what makes me happy at the end of the day are...

my darlings who come running to me as soon as i step in (if they are out of their cages lah)

my darlings who come running to me and try to lick my face (as soon as they are out of their cages)

my darlings who curl up beside me on the little red sofa i call my throne

my darling brandy who takes her chew-toy and stands beside the sofa, waiting for me to play with her

my darling whiskey who snuggles on my lap and puts her face on my boobs 

my darling whiskey who sits at the other side of my sofa doing nothing but breathe, making the sofa vibrate every so gently

the smokes i share with my baby

the silly things my baby does to make me laugh

going to bed and making him sit beside me even though he's not sleepy and still has tons of work to do

*contented sigh* 

now all i need is to teleport somewhere else where it's not so hot, and... where i'm in lurve with my job.. 

life will be perfect... 

another weekend at home...

pardon the sudden constant thought about being sick of this place. methinks i was never meant to live here for too long... i get angsty and tired of everything. sigh... 

had a mini conversation yesterday with a captain. he was leaving for flight and i asked where he was going. i initiated conversation coz i just felt like... speaking the lingo again... and how often do singaporeans initiate conversations anyways.. so there i was, chatting with him about what flights he'll be doing next, ended of with him wishing me a good evening, and me wishing him a good flight. 

gawd i miss it! i mean, it's nothing big, just plain politeness and hardly anything fake about it. 

brings me back to.. singaporeans are just too absorbed to bother about things like that. i always tell friends who ask who are the most difficult passengers.. guess who's on the top of my list? how can service standards here be good when there is no show of appreciation for it anyways? like, why bother to be nice... nobody bothers...

so yes... i miss going and living overseas, i miss meeting people, i miss being friendly and the friendliness being reciprocated. 

maybe i should be in some other line... i'm not that big of a fashion/beauty/media person to begin with... maybe that's why i'm feeling so fake. 

ah well... i'm having an MJ saturday afternoon!! "i want you back!!!"

dedicated to the elf in my life

i've met many people in my life... the good, the bad, the great, the silly, the sweet yada.. you get my drift. you name it.. and yes, the bitches and all... i happen to think that my tolerance level is actually pretty high! that is, until recent years when i'm more grown up and trying to learn to say no and not get stepped all over but yes.. methinks my tolerance level is still pretty high.

it's not like i can't take someone talking fiercely to me... and all that blah. i can take nagging and whining anytime. yes, unfortunately for me, sometimes even bullying... but hey, high treshold remember??

but what i cannot absolutely cannot take is if someone is condesending and talks down to me. omg it just makes my blood boil.

i mean... i've come to realise that some people actually DO find pleasure in watching other suffer. some people DO find it funny to tread all over you, make you feel small, and then thread on you somemore. i think it's sad. they actually DO take joy in knowing that their existance actually irks someone so much that hey, somebody bothers to even be irked to begin with!!

fuck man, you are just a fucking person, short fart, who can't even type the words "thanks". how the hell did you even grow up? you mean nothing and you ARE nothing when u leave the company. you are NOTHING when you knock off work. YOU are nothing when you're dead.

YOU ARE NOTHING.

sigh.. gawd i wish i can say it into her face and add a shoe or a palm to it right after.

pent up

half a year just sped past like that. i can't quite judge if it's been a good half year or not. perhaps it has been, but we've been too busy to even notice and count the blessings. 

had a nice mini girlie time with gracia the other day and we were talking about how far we've come. how we've stood by each other, been there and not have to say anything. not even physically, but just mentally, knowing whatever you choose to do, there's always only support and some nudging here and there. 

then we thought about how we'd call each other in the wee hours, to cry, to scream.. to whine.. and i thought about how i use to need a drink every single night. wondering if that was how the rest of my life was gonna be. and looking at myself now, without needing to drink or feeling lost and depressed all the time, it's kinda refreshing, isn't it?

sometimes i wonder if the job i'm doing now is what i wanna do for long? i mean... people always ask if i'm happy with my job. and i always reply..well.. yea, could be better, still lots to learn, but yea... could i be happier? will i be happier if i was doing wedding planning full time?do i wanna rise up to be the next pr guru of the industry, socialite and all? if i wasn't doing what i'm doing, what else will i be doing? 

is there something, somewhere i can work at and not feel fake? 

i love events, but i'm feeling tired. i know, feeling tired at 27 is sad.. i should be living it up, enjoying my job, my life, my dogs, my man, my life! but at 27, i still feel like i'm struggling to survive and working just for basic survival needs. who decides what's basic for survival anyways?

never really liked to imagine myself living in sg for the rest of my life. i'd always imagine working in a restaurant, waitressing, doing something frivolous to earn the dough, yet life-fulfilling, experiencing other places, sights, smells and sounds. 

there's only one way to survive in sg, but the opportunities are endless overseas. things will be different, and i love different. different is not wrong... who dictates right or wrong anyways?

sometimes when i think big, i get the.. do you have enough money? how u gonna pay for this, for that, yadayada... but hey, people are happy in different ways no? and sometimes, when i am open about how happy i am, it's a huge taboo.. coz we have to behave ourselves, be all adult and be sensitive to how others feel. 

restricted. i feel restricted. i wanna scream, dance, drink, live, spend, save, shop, give, take, bitch, laugh, cry, hug, hold, kiss whenever i want, wherever i want. 

real world vs my world

reality vs dreams

need to vs want to

practical or passion

yaayyy to the upcoming holidays! sigh.. it's back to the real world..