pent up

half a year just sped past like that. i can't quite judge if it's been a good half year or not. perhaps it has been, but we've been too busy to even notice and count the blessings. 

had a nice mini girlie time with gracia the other day and we were talking about how far we've come. how we've stood by each other, been there and not have to say anything. not even physically, but just mentally, knowing whatever you choose to do, there's always only support and some nudging here and there. 

then we thought about how we'd call each other in the wee hours, to cry, to scream.. to whine.. and i thought about how i use to need a drink every single night. wondering if that was how the rest of my life was gonna be. and looking at myself now, without needing to drink or feeling lost and depressed all the time, it's kinda refreshing, isn't it?

sometimes i wonder if the job i'm doing now is what i wanna do for long? i mean... people always ask if i'm happy with my job. and i always reply..well.. yea, could be better, still lots to learn, but yea... could i be happier? will i be happier if i was doing wedding planning full time?do i wanna rise up to be the next pr guru of the industry, socialite and all? if i wasn't doing what i'm doing, what else will i be doing? 

is there something, somewhere i can work at and not feel fake? 

i love events, but i'm feeling tired. i know, feeling tired at 27 is sad.. i should be living it up, enjoying my job, my life, my dogs, my man, my life! but at 27, i still feel like i'm struggling to survive and working just for basic survival needs. who decides what's basic for survival anyways?

never really liked to imagine myself living in sg for the rest of my life. i'd always imagine working in a restaurant, waitressing, doing something frivolous to earn the dough, yet life-fulfilling, experiencing other places, sights, smells and sounds. 

there's only one way to survive in sg, but the opportunities are endless overseas. things will be different, and i love different. different is not wrong... who dictates right or wrong anyways?

sometimes when i think big, i get the.. do you have enough money? how u gonna pay for this, for that, yadayada... but hey, people are happy in different ways no? and sometimes, when i am open about how happy i am, it's a huge taboo.. coz we have to behave ourselves, be all adult and be sensitive to how others feel. 

restricted. i feel restricted. i wanna scream, dance, drink, live, spend, save, shop, give, take, bitch, laugh, cry, hug, hold, kiss whenever i want, wherever i want. 

real world vs my world

reality vs dreams

need to vs want to

practical or passion

yaayyy to the upcoming holidays! sigh.. it's back to the real world..