granddaddys and grandmummys

past coupla days have seen my aunties come in and out of my house in a bid to spend more time with and to take care of my grandfather. yes, the last of my grandparents, my mum's dad.

16 years ago when my grandmother (my mum's mum) died, i was only 9 and having a ball of a time holidaying at my auntie's place with my cousin. the phonecall came, we were told to pack up and head to toa payoh (where i lived) because she died. i remember being totally confused and stunned but i didn't dare ask any questions. just... "oh oh.. por por died? er... okay". what do u actually know to say when you're freaking 9 rite? plus we were expectin a happy birthday celebration for my sis who was turning 1 on that very same day.

about 7 years ago when my grandmama (my dad's mum) died, i was woken up by my mum rather rudely. banging on my door, she told me she's taking her to the hospital. i jumped out of bed and asked what's wrong? "short of breath" and with that, my mum and dad whisked her away to the hospital and i was to wake my sister up and explain things while waiting for the dreaded phonecall. which came about an hour later and by then, i was ready to grab my sister and make a dash for the hospital. i remembered not knowing what to do and all i could think of was calling the closest i had with me at that time. i called annnah and louis. and as i left for the hospital, i called annnah again and she came to the hospital with me. to see me through looking at my grandmama for the last time. it's amazing how u dun have to say anything, just a hug and i cried like crazy.

2 years after my grandmama passed on, i came out of radio class and got a coupla missed call from my mum and an sms to call her back immediately. i kinda knew what was wrong and was bracing myself for it. there, in the middle of the mcm office right outside heatwave studio, with everyone's lessons just ending and everyone was just hanging around, i walked a little away and heard my mum confirm my worst fears. ever since my grandmama passed on, never had there been a day my grandpapa didn't ask for her (or me). and even when i was there, he couldn't see or recognise me to know i'm me. all he asked was "where's mama? where's diana?" louis hugged me as i bawled my eyes out and skipped the rest of the days' lessons.

i remember running to por por's place (6th floor) everytime i had a mini fight with mama upstair (9th floor). or when i badly needed to use the toilet and there was someone already using it, i'll run to por por's place. then mama would have to come down and drag me upstairs. i remember the days watching smurf, carebears and sesame street and singing and dancing for her to watch and always waiting for her to say how well i sing and dance. that was my hideout, a place i could go to and just be spoilt.

i remember going to hongkong with mama to visit her sister coz she was afraid her sister might pass on. i dragged my cousin along for company and the 3 of us took off. ironic isn't it, that instead of her sister, she went off first. eating with my leg on the chair (think trishaw puller), loving chawamushi, learning and loving everything cantonese, in some ways, she molded me to become who i am now. methinks i got her height too coz looking at my mum and dad, erm... i shouldn't be this tall.

i remember my grandpapa always scolding me for singing at the dinner table and to put my legs down. i remember dragging him out, onto the mrt and giving my mum the shock of her life when i showed up at her office during lunch with him in tow. going to the coffeeshops where he'd drink his kopi and pour some in the saucer so i get to drink some too. then i remember carrying him to his room when he fell down, only to realise he broke his hip bone and had to be hospitalised.

now here i am, the grandparent that i have never quite been so close to living with me. the father my mum fears up till today, only because he is fiercely independent and quite vain. hainanese lah. he's staying with us for a bit coz we have space and because he's got to be on some portable oxygen system. diagnosed with lung cancer, he's too old to do anything about it and so we wait. i never quite had so much time especially since most of my grandparents died suddenly. and now, the opportunity stands right in front of me. to make up for the times i should've stay a little longer but didn't, the times i could have sat down for a meal with them but didn't, times when i could've given them a hug but i didn't and the next time i saw them, it was to say goodbye.

i've never been close to him but hey, it's never too late to start and maybe someday, i can say i remember him as someone more than just a grandparent.