Nobody owes you your own happiness

"Detachment" and "You are your worst enemy"

I've heard this word and phrase over and over again in the last two days I'm beginning to feel like there's a huge message that's trying very very hard to knock itself into my head. I'd like to focus more on the latter actually coz it kinda encompasses everything.

"You are your worst enemy"

I guess this phrase really sums up so many things about what we go through daily, be it family problems, work problems or relationship problems. Sometimes we feel like the whole world is crashing down. Maybe things ain't going fine at work and you blame yourself. Or even your colleagues who could really be the meanest of people. Sometimes you feel like you can't seem to move on or let go and just begin to wallow in self-pity, feeling all sorry for yourself, getting depressed.

Well, I'm not saying it's wrong to feel this way, I mean... I'm also guilty of the above but ultimately, I guess it's really a matter of choice. Like if you choose to let whatever your colleague do affect you, or if you choose to hang on to a little string of hope, or if you choose to let setbacks get in the way of fulfilling your dream.

You are really the only one who stands in the way of your own happiness. I am the only one who stands in the way of wanting or not wanting to let go. I'm the only one who stands in the way of finding my way back to God. I'm the only one allowing myself to feel, to love and to hate the way I do. I'm the only one standing in the way of allowing myself to be detached.

On another note, I know this sounds really strange but ever since a friend told me that Melissa actually reminded him alot of a particular really really close and dear friend of mine, I've realised that my hatred towards her kinda... lessened... Dun ask me why... I'm wierd. Sometimes I think I'm psycho coz my feelings can swing to extreme ends in a split second. Hah.. maybe if we met in a different, maybe more friendly encounter... we might have even been able to hit it off well! Haa.. that's what he said and I dun hold it against him if she really is as great a girl as the friend she reminds him of. Of course it still sucks though... urghhh...

Sigh... I hate to hate... and I hate to be trapped in my own hatred. I dun hate very often and I think being hateful just tires me out. I'm the only one standing in the way of allowing my hatred to cease.

Back to what Uncle David said before, "Nobody owes you your own happiness".

Sometimes it seems like the easiest thing to understand... yet the hardest thing to do...