wkend in a not-so-nutshell

Theresa is SO cute when she's high coz she blabbers on and on and on and on..... so vina and I have sworn never to get drunk if she's around just so we can have our share of entertainment! This was last nite when we were over at louis's new place, after dinner and a small cake at Ding Tai Fung with the chuas celebrating gracia's bday, and after a round of apple shooters and sex on the beach and lychee liquer 7-up and wine at velvet.

My weekend was a little warped. Dun quite know how to explain it but I'm just a lil more confused than I already am.

That said, I'm going off to dubai and istanbul tonight and will be back next week. Maybe a lil time off will be good for me to get my system together.

Time seems to be running out and I dun see any progression. More like regression to me actually. I think I'm losing it - losing steam, losing patience, losing passion. Not entirely sure if I want what I've always wanted anymore and I'm so scared, afraid of what I might do or not do.

Why issit that what we have in front of us, we dunno how to treasure? How about the irony of everyone being super ultra sweet but the love of your life is the one that makes it all the more complicated?

"Click" is one show I honestly think alot of people can relate to. I loved it and cried my eyes out, dun remember doing that in a long time. Hopefully I never make that mistake and if I've ever or will ever, it's never done on purpose... sometimes you just never see it coming and it was never meant to be that way.

Well anywayz, for my dear, if you're reading this, don't really know what happened and I know telling u to take it easy is the hardest thing you can do at this moment. Just hope that you can find comfort in ur friends who will be and are already there for you as you've been for me. Everything happens for a reason, okay? I love you babe and I will call u when I get back.

Till next week!! *MUAAAAKKKKZZZZ*

random

*Yawnz*

Didn't sleep a wink coz it's a freakin morning flight so I did my nails and pre-flt homework.
Set alarm clock to get outta bed at 3.30 to start prepping for flight.
3.30 came, got outta bed, went to bathe started to tie hair, put make-up, pack bag.
Set down in front of the comp from 4.30 coz I'm done!

Geez... my transport's scheduled to pick me up at 5.10am.

Maybe I should go down early for a.. hmmm...

*grinz*

No day but today

My short little holiday has come to an end, but the blotch in my eye is still red. Sheesh... I hope I don't scare anybody tomorrow. Sigh.. come to think of it, if I knew I was gonna get myself a freaking 4 day mc, I could've gone diving man! But then again, I might burst another vessel or two and that would be bad. Basically, it's something like a bruise, and there's nothing you can do to make it go away besides waiting for it to fade off by itself.

So here I am, waiting, whilst looking like a freak.

Back to work tomorrow after this unexpected 5 day break and I guess I'm pretty much recharged. And hopefully, starting work again means more money and less drinking.

I think all of us are guilty at one point or another of taking our love ones for granted. And most of us at one point or another are victims of people taking us for granted, or so we feel. But the silly thing is that it's all part of human nature, isn't it? I mean, the closer you are to someone, the more you abuse that closeness, be it our very best friends, our partners and more often than not, our family. We feel that, aiyah, since we're so close, I can be myself wat! There's always another day, another time and on and on... But being oneself also means being more selfish and not take the other person's feelings into consideration. Since we're so close, you gotta accept me for who I am, that kinda thing.

It always only happens when you know something is wrong or when we've lost that someone that we realise, hey, I should've been more understanding, more patient, more caring, more loving, but it's not everyday that we are able to right that wrong, make it up to the person or take back whatever that's been said and done.

I'm learning... not to take people's care and concern for granted. I'm learning... not to always flare up at people who are close to me just because I can raise my voice and there's nothing they can do about it. Coz I don't think I ever wanna be in that position where I suddenly realise that I've unknowingly pushed that person/people away. I'm learning... to be the me I was, the one that's more caring and showering affection unconditionally, unafraid of being hurt and disappointed again.

I just hope I dun get taken for granted as well, coz I'm not always around to meet up for coffee and I treasure the people around me. And I hope I dun get taken for granted because of the way I love... whoever, whatever, whenever, wherever.

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future, there is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today

- Rent

Cockadoo eyes

Hmm.. I dunno how it happened but I'm suddenly given a good 2 days of mc for the burst capillary I have in my right eye. I dunno how, when or why it happened, heck, I didn't even know it happened until I looked into the mirror and got a rude shock. Anywayz, two days of mc... means less moolah. Shhhiiitssss!

I purposely posted the not-so-scary ones for the faint-hearted. It looks like either I've got 2 irises in my right eye, or i'm a little cockeyed. Lucky I'm not working coz it's a night flight and I dun wanna scare the shit outta my passengers. We already look scary enough with the make-up.

And because the weather was so freakin nice when I got to brisbane and I had company, we decided to invite ourselves (actually, i invited myself) and joined the guys for their trip to Dreamworld Brisbane! Maybe the rides were too fast and furious that's why my capilaries bursted. Hur hur hur.... like eye-popping that kinda thing?

Hokay... Now I gotta design ways to keep my pockets filled since I didn't get to do tonight's flight. And after seeing the doc, I shopped and bought shoes and a dress... argh!! Damn u melvin!! Freakin stirrer!! Oh, and I just decided to get myself a 3G phone. Motorola V3X. Did I just mention I need to save money a while ago?? *hmmm*

more pic-sy pics!

Hallo hallo! I'm super ultra tired but once again, it's the wkend and I just can't bear to spend my wkend sleeping it away. So here I am, trying to keep myself entertained by yet another photo-log!! Yippie!!!

Photos not in sequence of events. Silly uploading dunno why cannot just listen to my instrustions. Blardy helllll...

Above pic: END of my trip where it's the end of the flag lowering parade. Okay. Backgrounder first, this flag lowering ceremony is held every single evening at the border of Indian and Pakistan. Oh, forgot to mention, this was taken in Amritsar. 40degrees... phew... lucky evening not as bad. The soldiers from both sides have this really interesting display of pride where to much with their legs super straight-up high and slam it on the ground in precision. They give each other a glare before slamming their feet to change directions and all too. Quite cute actually.

This set of pics were taken just before the start of the ceremony. We were sitting in a stadium-like place with thousands of indians!! The mood's celebrative, everyone's cheering and really, there were cheers like those we shout in sec school games... like "long live india" loosely translated lah.

Hokay, this was taken right at the beginning of the trip where we were in the bus being taken into the city area just before walking to the famous Golden Temple. Went to this war memoral place too.
This is it! The famous Golden temple. It's right smack in the middle of a huge pond, which is right smack in the middle of a huger compound. As you can see from the top left pic, there's the temple, not very impressive by itself but the hugeass compound that's surrounding it, definately is.

Here's more pics of the Golden temple. There's also a pic of some guys paying their respects to the Guru. Yep, guy just sits in the little cage thingy and stare... then there's their communal meal area and how the meals are done. FARKING huge group of people sitting around a charcoal stove making naan and food. And the peeps just sit there with a plate while food is distributed. The pic with all the silverware actually shows the number of plates used. Oh... there's a total of 5 to 7 such racks and this pic prolly shows only 1/5 of the actual length. It's allllll freeeee...

Hokay... that was a short tour to Amritsar. Just got back from Brisbane and spent the sunny day in Dreamworld!!! Woohoo!! Which meant by the time i actually got to sleep, i was already awake for more than 24 hrs coz i went out right after touching down. Lost my voice when i got up to go for work coz I screamed too much during the rides. FUCKIN FUN LOR!!! Unfortunately, gotta wait for my friend to send me pics coz my digicam died on me. Bleah!

Alrighty, till then.. have a ggggrrreeaattt weekend!

what am i doing?

I hope I dun sound shallow when I don't talk about things that really matter to people. Like passion for our job (or lack of it), or relationships (coz I could go on and on and on.. and on..and..) yea... or family values, friendship, politics, and all that.

Always hear myself complaining (of late) that we're all getting older.

Had a little conversation with my sister. It wasn't really a conversation actually. All she said was that she wanted tuition on a sunday so she can have saturday to do her own things. In which I replied, "what do you have to do??" You see, at sweet 16, we thought we were there, as in... having a good time with the close pals you've made after 4 yrs; being the Lao Jiao in school, knowing every inch of getting in and outta trouble. We thought we were the busiest people in the world juggling school work, eca (cca), O level pressure, church (for some), friends, relationships... blah blah... but actually, it was really just to study! And we wished we were older.

Now here we are... older yet not necessarily wiser, juggling yet another set of problems. Now we have bills to settle, work politics, our own ethics and morals to keep in control, saving up for the house, the wedding, ang baos, more relationship problems as they get increasingly warped. Staying ahead is no longer just about the books. It's making sure when the ship sinks, you are able to keep afloat. Anyone can sink.. just not me.. or the people around me.

I still get jealous easily, I still get confused easily, I still feel threatened easily. Methinks over the years my confidence has been a little off track. Maybe it was just me feeling alll so sure of myself then when I had something sure to lean on as opposed to now, when... nothing's ever as certain as I wish it was. Now, I always go back to thinking... i have to do this or that to be better than this or that. It sucks. Growing up sucks.

I hate to know I have to compete coz I hate the feeling of not being sure. But what if he or she's better...? And when I know I can be sure, I choose to take the more difficult route because of what? - the challenge.

Sigh... just a passing random thought. What if I decide to do a little "sweet november" stunt? Like give the guy a month, just that the stakes are a little different coz I'm not actually dying. Imagine, knowing that you'll only be together for that month, then moving on. But within that month, you really really live for the moment and each other. It sounds almost like a fling on hindsight.. but hey.. it's planned and there's more emotions involved than that of a fling, so it's technically NOT a fling. Quite sweet wat!! Hur hur.. only if both parties understand fully the works of it lah.

It must be the time of the night. I can't believe what I'm thinking of suggesting. I'm going nuts!! That's why I hate talking about things I think about... coz I'll go crazzzzyyy!! bleah!

Stranger in Moscow

I am so bored.

Remember me going to moscow slightly more than a coupla months back? Well, ahem.. here are the photos, finally, now that I bought the card reader so I can load pictures into the comp and learnt this new programme!!
That's St Basil's Cathedral (above). It sorta reminds me of Hensel and Gretal's little mishap at the house made up of colourful cookies. Alas it turned out to be a witch's house and the colour was there to attract lost and hungry kids to it and she cooks them and eats them.. or makes spells.. or something..

I digress.. and yes.. a mini military band playing at what seemed to be a fair going on at the Cathedral. Pardon the stupid overlapping. Like I said, too many pics and everything gets too cluttered.

Over here, more snapshots of the buildings and streets of Moscow.

More pics of the people living in russia, or.. Russians. Yes.. anywayz, up close and personal, the gals are GORGEOUSSSSSS... guys.. ok only.. but but but, every single table at every single f&b outlet had an ashtray, regardless of whether it's in or outdoors. Singapore should learn something there.

Oh, the last pic with the guy holding the bottle. Yep. farking asshole tried to put his hands in my pants, after taking the pic. fuck off!!! Ya, we considered exotic to them lah.. asian chicks..

Hokay... next up, when I'm bored enough, I might bring India to you!!

snapshots!

My sister just taught me how to use this programme called Picasa2. Basically, it's a photo-editing software very very very much UNlike photoshop. Hokay, it can only do the most basic stuff like changing file size and collating everything into either grid form, or polaroid form, the latter, unfortunately, can only take a coupla pics before everything else gets covered up.

So anywayz, here are the pics of me and some of the peeps I've been flying with the last yr and a half. Namely, Rex, Jon, Steeevennn (lovingly aka fa-ge), Vivien (slut), Val (bitch), Kellin (my Qing-ai-de), Patricia (auntie), Shernice, Naf and Naz (nope.. they are not siblings).


This one's a mini trip to las vages when we were having a little stopover in LA. The weather was just perrrfecto! And I felt like one of em Ocean's Twelve folks.. rob a casino!!!

Hokay, now that I've FINALLY found a programme that lets me collate pics like this, the next few posts should be, hopefully, filled with more pics!!

To more editing!! Yay!!

Best way to waste time

In the midst of watching Singapore Idol. Yes, when I actually DO get to sit down and eat at home with me mum, dad and sis. And I think it's a blardy waste of time. Not the dinner part but the Singapore Idol part I mean.

It's honestly nothing but an advertising gimmick lor! I mean, it's been almost an hour and they are STILL trying to announce who goes out of the show. First half of the programme was them chatting away, gossiping about who's going out with who... some mtv and what their super fun trip to national day rehearsals!! wow!! 2nd half of it was... so and so in group whatever... then... commercial break, then so and so in wherever, again, and we'll come back shortly... then finally announcing which GROUP stays in.. then commercial break.. then finally, oh! ONE person from the other group is safe.. i mean.. walao!!!!! this whole thing could've been done in 15 min lor!! maybe make that 30min since we need advertisers and their moolah.

And when they announce that the "lines are closed", (I'm sorry, I haven't caught this in a LONG time but do they ACTUALLY announce that? why do they need to? Ok, maybe i know why but...) and people actually jeered. So silly billy... duh the lines HAVE to be closed someday, somehow no?

Haha... it's just quite funny lah. It's prolly normal that all Idol shows are like that. I'm a little.. perplexed that's all. Haven't watched enough of it to build up the patience to wait around an hour for them to announce something. Sigh.. Doo dee doo dee doo... ;D