yoyogi with my bffs!

i'm still stuck on wicked. Oh, and i cut my hair today! another new look for yet, erm... another chapter of my tring-to-detox-and-smoke-less-and-party-less-and-trusting-in-theBigguyupthere phase. i'm happy, contented, wistful, calm, resigned and subdued. maybe i dun do things out of impulse anymore (most probably because i'm not drunk, anymore) so yea... informed decisions are always a good thing. and NOT simply taking the leap is what i need to stay sane for now. i know i'm on the right track, i just need to work on staying on track.

had a little dinner with my girlies today... to kinda celebrate post gracia's bday. elissa recommended us to this jappy restaurant and while waiting for bday girl, we caught up (mostly, me updating lah) and it's always nice to just catch up with each other. sometimes, we come to this point in life and stage of our friendship where meeting up isn't all that important anymore. what matters isn't the number of times u hang out with each other, or how long ur conversations are, or who plans what and where and all that stuff. yes, it takes an effort and we SHOULD make an effort to keep up with each other. but i guess.. it's nice to know sometimes that certain things are just... simply... that.

really catching up on one another never happens when we hang as a huge group. yes of course, we get updated here and there. but i'm talking, REAL catching up. certain things dun have to be spelt out, explanations shouldn't have to be made when you're at a level of comfort and understanding that surpasses all that. u KNOW, that you are loved. and you KNOW that people care in the simpliest ways... i guess that's what friendship... sisterhood... is all about. sometimes, u. just. know.

anywayz, we had fun while trying to finish the codfish and unagi. yumss.. the food was excellent, but nothing beats the company. i love these babes... and even though i'm hardly around, i'd always be wishing i was in sg as soon as i get a "let's-go-somewhere-tonight" msg from anyone in the gang.

i love today. i'm a little pms-sy but everything turned out okay.

so i'm hoping things will be okay... whatever will be.. will be...

in His time...

wicked witch in london

so i'm sitting here at adrian's place waiting for ivan to get back from his double shift. the older folks are downstairs having beers and whatever and i'm sitting up here, alone. sheesh..

went to watch the musical 'wicked' with a coupla colleagues last nite and it was fantabulously amazing. so in love with the musical, i bought their cd, program booklet and a necklace. and the total damage including the tix... grand total of $92 pounds... yes... sgd$276!!!!! everybody say...holy fuckkking shit!! yah i know, i'm so vulgar sometimes... it's so unbecoming of a gal! yah but it's $276... wad u expect??



my shit. heh.

anywayz, the musical was so amazing, i kinda wanna share a little here. so...



hair stand or not.. my hair stands everytime i listen to this.. phew!



hokay. the second video's lyrics is very meaningful. sound quality not the best.. but.. aiyah.. i'm in lurve lah... hehehe...

"who can say that i've been changed for the better
i do believe i've been changed for the better
but because i knew you, i have been changed for good"

another chapter

going to london tonight after a very very long break from work. i'm actually looking forward to it. i guess work does take ur mind off things that sometimes just get too much to think about. so after physically having a break, it's time to give the mental and emotional a break..so yeap.. back to work!

i wish things were simpler. life is simple but we always like to stirr some shit up and make it more complicated. it's simple and beautiful if we were in a bubble of our own but unfortunately, there will always be something else in the picture. it's like movie plots and storylines... there will ALWAYS be a antagonist, a twist, a catch to everything.

have u ever missed someone even though the person is right beside you?

before and after

sometimes i wonder who on earth was the old me, how far i've gone from being that me to this.. i dunno.. slightly more fucked up (slightly being understated, i know) me.

the old me...

... prolly didn't quite know anything about the world and what it did to you if handled wrongly.
... prolly was slightly happier because i didn't really know much outside church. protected.
... honestly, really tomboyish and i dunno how the hell i could ever land a job in sq.
... was really shy, especially when it came to boys. (i know, what irony).
... cared about what people thought about everything and anything. but that was pretty simple, i was lovable.
... loved. wholeheartedly.

the new me...

... smokes like a chimney (but hey, i'm trying to cut down over here).
... drinks like a fish. (sorry i still love drinking. at least i dun get drunk! much, anymore).
... couldn't quite be bothered with what people thought or how i'd hurt them.
... isn't as lovable anymore
... can't quite care much about loving.

i guess i'm in this transition state now where i'm really torn. not sure where i was and tired of what i have become. so... i'd love to love and fall in love all over again. i'd love to care and be lovable. i'd still love to drink though, heh.. at least i think i'll be a balanced me? i wun be too protected. (we all know that ship has sailed). i'd know how to handle the world better and i dunno, use it for greater good? i'm sure everything has a reason, a time and place for happening. just gotta have faith i guess and take that leap.

oh gees... sometimes i really hate talking like dat. it's almost preachy. sheesh.. see... the old and new me still trying to find the balance.

gonna take some time i guess.

oh, i got two days mc for my toe. hiakz!!!!!!!

time to work work

hokay! this is officially the last day of my looong break from work. a well deserved break i must say coz honestly i've really been keeping busy with flights and pole.

taipei had been really fun, we had to battle the weather everyday coz it was either raining cats and dogs or so scorching hot that i dun feel like stepping out. i should post pictures but it's in my digicam so when i get everything uploaded then yeap, so.. hang on.

tioman has been refreshing and i missed the entire getting ready for a dive, setting everything up, jumping into the water and escape into a whole new world. a bigger, more poisonous, dangerous but more beautiful world. afterall, 70% of earth is made up of water so u can imagine the vastness of just being underwater. oh i love that feeling.

unfortunately for me, i kinda buanged my toe against the metal bar of the taxi driver's seat just before my trip and bruised it badly. erm... this one i can attach pics coz i think it's quite an achievement. anyway, because of my bruised toe, i decided to skip my last dive coz it was getting too painful to fin and flap away with the silly toe. guess what i miss?!~ everything that i've never seen before and wanted to see!!!! silly billy cuttlefish and octopus lor!~ fuck man. arghhhh... and at the end of it, when i got the guys to gimme their autographs for rememberance, yeap, i got a whole bunch of.. well... better luck next time.. blah blah.. PTUI!~

so here's my toe...





tadahhh!!! i know.. gross..

so... i dun really wanna go back to work, but reality is such.. so.. sigh... maybe i can get an mc for my poor toe? i dun wanna start work!!!!! *bleah*

happy national day...?

i didn't really remember it's national day until i was making my silly billy manicure appt for today and realised my mum was not working as well. and i was like.. how come so free?? oh.. national day holiday, remember?? oh yah.. bleah.. whatever.

been feeling kinda under the weather lately. and feeling highly unattractive. maybe my happy endorphines are not...erm... being activated. HAHA. but that's not the point. exercising should give me sufficient endorphines too, no? ah whatever... i look like a man with my manly arms. haha.. shiiiiiitttt!~

finally managed to give away my silly bangkok flight so i have a longer stretch of horrrriday. and this time, i'm staying put in asia and heading to taipei and tioman. super last min decision and a highly stressful decision making process it was, but it's finally settled and I'M GOING. everything seems so rushed though. argh!~

aiyah... sometimes, it's really not as easy even though it's been a long while coz there's just so much more underneath it all. letting go, getting used to, and really feeling okay. these are pretty fine lines and grey areas, aren't they?

ah well... methinks i'm just feeling like that coz of my flu. argh.. hate to be sick since i dun lose weight in the process like most people do so there's really no point in falling sick, is there??

ahhh.. maybe it's pms... but how can?? aiyah.. i'm so whiny today. fuck man. can't wait to get over and done with tonight's flight and get my long deserved break! *phew* staying sober isn't all that great coz now u really have to confront ur fears head on. ha...

i'm sick... booo.... haven't ben sick like this in a long time and it kinda reminds me how shit it feels... to be sick.. with nobody to sayang, *sobz*

new favourite song... erm... can somebody be sweet and nice enough to enlighten me on how the fuck i can add a music bed to this blog??



anywayz this is the best version so far. the original one i heard is with the piano. damn emo can? but i like..


9 Crimes Lyrics

hokay... time to sleep. my head is gonna split into two.

goodnite... *yawnz*

hungry in amsterdam

i am so hungry and my fingers hurt like crazy even as i type this entry. 3rd and 4th finger got jammed in the door when my friend tried to close the toilet door in the hotel room. u should have heard me scream. hahaha... most unglam actually and now i'm reduced to typing with just my left hand and my right index and thumb, argh...how to work tomorrow???

oh and i can hit the enter key with by pinkie.. but that's about the function of my right hand, sigh...

anywayz, it was really nice to once again be able to check into the hotel room at 8.30am, grab ice and start chilling wines and champagne while waiting for people to start dropping in one by one for a 'quick' drink which lasted from 9am to erm,,, 5pm. and for the first time, a colleague and myself made it to the heineken brewery with all the alcohol and lack of sleep in tow. but we almost died when we got back to our rooms. the only bummer was that i was too tired to go out thereafter.. and it was afterall a fri in amsterdam... so.. shits.

telephone bills are damn expensive overseas huh... sigh sigh,, i dun even wanna look at the upcoming bill. sigh sigh...

the pole team's having a little restructuring... and we're looking for (preferably) a place to rent and put up the poles. maybe some private lessons here and there but mainly performance based. i'm quite excited actually. i might be on my way to getting my very own pole to mount!!!

i'll be going to the bol's (think lychee martini) factory (or some tour thing) later. this trip seems pretty alcohol based if you think about it. ahh... i honestly missed it. kinda like a little detoxing past coupla weeks and i'm on the rebound/cold turkey/whatumacallit.

so... i'll post pics of heineken and bols when i get to doing it, the dive trip's confirmed and it's not too expensive so that's good. save money for my wakeboarding sessions and my pole lah ah...:P

i'm coming home soon my dear friends... back to haunt u all.... muahahaha... without my fingers though, they still hurt. (methinks the lack of food is kinda driving me insame) so yah... bye!