sometimes u can't make it on your own...

so here I am, just got back from a nice little get-together at gracia and kai's place with elissa, normie, val and my darling. shit i'm so tired. silly bangkok turn this morning and this cny has been pretty crazy. in fact, since the time adrian got back, in fact, i think it's the entire month, it's been pretty crazy. crazy fun, crazy shit, crazy god-knows-what. i'm happy. i'm contented. i'm in bliss.

anywayz, been a while since i wrote something, because of the craziness that's been going on. but well... as i was telling pris, why can't our lives be as simple as our parents'? like.. i'm sure when they were at our age at that time, they were already married, prolly pushing a freaking pram around and cleaning baby poop up into the wee hours of the morning. but they were happy, weren't they? i'm sure they were also juggling parenthood with adulthood. afterall, they HAD to earn enough money to get a roof over their heads, food for their bellies and still provide for parents and blah blah blah... they had all these to juggle with and yet, life was fulfilling.

i see us, at this age, losing people we love, taking others for granted, learning who we are or what we want, fighting over who's right and wrong, we are in the midst of fighting for something that i can't quite put my finger to. is it really happiness? coz what exactly makes us happy, now? is it monetary comfort? what exactly defines what's comfortable anyway?

i just feel that sometimes, we lose the ability to see the real things around us. so what if i've learnt to protect myself from getting hurt? won't i then also lose the ability to feel the hurt others are going through? worst, won't i become the one that strikes first?

i wish life was simpler, especially for those around me who have gone through hell and back with me. i wish i could make it all go away.

i guess in a way, i'm happy where i am now. with all the shit going around, i'm pretty sure i'll be in similar shit if not for him. i'm actually sane and sober. i guess for me, life IS simply living it and sharing it.

on a lighter note, got a little something-something for our 1st month anniversary (yes, gosh, it's been a freakin month!!)

in case you're wondering, the meaning behind these 99 rocher roses is the the first time we met, yes, at the wedding, the first task i made the guys do was to eat the rocher and fold roses for the bride. and he was one of those who just stood around coz he didn't know how to fold one. ahaha!~

awww.. *blush*

random thought...

if you could go back in time to change something or re-live a moment, what would it be?

happy valentine's day!!

i know.. i've told people before too, that valentine's day is overrated and it's really pretty irritating walking around looking at everyone walk around in pairs, no less - more, maybe. anywayz, it's really quite something though to be on the receiving end of a romantic day planned just for you. knowing that someone special would go through all that trouble to make a day perfect, just for you. and it's all a surprise!!

touched down from shanghai feeling all tired and... just tired and there he was with a paperbag! hur hur.. thank god there was a paperbag or i'll be flaming red holding a bouquet of flowers in uniform in terminal 2. but it was a daydream turned reality, and as much as i always say dun need to come or dun need flowers, i'm still a gal lah.. still a sucker for romance, can?

went home to sleep (yes, he sent me home and left so i could rest), got up at 2.30pm and started getting his pressie ready. took me a grand total of 3 hours to finally finish searching for scrap materials, conceptualising, writing, colouring, drawing, more searching, wrapping and ribbon tying to finish the pressie. damn proud i was, damn happy he was.

dinner, zouk (friends' bday lah, gotta entertain, heh), hotel room full of mirrors (surprise surprise!!), more wine, pressie, the works lah.

valentines' day was a day of very pleasant surprises. it's not that bad lah.. in hindsight. the only thing that could have been better was the fact that we both didn't bring cameras. so no pics. arghhhhhhhhhhh

sunkissed!

a very very passionate kiss it must have been because i'm red and hot all over now.

just rushed back home from wakeboarding (without even showering) to help my sis with some stuff. apparently i'm not much of a help. kinda disappointed in how it all turned out coz i really really was trying to give some sort of solution. i just hope in some way behind that hot and hard headedness of hers, something did make sense. i fail as a biggie sista. =(

so here i am. anywayz, pole was grrreeaat!~ spent most of my time hanging upside down trying to do stunts so much that by the end of the session, my head has joined in with the aching process. haha.. a blood of rush to the head, as coldplay says.. but i lurrvee pain. this kinda physical muscle pain lah. makes you feel like you HAVE done something constructive with the muscles. hehee..

have decided that should i get married, i'll have it slightly in the middle of a year, (whatever year, whenever i do get proposed to, yeap, just in case ur eyes grew wider) coz with all the festivities in the beginning and end of the year, there must be more occasions in the middle to balance it out and give more reasons for romancing one another. rite???

cny's coming... i dunno why but i guess as we age, it doesn't really feel that exciting anymore? could be the obvious depletion in ang baos collected i guess. and the fact that as we get older, every year we meet the same relatives who say the same things like... "wah!! so big already!! so pretty/handsome!!"/ "so what are u doing now? how long do u intend to fly? (in my case)/ "got boyfriend/girlfriend or not?? when are you getting married??" bleah.. it's stressful being freakin mid-20s coz we really are not THAT young to be playing around but neither are we THAT old that we're considered expired yet.

oh well... *sings* i'm just sixteen going on seventeen... lalala...

hmmm...

welcome back adrian, ike and ying!~~

is it really true that people who are depressed generally write better?

like... a poet needs the pain, that kinda thing?

when people are generally happy, there really isn't much to blog about it seems. or maybe it's just me.

practice starts this evening!!~ yay!~~ and i'm a little anxious yet excited about my dive trip. aiyoh so many things happening this yr.

*grinz*

something from alias

I have come to realise that the only way I can keep myself from being hurt is to remain attached.

I watched Alias the night before coming back from Amsterdam. It was sidney and .. what's his name? Vaughn or something rite? So anyways, he divorces his wife because probably he realises that he can't get her (sidney) outta his mind. And after a mission, he tells sidney about it. And what she said kinda.. well... feels so close to heart.

She said that what scared her most is the fact that she feels sad for him, and yet at the same time, hopeful.

Hope can kill.

Anywayz, so obviously the wife isn't gonna let him leave her and came out with alot of shit stunt to get his sympathy and blah blah... and he fell for it. Called sidney at night. She picked up and asked if he was at one of their colleagues' place since he was technically divorcing his wife and told her that he could be sleeping on his colleagues' couch. But nah... he said.. no. And u know the familiar hyperventilation moment? Yep. I could see it coming. And she said well it looks like they weren't gonna have the coffee they were suppose to have. And he said no. And then... sigh... she just couldn't talk anymore and it was painful coz you could literally feel a physical pain.

Ah well... dunno if I'm making sense. But do you get my point? Ahaha!

but today I'm fine without you
runaway this time without you
and all the things you put me through
i'm holding on by letting go of you

- the all american rejects