Last blog of the yr

Dear Blory...

I'm currently waiting for my nails to dry... as usual...

This has gotta be the lonliest new yr coz I'm spending it onboard. *SIGH* Oh well... okay, not exactly lonliest coz I've got a planeful of people to countdown with me, and I guess my crew will be celebrating it as well so all is not lost. Just hope that they'll be a little bit more happening then they usually are... haaaa.. they are pretty tame unlike the gang..

Speaking of which, they should all now be heading over to louis's darkroom for a nice cosy drink-till-we're-smashed new yr party. How fun... my first new yr without them in the last 5 yrs.... I bet there's gonna be alot more to come...for now, i already know the cny will be spent in Sydney. *Sobs*

Hokay.. heading for a quick dinner before embarking to Dubai and Istanbul.

See u all in 2005!~~~~

Best way to end 2004

Dear Blory,

Of course, the best way to end the year is with a huge splash! The scariest thing was when it dawned on me, while saying my "goodbyes" and "see you agains" to passenger, that... okay... big splash hit phuket badly rite? and... jean-luc is spending christmas there with his daughter. *horrors* I sure hope he's okay... Sheesh... Thank god there's only 2 more days before 2004 finally comes to a close. It is by far the MOST happening year. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Everything happened this year.

Okay, so the guys have finally, one by one, slowly but surely ORDed, got their pink I/Cs back and are moving on to greener pastures. The girls, well, still stuck in their respective jobs (for the working ones) and those who just came back from Aussieland, time to get a new job, or just take a breather before starting afresh in 2005.

2005 is gonna be exciting. I can taste it already...

For example, Aly and char are gonna go honeymooning in Syd (I'll fly down as often I promise), Louis is starting his new darkroom cum cafe cum gallery that's gonna be one of its kind... hard work but I believe the payoff is self -satisfaction. Nicky's getting kickass job at a kickass company with a kickass pay... and me... me...

I will...
...officially graduate from Bachelor of Arts in Mass Comm in March
...finish my 6 months probation in march,
...finish my p-plate probation for driving
... go get my diving license...

All the above within the first 3 months! I'm well excited.

I'm gonna make sure I stick to my resolutions.

For now.. i keep my fingers cross and hope he's safe...

Post-christmas

Dear Blory,

Christmas 2004 was a celebrated in a quiet but nonetheless wholesome way. I like it. No more mad drinking with everyone puking by the side of the road or gettingn squashed by sweaty people rubbing their butts and all against you. Nope, this yr's christmas is a mark of our maturity. Haha... sadly put, we're old!!~~

But anyway, dinner at Char's place was nice. We had tooooo much freaking food that char had to, in her sweetest most matter-of-factly voice, ask aly to "bring the food down for the kids".. like.. awww... teeheehee... I met up with some of my church friends and did a little catch up. Well, wanted to stay longer or at least for the worship part but they started late and potluck was starting soon, so I had to leave before anything started. Sheesh... at least they saw my face. It's the thought that counts. ;P

Nothing much... went home christmas afternoon to help out at home coz my mum invited her cell group people plus I was on standby so damn sian. Didn't help much coz i didn't know where to start and she didn't know where i should start so I ended up, bumming... ON FREAKING CHRISTMAS!~~ sighhh....

I guess the best part of the night was the little driving spree with Jacob. Haha.. he was kind enough to let me drive. So finally, my driving range is NOT limited to stupid carparks. I did the ECP, went to East Coast, Changi Beach, ermmm... oh, did 100km/hr... erm.. oh, and considering the fact that I sorta drank wine and champagne before driving... i drank and drove!~ Woohooo....

Thank god christmas day ended excitingly.

I'm so tired from today's quickie... ho well.. happy boxing day... =)

Reformat, Reboot, or Restart?

Dear Blory,

Is it okay for me to think of getting a new computer while my old one's still being reformatted? I mean, it's reformating, but not fully operational, so I am entitled to look around no? Sighh... but if I'm making the effort to reformat it, shouldn't I be a little more patient and see how it goes after it's done?

What am I talking about man...

Okay, thing is, say... if I'm irritated by some saleman who's trying to sell me a new set, I can always say I'm reformatting my computer.. or like I already have one so he'll bugger off... But what if.. just what IF someday, I really kinda am interested in the new computer that's in front of me? And I dun ming trying to use a new comp? Then? I can't really say I dun have a computer rite? But neither can I say I do coz it's not fully operational?

HAHAHA... I'm confusing even myself...

The old comp has sentimental value. Start up speed's a little slow but I'm fully comfortable with it though sometimes I wished it'll work a little differently. Less trouble and all... but all in all, I'm good, I'm cool, I'm happy with it.

A new one will definately be different. I'll have to start all over and getting use to it. But then maybe I'll be able to programme it in such a way that it really listens to me and I'll have an even better time using it?

Ho wellll... until I see a good computer come along, maybe I'll just try not to think so much and wait for the old comp to finish it's reformation. Who knows, maybe after a little upgrade or two, it'll be perfect?

Ahhh..... Merry christmas!~

The only way to go.. is up!

Dear Blory...

Past coupla days came and went in a flash. The gang finally got to chill properly with proper seats and at least 6 jugs of beer (some had to stand quite a bit coz of the new tables unfortunately) Well, u know who u are, and thank you for the sacrifice. :)

Anywayz, we also finally decided to have our annual christmas dinner at char's place so that's settled. Now, just have to crack to get a unisex pressie for the gift exchange... *ponders*

Seems like everyone's doing pretty okay. I mean, busy with work, busy with new business, busy with settling school and busy looking for jobs... Hopefully everyone's happy, or coping okay. I do know a couple of them who are going through depressing times. And especially when christmas's round the corner, it sucks to feel shitty but who can help it, it's not like that shit feeling's a choice we can make or do anything about. Which, i guess makes it even more shitty... *sigh*

I'm doing pretty okay these days... so far... so good... Hopefully better, but i wun ask for much coz better to be surprised than be let down. And since 2004 has been so super ultra unbearable shitty for almost everyone i know, I hope that 2005 will be better. Even slightly better would be good enough coz when you've touched the bottom of the pit, hopefully the only way u can go, is UP. So up up and away!! Wheee~!~

Hokay, now my nails are more or less dried... time to prepare for brisbane in... AhHH!~ 3.5hrs.. shit.. no wonder my pimples and eyebags are almost permanent... *SIGH*

I hate standing by..

Dear Blory,

Did i ever mention how i hate hate hate being on standby? If not, can I just say again, I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING ON STANDBY!~!~ The gang's making the trip to walas tonight after our unsuccessful trip the last time coz dearest walas was on renovation. But it looks pretty nice now, not sure how upstairs will look like but we'll see.

I hope stupid SIA dun call me up tonight and spoil my nite of drinking fun with them. I will soooo... i dunno.. ren(4) ming(4) or something.. sigh sigh sigh... *keeps fingers cross*

Hokay.. nuff whining.. am off to the gym! Stupid louis says i'm fat. Blardy helllllll.....:<

The window of opportunity

Dear Blory...

Finally went to sentosa this afternoon with Johan, Nicky and Normie. The sky looked pretty bleak initially and we were thinking, should we just head to town for a movie? haha.. but anywayz, we decided to give the beach a shot and the sun did us proud! Hehe.. for a short little while, that is.. actually, more like 3 hours. It was good while it lasted, like everything else. Then clouds came.. and it started drizziling.. and by the time we left, it was raining...

*Raindrops keep falling on my head - drip drip*

Anywayz, been a pretty comfy week, came back Monday, did the biblio for my essay then went to school to hand it up. Tuesday was more like.. haha.. grooming day.. hah, before meeting my secondary school friend and we went karaoke. Come to think of it, actually 3 people in karaoke also not too bad. Ha! Get to sing more!~ Then there's today.. and tomorrow, well, effectively in the next coupla hours, louis will be back from taiwan.

Watched a little of Ed this evening before meeting Shawn for dinner. They talked about the 'window of opportunity', how once it's close, u might never get to open it again. Well, I guess in someways, my window is kinda open now. I dunno how things will go. If all goes well, then good.. if not.. then it's okay. If there's one thing i'm fully convinced now, at least I know I can survive and stand on my own and be strong.

Quote to live by.. at least for me for the next... i dunno... opportunity that comes my way... "Don't put too much pressure on the future and just treasure the moment u have now coz that's what really matters. "

Back from Paris!~

Dear Blory..

I'm HOME!~~! Wheeee.... Paris is fucking C.O.L.D... Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.. I honestly almost thought i'd get frost bite and lose a toe or something. But nope, it was all good. Paris was good. It truly is a romantic city with ALOT of sights to see!~ Will post some pictures up in a coupla days... hhehe...

Anyway, went out with my buddy jasmine on the very first day after trying to take a nap. Nope.. i didn't get to sleep thanks to a coupla calls when i was JUST about to fall asleep. So i tossed and turned.. and tossed till i got my wake up call from dearest buddy. Dammit... no sleep. But i guess it was okay. The trip to Champ Eleesay took a day.. it's a stretch of road (think Orchard) with allllll sorts of boutiques. Did I mention that the things there are freaking EXPENSIVE?? If not, ya.. the things there are FREAKING EXPENSIVE. Argh.. didn't buy anything. =(

Hokay..We went back after Champ Eleesay but not before taking pictures at the Arc de Tromp. Basically these places are like must-see places so yah... touristy we are!~ hur hur hur.. Went back to the hotel and had a little break before I met Jean-luc. He rode a bike. Haaaa.... I guess it's suppose to be fun on the bike.. and it was. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT... It was tooo damn cold.. i was practically freezing. it's so not funny.. quite torturous it turned out. But dinner and all went on fine... lalala..

Next morning Jas and I headed to Notre Dame... after trying very hard to figure out how the train system and ticket purchasing system worked. Anywayz, finally got to Notre Dame.. took pics.. walked to the Lourve Museum.. took pics.. went to eiffel tower.. took more pics.. then headed back to rest before meeting Jean-luc and his friend, Micheal or Miguel.. can't really get the slang lah.. oppps.. anyways, we went to this other side of paris... hehe.. sex town!~~!!~!~ Also known as Piguelle... where we saw Moulin Rouge.. took pics too!~~

Okok.. enough of my trip. Seems like a good time, good day to start my diet-exercise-water plan. Here I come!~!~!

Here's a name for God's humour... it's called Irony

Dear Blory...

Juz had a little conversation with Nicky over msn. We both hate the essay... more like... we both dun understand whatever the guy's trying to say. Anyway, that's not the point of my blog. Am trying to destress a little coz I've got my essay to complete and I honestly wanna try my very very very best to finish it by tomorrow, at least before I head off for Paris.

'Its the final countdown!~'

Anywayz, back to our conversation and pondering a little on my conversation with Sel in the cabby on the way back. Well... the guys seem pretty okay with Jean-luc.. but.. like I was telling sel, I can't and probably wun do anything irrational when I'm in paris. As horny as I am (haha), how to, when half the time I was out with him, I was thinking of louis.

Sel says he thinks and really believes that Louis has learnt something. I'm pretty sure I personally have. Nicky says he, as in Nicky himself, has learnt, and so has vina. So we all take something back from all that we've experienced. Isn't that what life is suppose to be about? Told nicky, when we're done with whatever, we look back and tell God.. "sooo... that's what you've been trying to tell me, or teach me or show me! Now I know..." and we move on to the next lesson in life.

I still hold on to the fact that I believe that this whole episode is actually the best thing that has happened to me and louis. Yes. This is because it has forced us to grow... forced us to realise... woke me from my honeymoon... back to reality.. look at things from such a different perspective... yet i still love him as much...

Hmmmm... but can I ever bring myself to trust him again? Or even to believe that he's no longer confused? Or worst... maybe he's still thinking of her and confused about us at this very moment. Ahh.. yes yes i know.. I can hear voices behind me telling me to "stop thinking, stop imaginating and stop wishing, and hoping, and thinkin, and prayin.." (trust me to think of a song at this time) Sighhh....

In the meantime, I really do hope christmas will be good, coz it's the last christmas we all will be having together before the guys embark on their scholarly paths... I will miss them so much... Thank god the girls, nicky, louis and ivan are still ard (that's if nicky doesn't get a job in japan~).

To the gang, because I'm on stupid standby on freaking christmas day, shall we have a christmas bbq at Pasir ris? U know, just in case I get called up, at least I've got sufficient time to head home while u guys carry on making merry?? Shall we shall we shall we?

Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need

-Def Leppard

Basketcase

Dear Blory...

"Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

Sometimes i give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
I'm just stoned"

Sigh.. almost every song reminds me of someone in some way or other. I am so freaking tired. Slept for abt an hour last nite before getting up to prettify myself for stupid bangkok quickie. Came back in the afternoon and started on my research. Sighh.. something tells me I might really have to bring a laptop to Paris to finish up my werk. Dammit....

Was reading some notes on Mass and popular culture. Here's some food for thought:

"... There is no real difference between material and cultural products, between the production of cars and the production of films. The standardised, formulais and repetitive products of mass culture are the results of the manufacture of cultural commodities by means of routine, specialised, fragmented, assembly-line forms of production. Art, for example cannot be produced in this way. The aesthetic complexity of true art, its creativity, its experiments, its intellectual challenges, cannot be realised by the techniques which produce mass culture. They rather depend on the complete opposite of mass production, the inspired genius of the individual artist working outside the constraints of the commercial market, and the tried and tested formulas and standard techniques of composition..."

Pardon the long blabbering.. but what it basically means is that we can either be a commercial sell-out, forsaking art and go into mass production, or we can embrace being different, being bold, and strive for "authenticity of its products".

Which path will you choose??

Alrighty! back to work!~ =/

Freaking out~

Dear Blory...

I'm officially freaking out. Have got an essay due on 13 Dec, not that I dun have time now but I'm really hoping to finish it before going to Paris if not I'll have to sacrifice a sight-seeing day for work! Nooooooo....~~ If I'm going to finish it before Paris, I'll effectively have today and wednesday and a tiny part of Thurs to work on it. Argh... freaking out coz I haven't even started on any research and I dun have any convenient librarys except Temasek Poly to start on. Not forgetting the fact that I'm clueless about the facilities there.

Waiting for a friend who's currently studying there to reply on whether he's free to help orientate me a little. Sighhhhh... why did they take away national library? It doesn't have the best of resources but at least I know where to start. Bleah...

When research is done, might pop by to the gym in the evening to work that beer belly off... not funny... Does anyone have any quick fix remedy for beer bellies? Besides not drinking, I'm already self censoring my intake. I'm freaking out abt that too. Better start my diet plans today!~

Hokay! Friend just replied!~ Off to Temasek Poly I go!~~ wheeeee... hope i can find something useful.. ladida.. =)

Random Bon jovi thoughts

Dear Blory,

Why do I love Bon Jovi so much? Especially when he did his earlier albums?

Coz he made me believe that you can hang on to each other and to love no matter what the hard times bring. (and of coz, because i love rock!)

"It’s a bitch, but life’s a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs will make you scream sometimes
It’s hard believing that the thrill is gone
But we got to go around again, so let’s hold on"

Happy days to come?

Dear Blory,

Argh.. dammit.. was suppose to wake up early today to do some household chores (bwahaha) before spending the day at the gym and ending it off with a long awaited nice time out with the gang at Walas. Unfortunately, when I got home last nite from Happy Daze, I freaking couldn't sleep. Not even with a sleeping pill... arghhh... by the time i actually fell asleep, was probably about 4ish or 5am... I think.

So much for gym and starting my day early... bleahhh...

Char and Aly look so blissfully happy back together again.. I'm so happy for them! I mean, after everything that's happened, we all deserve to be happy soon. Nicky too!~ Haa... he practically walks and talks all the way to tokyo everynite and he looks blissful too... ahhh.. the powers of being in love.. teeheehee... =) Gracia and sel might have a coupla issues to work out. But hopefully all will be good. This is the season of love and joy and whatever happy things one can think about so I seriously hope ALL will be good! What with the rest of the gals coming back from aussieland!~ Yayyy....

Half of the gang met Jean-luc when he came down on Tuesday. Kinda wierd, I felt but well, think it was probably a different experience for him. Hokay, after pondering and wondering since our first email, I finally found out that he's 40 (???!!) and has a 4 yr old daughter. Man... life is sooooo wierd!~ Might be meeting him again in Paris and he's suppose to bring me around in a bike or something. Hmmm... it almost sounds so romantic but I'm kinda worried... I dunno how I feel and I definately dun wanna lead him on or go too far without knowin what I want.. plus there's just too much baggage.

Aren't we abit too young to know what we want?

If I give my heart (again)... all I ask is that...

... he'll never ever take me for granted.
... he'll love me for who I am.
... he'll love me for what I wanna do, along with my dreams even though they may sound silly at times.
... he'll be careful with my heart.
... he'll not be confused.

That's all. I dun even need promises of forever coz... oh we all know what happens to promises.