being sober

geez.... guess what... i got called up for a silly billy nagoya flight again. and this will be my 3rd time in nagoya, 3rd time being called up. why can't they call me up for fukoka or something more exotic?? like... ahem.. athens?? or whatever. but nagoya, again!~?!?~ sigh... silly billy woman called me at 5.45am and told me to get ready for a 4day osaka flight, returning via bangkok. then she said, if the other gal can't make it, she'll call me and i'll report straight to the aircraft. yeap.. then she was like.. okie.. lemme double check the dates.. and guess what? she was looking at JUNE!!! WTF!! wake me up at 6am, stress me out, tell me i'm doing a not-so-bad flight, then tell me you're lookin at june!?~ deserves a slap with my sandals man. argh... so i went back to sleep, half relieved coz.. yay, dun need to rush.. but on the other hand.. i still didn't know what the rest of my day was gonna be.. until now.. sigh... nagoya... nagoya... i scared lah!!!

anywayz, went wakeboarding again yesterday and it was GREAT! as usual... me and my classic moment(s). yesterday, i tried to do a backslide. meaning i'd be facing 180degrees away from the boat. managed to do it... for a coupla secs.. then longer.. then ahem, i started to lean too forward but because i was still holding onto the handle, i literally did a slow motion splat into the water, face down. aiyah.. it's hard to explain but yea... val and boon were laughing their heads off as usual. ptui!! in anycase, by the end of the session, i managed to do a full 360degree turn!!! yay!!!!! i fell right after i held grabbed the handle again.. but well, next week. i'll be pro! yes.. u bet!!

had a bet with val and binbin... haha.. 40days 40nights. lets see.. i'll be getting my free wakeboarding session and victoria secrets stuff for pole!! i can do it!!!!

maybe it's because i've been sober for the last god knows how long. yea, my off days were spent reaching home at 12am or 1am. i feel a little like cinderella now. but... it's all good. stay outta trouble, save a bit of money, be a gooood gal. cleaning up a bit i guess so i'm actually, kinda chirpy most days! cept.. sigh.. when i think about all the hypotheticals, the what ifs, the buts, the process of it all.

but i'll be fine. i know it's a little escapist but yeah, i'll be fine... i'm used to it. *brushes it off* i hate to feel like i'm losing control of a situation. makes me feel weak and i hate to feel weak. thinking of possiblities and impossibilities, hypotheticals and reality makes me feel argh.. so yeap.

i know it sucks to be in a situation where we can't take control coz we're all afraid of bearing the consequences. and because of that, we go on and on, deliberating, deciding, the backing out then deliberate again but we know ultimately, the final decision was more or less the initial decision we've set out to make or that we've already known all along. taking that big step into the unknown is scary but hey, if we don't do it, we'll never know. i love this phrase that meg ryan said in "you've got mail" when she was talking to her (then) boyfriend and they both realised that as much as they were perfect for each other, they didn't love each other. he asked her is there someone and her reply was "no, just the dream of someone" and thereafter... we all know her nemesis, tom hanks, turns out to be the dream someone. okay.. this may sound too idealistic but... we can take bold steps for that dream. take a deep breathe and ask ourselves whether we love life enough to give it a chance. if it all falls flat, the worst that could happen is that you try ur darnest to pick yourself up, dust it off, and carry on. we're all fighters. we're all made to fight and survive. we have each other's fuck ups (mainly mine) to make references to so... heh... we're all not alone.

anywayz, now to happier stuff. dive trip to tioman and a serbana wakeboarding trip on national day. i'm hoping it all goes through!! *crosses fingers* and i'll be having a 2day pole workshop in between. yay!!!

and just a little something something to brighten up this post and more importantly brighten up your day. here's bon jovi's next 100 years. i just lurve him!!

ps: when watching the video, do erm.. ignore the tribute to amada part (it's actually quite romantic but yah.. think of it as a tribute to whoever's listening) i prefer to use this coz then i won't have to stick the entire lyrics into the blog. cheong hei mah... okie okie... i love you jon!!!