nobody should have to try so hard

i've always been the type of person who cares alot of what my friends think about the person i'm with. any slightest hint of awkwardness or displeasure and the man goes packing. i love my friends like that, they were the gauge of who i should be with and it's been like this for so long, it's expected of the guys to just fit. 

so what happens when i do fall in love in someone who's not really "in"? sure, i know they love me enough to want me to be happy and as long as i'm happy, they're happy too. and because the man loves me enough to know what makes me happy, he too will always try his utmost best to just be there. even though nobody really says or talks much to him. 

but it hurts. it hurts to know no matter how hard one tries or not try, if people are already judgemental, they just are. nothing changes it. it hurts coz i realise how i'm drifting from all that i thought was what my life was about or who's opinion was important. it hurts to see eyes roll behind someone's back, or sniggering and the silent but deafeningly disapproving looks one gives another. 

and it really doesn't matter to me anymore what others think. i know why i love and i choose to love him, good and bad, flaws and all. i do appreciate those who take time to get to know him as him and not just as my boyfriend, misunderstood but undoubtedly blur as cock as he is. even though i know he might read this someday, i want you to know i'm sticking by you whatever whoever says. 

i love my friends, they are the ones who've stuck by me through shit and fire.

i love my man, he has given me a life i've always wanted to have. 

and if they don't see eye to eye, they don't have to. i don't wanna force it. nobody should.