A different CNY
Happy happy 2005! Hasn't started out well but I'm pretty sure it will all be good for each and everyone of us embarking on our new lives...
Aly and Char, hope all things goes well for you over there and I will definately try my very very best to change for more sydney flights. I will miss you guys soooo much. Especially after what we've all gone through these recent months. Phew... glad you've tide over your tsunami... there might be more to come, but hang in there and hang on to the strongest tree you can find. You know wat i mean... *HUGGGGGZZZZ*
I had a coupla pretty interesting cny dinners this yr. My reunion dinner was held in Sydney with 8 other colleagues. We went to Chinatown, which was bustling with life while the other shops ard are already closed and waiting for the next day like it was just another day. I admit I hardly look forward to the occasion but when it arrives, you kinda get soaked up in the moment and no matter how unhappy the new yr is or has been, you kinda just wanna wish everyone a happy new yr and mean it and genuinely hope that the new yr WILL be better... and happier.
Anyway, had dinner at adrian's place on the 2nd nite. This too was a little different coz louis brought mel. I hope he's happy... finally getting to bring her out with the gang without violent objections. Dunno why but when I heard that she was gonna be around, I kinda couldn't breathe for that moment. Maybe coz I wasn't really ready to look pain in the eye. Well, but I think I managed pretty okay... might seem like something really stupid but it did take alot to smile and offer wine while they were cosying up on the other sofa. Well, they seem really happy together... I can't help but wonder if he considered my feelings though... Like how I'd refuse to bring any guy friend out with the gang coz I'd think that might make him feel awkward. Anyway, I know now he probably doesn't really care about me, or how his friends feel. Just him and mel will be good enough... which probably should be the case coz if you love a person, that's all that matters.
Third night's dinner was at Aly's. I went straight from the airport after doing a Bangkok quickie. Flight was tiring, as usual, but dinner made up for it all. Louis came by with chicken while I was out smoking. Anyway, he didn't stay coz mel was waiting for him outside... At least I said hi again... Gals, I know you must be wondering why the hell do I bother. Like I said last nite... if this happened to anyone of you, I'd definately be the bitch... but it's like when you're in the situation, you kinda lose sense of all reality and reasoning. So hence, I really can't bring myself to be the bitch coz, well, maybe I love him too much to hurt him by not welcoming her.
Anyway, that's just me... and my stupidity... and need for pain...rite...
Moving on I will... like I said, i'm really excited about everything that's gonna happen and how I know my life will be different. Looking forward to every single bit of it and I am enjoying it. Maybe not entirely, but it definately helps keep my mind occupied that I guess that's all that I need. The only thing I hate it is the slow process it's taking... wish time will fly by and the pain will cease and the wound will heal faster. Fucking hate feeling like this, knowing that he has already happily moved on. But ya, I hope this will put me fast on my road to healing. And to answer a fren who asked if I were to say a prayer, what would it be? I'd say... Dear God, take this pain away and let time pass in a flash.
It's wierd having you around, it's wierd not having you around.
I love to see you happy, I hate to see you happy.
I can't live with you, I can't live without you.
"can you take it all away,
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me"
On a different note, daddy's gonna go for colon probe next tuesday. Hope they wun find anything serious. *crosses fingers* Sigh... should stop fucking my mind up and start doing things and spending time with people that matter.
Aly and Char, hope all things goes well for you over there and I will definately try my very very best to change for more sydney flights. I will miss you guys soooo much. Especially after what we've all gone through these recent months. Phew... glad you've tide over your tsunami... there might be more to come, but hang in there and hang on to the strongest tree you can find. You know wat i mean... *HUGGGGGZZZZ*
I had a coupla pretty interesting cny dinners this yr. My reunion dinner was held in Sydney with 8 other colleagues. We went to Chinatown, which was bustling with life while the other shops ard are already closed and waiting for the next day like it was just another day. I admit I hardly look forward to the occasion but when it arrives, you kinda get soaked up in the moment and no matter how unhappy the new yr is or has been, you kinda just wanna wish everyone a happy new yr and mean it and genuinely hope that the new yr WILL be better... and happier.
Anyway, had dinner at adrian's place on the 2nd nite. This too was a little different coz louis brought mel. I hope he's happy... finally getting to bring her out with the gang without violent objections. Dunno why but when I heard that she was gonna be around, I kinda couldn't breathe for that moment. Maybe coz I wasn't really ready to look pain in the eye. Well, but I think I managed pretty okay... might seem like something really stupid but it did take alot to smile and offer wine while they were cosying up on the other sofa. Well, they seem really happy together... I can't help but wonder if he considered my feelings though... Like how I'd refuse to bring any guy friend out with the gang coz I'd think that might make him feel awkward. Anyway, I know now he probably doesn't really care about me, or how his friends feel. Just him and mel will be good enough... which probably should be the case coz if you love a person, that's all that matters.
Third night's dinner was at Aly's. I went straight from the airport after doing a Bangkok quickie. Flight was tiring, as usual, but dinner made up for it all. Louis came by with chicken while I was out smoking. Anyway, he didn't stay coz mel was waiting for him outside... At least I said hi again... Gals, I know you must be wondering why the hell do I bother. Like I said last nite... if this happened to anyone of you, I'd definately be the bitch... but it's like when you're in the situation, you kinda lose sense of all reality and reasoning. So hence, I really can't bring myself to be the bitch coz, well, maybe I love him too much to hurt him by not welcoming her.
Anyway, that's just me... and my stupidity... and need for pain...rite...
Moving on I will... like I said, i'm really excited about everything that's gonna happen and how I know my life will be different. Looking forward to every single bit of it and I am enjoying it. Maybe not entirely, but it definately helps keep my mind occupied that I guess that's all that I need. The only thing I hate it is the slow process it's taking... wish time will fly by and the pain will cease and the wound will heal faster. Fucking hate feeling like this, knowing that he has already happily moved on. But ya, I hope this will put me fast on my road to healing. And to answer a fren who asked if I were to say a prayer, what would it be? I'd say... Dear God, take this pain away and let time pass in a flash.
It's wierd having you around, it's wierd not having you around.
I love to see you happy, I hate to see you happy.
I can't live with you, I can't live without you.
"can you take it all away,
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me"
On a different note, daddy's gonna go for colon probe next tuesday. Hope they wun find anything serious. *crosses fingers* Sigh... should stop fucking my mind up and start doing things and spending time with people that matter.
posted by ah_bu @ 5:03 PM
1 Comments:
At 7:28 PM ,
Anonymous said...
louis is an idiot who onli thinks of himself. it's always all abt him, him, him, and more him. he expects everyone to understand his plight when the one simple thing is that he doesn't give 2 fucks abt ur feeling. how ironic? look who's the selfish one here? nuff said, what goes around, comes around.
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