nobody should have to try so hard

i've always been the type of person who cares alot of what my friends think about the person i'm with. any slightest hint of awkwardness or displeasure and the man goes packing. i love my friends like that, they were the gauge of who i should be with and it's been like this for so long, it's expected of the guys to just fit. 

so what happens when i do fall in love in someone who's not really "in"? sure, i know they love me enough to want me to be happy and as long as i'm happy, they're happy too. and because the man loves me enough to know what makes me happy, he too will always try his utmost best to just be there. even though nobody really says or talks much to him. 

but it hurts. it hurts to know no matter how hard one tries or not try, if people are already judgemental, they just are. nothing changes it. it hurts coz i realise how i'm drifting from all that i thought was what my life was about or who's opinion was important. it hurts to see eyes roll behind someone's back, or sniggering and the silent but deafeningly disapproving looks one gives another. 

and it really doesn't matter to me anymore what others think. i know why i love and i choose to love him, good and bad, flaws and all. i do appreciate those who take time to get to know him as him and not just as my boyfriend, misunderstood but undoubtedly blur as cock as he is. even though i know he might read this someday, i want you to know i'm sticking by you whatever whoever says. 

i love my friends, they are the ones who've stuck by me through shit and fire.

i love my man, he has given me a life i've always wanted to have. 

and if they don't see eye to eye, they don't have to. i don't wanna force it. nobody should. 

so...

been a month since i started work. 

time seems to fly by everyday, but why does it still feel so damn long before i get my next pay?

i'm glad i got a job that looks set to take me somewhere. 

now all i gotta do is to hang in long enough. 

everything's so far so good. cept for the money bit which i hope can change soon. 

not everything's perfect, not everyone's perfect, nobody's perfect. 

i'm glad i have small not-so-good days to remind me not to take things for granted. 

i'm glad i have him to remind me why i'm holding on to what i have.

i'm glad i have the gang to remind me to stay awake.

i'm glad i have my two darlings to remind me what responsibility is. 

blabber blabber blabber.. *yawnz*

because i say so

gootbyeeee 08! hallooooo 09! 

2008 seemed to have sped past pretty quickly especially as dec drew to a close. Starting work in Dec gave me a nice headstart to get to know my job, my colleagues, my routes, my schedules and see how i can fit alll the mumble jumble in, ie, should i go gym or get my ass to pole practices, etc. so far so good. 

new yr resolutions (although they hardly get done) is a good gauge and reflection of one's yr so... here goes:

1) me aims to go for my first standchart marathon. i don't really dig running but it's the process that matters rite? train train train!

2) get back on the stage for pole. once again, it gives me a reason and an aim to do and achieve something. so there... train train train!

3) save at least 2k by june. spending an entire lots of thousands on a whole new life experience was well worth it, but... having the ability to spend on necessary stuff without having to think about tomorrow's meal will be a much welcomed change. 

short but manageable and achieve list yea? 

2009 will be a great year just because i say so.