somebody save me
Feeling a lil like i'm hanging on an invisible line, a lil like air. Something seems there.. yet it actually isn't... I dun really know how to place it, or put a name to it.
Sometimes I just wonder, why I even bother anymore. Why bother to change, why bother to care about how the other person feels. Feels just like a one-sided thing that I've created for myself, despite knowing how much simpler things could be if I just didn't care.
And why I care so much, I really don't know. Is it because people say that we're meant to be together? How would I know if we were MEANT to be together? And let's say I do know, then?? Am I taking on the mentality that, since I already know who I wanna spend the rest of my life with, why not spend a couple more years making more 'frens' before finally settling down the one who I already knew I'd settle down with? What if I don't wanna do that anymore, what if I really just wanna settle down and be happy with the one I'm with? But if I already have a ONE in mind, how will I ever be happy settling for someone else? But how would I know if I never try? If I never let myself fall, always taking him into consideration. How am I ever gonna be loved the way I should.
On a sidenote though, I realise how we wanna be loved and how we actually are loved often differ alot. Upon being hurt, we yearn for a nice guy, but really, the ones who actually do get you off... aren't exactly the nicest of guys, are they?
Back to my previous thought. Sooo.. let's say, he prolly feels the same way about me as well. And let's say we both are just too stubborn and too caught up in our lives to say we want to settle down. Hence we both protect ourselves by going out with other people as soon as we hear the other meeting a 'friend'. Is it gonna work like that from now?
In all honesty, I'm like dat because I know who I want to be with. And because I know, I care. And because I care, I get hurt. And because I get hurt, I'm scared. And when I get scared, I try to run. And when I try to run, I drink. And when I drink, I lose myself. And when I lose myself, I make mistakes. Maybe it works both ways, coz when I make mistakes, he gets hurt. Then he gets scared. Then he tries to run... blah blah blah...
I dunno if I'm making sense. Why issit so hard to let go?
Sometimes I just wonder, why I even bother anymore. Why bother to change, why bother to care about how the other person feels. Feels just like a one-sided thing that I've created for myself, despite knowing how much simpler things could be if I just didn't care.
And why I care so much, I really don't know. Is it because people say that we're meant to be together? How would I know if we were MEANT to be together? And let's say I do know, then?? Am I taking on the mentality that, since I already know who I wanna spend the rest of my life with, why not spend a couple more years making more 'frens' before finally settling down the one who I already knew I'd settle down with? What if I don't wanna do that anymore, what if I really just wanna settle down and be happy with the one I'm with? But if I already have a ONE in mind, how will I ever be happy settling for someone else? But how would I know if I never try? If I never let myself fall, always taking him into consideration. How am I ever gonna be loved the way I should.
On a sidenote though, I realise how we wanna be loved and how we actually are loved often differ alot. Upon being hurt, we yearn for a nice guy, but really, the ones who actually do get you off... aren't exactly the nicest of guys, are they?
Back to my previous thought. Sooo.. let's say, he prolly feels the same way about me as well. And let's say we both are just too stubborn and too caught up in our lives to say we want to settle down. Hence we both protect ourselves by going out with other people as soon as we hear the other meeting a 'friend'. Is it gonna work like that from now?
In all honesty, I'm like dat because I know who I want to be with. And because I know, I care. And because I care, I get hurt. And because I get hurt, I'm scared. And when I get scared, I try to run. And when I try to run, I drink. And when I drink, I lose myself. And when I lose myself, I make mistakes. Maybe it works both ways, coz when I make mistakes, he gets hurt. Then he gets scared. Then he tries to run... blah blah blah...
I dunno if I'm making sense. Why issit so hard to let go?
posted by ah_bu @ 9:13 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:30 AM ,
missy g said...
HUGS girl..
my 2cents worth here:
Perhaps it's not u..perhaps it's the 'one' that is making u feel this way. Have u ever considered that perhaps the fault was never you but the 'one'. and whatevr you are doing is a consequence of what happened between you and the 'one'? but more so, I believe in controlling your own life and realising what your life is all about is crucial in making things good or bad. I believe u know what u want in your life, perhaps the past has made it more unclear and now you're confuse but ultimately, if you think it through hard enough, you actually know what you want and what to do. Happiness must be earned and given when deserved. Cheer up girl! HUGS!
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