Fucking around, fucking up, fucking off...
Dear Blory...
Spent quite a nice little weekend over in Melbourne with Vina and I must say... it was truly enjoyable, besides the fact that I almost got knocked down by a reversing truck. Well.. i think the driver didn't see that i was walking past behind or something and it reversed~~ bumped into my arm abit...I was like.. ooohhh... THAT was dangerous...
Anyway, back to Melbourne and Vina. We spent a nice dinner at Chinatown before heading to this Arts Fest place near the Yarra river (i think). Wanted to watch a play but unfortunately it was fully booked. But it was okay.. headed over to the bar beside for a drink.. then I think i was too tired so we went back to get some rest. The next morning was a yummy breakfast at this coffee place along St Kildas beach. Heard so much abt it, seen so many pics of it... finally, i'm there myself.. hehe. The waters weren't very pretty.. i mean.. it looked more like there was an oilspill or something. But other than that, it was just nice to walk along the beach and feeling the breeze.. Went on down to Chapel street for a little bit of shopping before heading back to the city for dinner. That was the basic itinerary.
We talked alot. We talked about how we're trying to get on with life, how we felt about our relationships and how we felt about relationships in general. I was beginning to realise that Vina and I are going through very much the same cycle. Sleepless nights, drinking to sleep, certain days u feel like everything will work out fine.. other days it's like.. oh man.. i think I should die. We sounded almost like man-haters but then again, concluded that we're too horny to be man-haters for life. Hooo welll.. The entire experience was kinda surreal in a way. Nothing exciting but very enlightening and I liked it.
Came to realise that maybe the problem with me and him was that we never really had these sort of serious conversations. Everything was pretty much rosy (or he wanted it to be) for me. All those baby talk probably took it's toll on us, and maybe that's why he went for a much older person. Maybe if we had grown up a little more quickly and moved on from honeymoon to real life, things might have been different. But anyway, there's no chance to see how that will work out now so... move on, I will. But I probably also wun be thinking or feeling so much right now if things haven't happened the way they did, so I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I should be thanking him now huh...? hmm..
I'm not saying I'm over him already or anything and I dun think I ever will be. I'm just tired of hoping and wishing and having any expectations of anyone just to be disappointed again. Nothing lasts forever and no matter how great the guy is or how much they say they love you, one day.. they will disappoint. Again, I'm still no man-hater but I just feel that instead of having great hopes and expectations, maybe it's better to think small and think of the worst. Then if it really happens, the disappointment wun be too great. I'm not saying be paranoid or anything but just to maintain balance with the hopes and expectations. So little moments are the best coz memories last forever. Good memories.. i mean. Bad ones are just lessons that life is teaching us.
Gosh, I think I'm feeling too much. But I know I'm not the only one. Apparently, while Vina and i were in melbourne concluding that our group of friends are all pretty much melodramatic in their own way, I hear from aly that that's what he and Nicky were talking about too. Guess this is what quarterlife crisis means. We're old enough to still be able to stomach whatever we're going through right now but not jaded enough to be numb to it. Old enough to keep wanting to make sense and young enough to still be confused. Shit.. we're only 22!~ There's so much more out there that we haven't conquered!
So yes.. I guess we're still in that stage where it's pretty much still okay to fuck around (not literally), fuck up and fuck off.
Spent quite a nice little weekend over in Melbourne with Vina and I must say... it was truly enjoyable, besides the fact that I almost got knocked down by a reversing truck. Well.. i think the driver didn't see that i was walking past behind or something and it reversed~~ bumped into my arm abit...I was like.. ooohhh... THAT was dangerous...
Anyway, back to Melbourne and Vina. We spent a nice dinner at Chinatown before heading to this Arts Fest place near the Yarra river (i think). Wanted to watch a play but unfortunately it was fully booked. But it was okay.. headed over to the bar beside for a drink.. then I think i was too tired so we went back to get some rest. The next morning was a yummy breakfast at this coffee place along St Kildas beach. Heard so much abt it, seen so many pics of it... finally, i'm there myself.. hehe. The waters weren't very pretty.. i mean.. it looked more like there was an oilspill or something. But other than that, it was just nice to walk along the beach and feeling the breeze.. Went on down to Chapel street for a little bit of shopping before heading back to the city for dinner. That was the basic itinerary.
We talked alot. We talked about how we're trying to get on with life, how we felt about our relationships and how we felt about relationships in general. I was beginning to realise that Vina and I are going through very much the same cycle. Sleepless nights, drinking to sleep, certain days u feel like everything will work out fine.. other days it's like.. oh man.. i think I should die. We sounded almost like man-haters but then again, concluded that we're too horny to be man-haters for life. Hooo welll.. The entire experience was kinda surreal in a way. Nothing exciting but very enlightening and I liked it.
Came to realise that maybe the problem with me and him was that we never really had these sort of serious conversations. Everything was pretty much rosy (or he wanted it to be) for me. All those baby talk probably took it's toll on us, and maybe that's why he went for a much older person. Maybe if we had grown up a little more quickly and moved on from honeymoon to real life, things might have been different. But anyway, there's no chance to see how that will work out now so... move on, I will. But I probably also wun be thinking or feeling so much right now if things haven't happened the way they did, so I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I should be thanking him now huh...? hmm..
I'm not saying I'm over him already or anything and I dun think I ever will be. I'm just tired of hoping and wishing and having any expectations of anyone just to be disappointed again. Nothing lasts forever and no matter how great the guy is or how much they say they love you, one day.. they will disappoint. Again, I'm still no man-hater but I just feel that instead of having great hopes and expectations, maybe it's better to think small and think of the worst. Then if it really happens, the disappointment wun be too great. I'm not saying be paranoid or anything but just to maintain balance with the hopes and expectations. So little moments are the best coz memories last forever. Good memories.. i mean. Bad ones are just lessons that life is teaching us.
Gosh, I think I'm feeling too much. But I know I'm not the only one. Apparently, while Vina and i were in melbourne concluding that our group of friends are all pretty much melodramatic in their own way, I hear from aly that that's what he and Nicky were talking about too. Guess this is what quarterlife crisis means. We're old enough to still be able to stomach whatever we're going through right now but not jaded enough to be numb to it. Old enough to keep wanting to make sense and young enough to still be confused. Shit.. we're only 22!~ There's so much more out there that we haven't conquered!
So yes.. I guess we're still in that stage where it's pretty much still okay to fuck around (not literally), fuck up and fuck off.
posted by ah_bu @ 1:53 AM
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