the travelling myself (and of course, minimises the part of me getting lost). so yah... i love them to bits! and i have two brothers, affectionately known to them as the sister they never wanted. so it's all good.

i didn't spend a single cent cept for the duck rice lunch i had with ivan. luckily i had him to accompany me back to london. it wasn't that difficult really, i don't think i can get lost in london but in anycase, it was just nice. and a little nervewrecking too actually coz i needed to be back at the hotel at 11am for a silly briefing. i got back at 10.45am and was rushing like a mad woman.

on an sidenote, auntie melissa was sooo funny. just before we left for london, while we were having our morning oxygen dose, i was ready coz i didn't wanna miss the train. ivan was waltzing up and down packing for his big day (ying's return from motherland) so yeap... excited he was... cautious auntie was. she said, "ivan!! if you need to buy condoms, you can go tescos to buy coz they have it... buy one get one free!!!' if i was drinking anything, i would've done a merlion. but yeap.. i couldn't stop laughing. auntie is just waaaay cool lah. she's by far the only mother that i can sit down, have a smoke and talk about the silly shit i've done without her doing the motherly thing but yet still showing some motherly love.

anywayz, ivan and i have discussed. if menthol really kills someone's vocal chords and i dun quite like lights, if i start moving to lights, it will be a matter of time before i just dun quite like smoking altogether. rite? haaaaaaa..... small planning lah, dunno will work or not. oh and ya, we went condom shopping and i told him to get the ultrathin + more lubricant. best of both worlds, methinks... but i won't know abt such things now, would i?? *chuckles*

i'm on leave from 16 to 20aug and i have no freaking plans! should i go for a dive trip? shopping and sightseeing trip? or just chill, wakeboard and dance my week away?? wat should i do.. wat should i do??

faceplant

2007-07-21T00:57:00.001+08:00

i went wakeboarding this evening and it was highly refreshing.

it's always like that, i realise. when you've been doing something so much, so often and working so hard for it that u get burnt out and just get stagnant after a while. and then the more you push it, the more pressure u place in it, the harder the fall coz you just can't seem to get it right anymore. hence taking a break is always good. and refreshing. and enlightening. applies to quite alot of things actually huh...

i haven't seen punggol marina since i kinda broke my back almost 4 months ago. it's a pretty long hiatus but methinks i did much better today than any other day when i was wakeboarding almost every other week. something about the fact that there's no pressure to perform or prove to myself. i just wanted to have a good time and to let myself go in the winds and waves. and that i did. and actually learnt something new.

yes i did a coupla faceplants but nothing i haven't done before. methinks i've had worst.. so.. this is nothing.

so yes, it's always good to take a step back once in a while, to evaluate, to reformat, to refresh before carryin on again.

that's why rest is very very important. *yawnz*