before and after

sometimes i wonder who on earth was the old me, how far i've gone from being that me to this.. i dunno.. slightly more fucked up (slightly being understated, i know) me.

the old me...

... prolly didn't quite know anything about the world and what it did to you if handled wrongly.
... prolly was slightly happier because i didn't really know much outside church. protected.
... honestly, really tomboyish and i dunno how the hell i could ever land a job in sq.
... was really shy, especially when it came to boys. (i know, what irony).
... cared about what people thought about everything and anything. but that was pretty simple, i was lovable.
... loved. wholeheartedly.

the new me...

... smokes like a chimney (but hey, i'm trying to cut down over here).
... drinks like a fish. (sorry i still love drinking. at least i dun get drunk! much, anymore).
... couldn't quite be bothered with what people thought or how i'd hurt them.
... isn't as lovable anymore
... can't quite care much about loving.

i guess i'm in this transition state now where i'm really torn. not sure where i was and tired of what i have become. so... i'd love to love and fall in love all over again. i'd love to care and be lovable. i'd still love to drink though, heh.. at least i think i'll be a balanced me? i wun be too protected. (we all know that ship has sailed). i'd know how to handle the world better and i dunno, use it for greater good? i'm sure everything has a reason, a time and place for happening. just gotta have faith i guess and take that leap.

oh gees... sometimes i really hate talking like dat. it's almost preachy. sheesh.. see... the old and new me still trying to find the balance.

gonna take some time i guess.

oh, i got two days mc for my toe. hiakz!!!!!!!