me time always gets me thinking...

suddenly i'm back on this blogging frenzy, think it's the whole what-on-earth-am-i-doing-with-my-life question popping up over and over again.

i read my older blogs and see where life's journey has taken me, i read my not-so-old blogs and find myself repeating over and over again that i'm happy, just wishing life was more than just work, money and keeping up. i read my recent blogs and realise, i'm beginning to be someone i never wanted to be. ie, self absorbed, bitchy, impatient and unkind.

*shudders*

i look back on days when i was able to listen, feel, and give sound advice. that was me... happy to be the one people turn to when shit hits the fan. that was me even before i started to fly. when i truly loved my job, my life and the people around me.

how i wish to have that all back. to be in love with my job, my life, and the people around me.

i want to be a true friend that people can turn to again and talk to me about themselves and not a friend that's just there for the sake of being there. i wanna talk about things that matter on a personal level, and not frivolous things that fade away with time.

i never had a great interest for anything else other than people and the connection i have with them but in this day and age, everyone's just busy chasing "dreams". i, unfortunately, have become one of them.

wasn't my greatest happiness in life to know that i've made a difference in someone's life? i sure am now, by making people's lives miserable. i detest myself for that but i've unwittingly let myself morph into a person who's judgemental and argumentative. i snap at the slightest mistakes and the next minute, i have to be all smiley and PRish just to get the job done. wasn't i all about patience???

i cringe at how fake i've become.

what i wanna be, doesn't require money to be achieved. all it requires is a little more love, a little more time, a little more patience and a whole lot of understanding who i am, my place in this world and i can start making that little difference.

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time
'Cause When You Close Your Heart
You Can't Close Your . . .Your Mind!

- MJ says it best...

na na na na na na na.....