dilemma

hmmm... i thought i found the dream job, and in fact, i think i did. just that.. god.. this whole taiwanese work and business culture thing is getting to me.

it's so fucking irritating that when i try to do things my way, the fucker says something.. when i listen and do things his way.. the fucker HAS to find something else to say. the only time he accepts what i do is when he stands behind and dictates what he wants me to send out.

it's not like i'm not doing it right.. i'm just not doing it HIS way. i have my reasons for doing things my way and he has his reasons for doing it his way... but instead of listening to why i do it my way, he immediately assumes the worst, and that i didn't think.

so do i wait and listen to him to tell me what to do?
do i try to be independent and prove to him i can do it?
how am i gonna find the space to learn when everytime i spread my wings, it gets clipped?

the worst thing is... he actually nice sometimes.. that pisses me off.. i can't bring myself to hate him totally.. and i sometimes find myself speaking up for why he says what he says.. fuck!

sleep deprived

suddenly i'm spending all of 10 days alone at home with the girls... the house feels really empty and the silence creeps up on me especially when the girls are sleepy. here's what happens when u spend so much time with someone it becomes part of you. the funny thing is, this is prolly the kinda feeling i've dreamed of having, just not actually having. so.. it's kinda.. unreal.

anyways, updates after a loooong month... work's been busy... working at least 14 hours a day has become a norm and that doesn't include actual event days on sats. the break to london almost didn't seem like a break and apparently, my facial expression changed as soon as i got back to taipei. lost my smile and took on a frown immediately. work work work.. the fucked up part is... i can't even look forward to a weekend drink coz... there's just no time.

of course drinking at home helps me wind down a little, but... a little girly laughter, gossip and bitching helps too! i'm almost girlfriendless here.

speaking of the trip to uk.. it was honestly a welcome break. i needed it, peter needed me to take it coz i was almost breaking down. meeting auntie melissa and bren brought a certain kinda warmth i dearly missed. oh, of course the welcome 'signboard' from adrian and val made me feel right at home. pics... will be up as soon as i quit my job.

too much to say... just that the trip, i loved, ireland is beautiful, weather was perfect, company couldn't have been better... so.. ya..

so anywayz, back to reality, i hereby confirm that i prefer conversing and typing in english.

i just miss home lah...