fallen from grace

it's almost the end of my off days and i kinda feel like i haven't quite rested. prolly coz of the fact that i raced to holland v to meet adrian right after touching down, then spending the day looking for a bindi to go with my sari, before heading to the family chalet, bbqed, majonged before joe and pris arrived, goofed around with my cousins (we played charades) before heading home at 4am, testing out my sari and heading for the freaking wedding the following day at 9am(?!). Anywayz, here's how the entire sari thingy turned out.





nice nice??

and then it was another day of chalet.. before i finally went home at slept for more than 12 hours.

met up with an old friend last nite and something about meeting up with old friends, they actually remind you of your dreams and who you once were. according to him, given the benefit of time seperation, my change was... pretty significant. and he offered to voice coach me, which meant i have to give up smoking. as he puts it, either continue smoking and make myself hate music and singing, or save what i can still save, do something i still love to do and will never stop doing, and give up the bad habit. kinda like alot of things we go through these days huh... whether we wanna do what we want and pursue passion or stick to a habit just because it's been stuck with us and we're so use to it.

to put it simply, it's always either one or the other. we can't have our cake and eat it, and it's almost like the 'x & y' games we're been playing recently. it's always just a choice away.

still i dun doubt it's a difficult choice coz, back to what i was talking about, giving up something so embedded into you.. it's almost like telling me, "di, stop everything you're doing and go back to church." yeap.. that would most definately ROCK THE BOAT AND MY WORLD. and i dunno if i'm ready to give everything all up.

maybe i'll be happier? maybe i'll finally be free from pain? maybe i'm not beyond repair? but i dunno and am not quite ready to find that out coz it's scary. yes, i'm scared coz i still believe in what i use to believe in.

back to the much much smaller picture, all i wanna do is to heal my voice. small steps.. baby steps... breathe di.. breathe..

oh and not that it matters to anyone, but my fucking (er..opps) period is back.. after 5 days!?~!? wtf!~? i need a doc. ptui!