rise and shine

believe it or not, i've been sleeping ard 12ish ~ 1ish (cept for char's bbq) and waking up at 8ish every morning since i got back.

i'm a changed woman!!

i've become human!~

my face seems to be swelling up. but i think it's just the ulcers. hur hur hur. *grinz*

attack of the ulcers

i have not one... not two... not four... but THREE freaking ulcers since i got back from sipadan/kapalai/sabah/kota kinabalu (depending on where u are looking from).

it's not really full blown kinda ulcers but the beginnings of them. the soreness, the swell, the inability to eat properly, the whitish patch appearing ever so slowly but surely.... yadayada....

...sigh... and i have 3 of them. one on top, two at the bottom, all three at the gum area. methinks i probably bit on the regulator (the thing that enables me to breathe from the tank underwater) too hard for too long, and of course the lack of much needed water.

i'm in paaaaaiiinnnnnnn...... pain pain! *pouts*

back to reality

this trip has been enlightening in many many ways. despite always travelling and meeting new people during work, this is kinda like my virgin holiday with almost complete strangers. meeting them a day before the trip doesn't count.

i told myself to get the hell outta my comfort zone, and honestly, there were many times i ended up looking for excuses to not go, fear of loneliness i suppose. but then again, thankfully the moolah i paid made me HAVE to go. it wasn't cheap but every cent was worth it in hindsight.

here's a sneak peek as more underwater pics will be distributed once it's been compiled. now i'm just itching to get my advance license, my own wetsuit, mask, reg, fins, torch, pointer, dive comp and itching to get me an underwater digital camera + casing!! the shittiest thing about getting older and having a hobby is that the equipments just gets more and more expensive.

like a pole...
or a laptop...
or a camera...

bleah...

sunset just outside the canteen area. food, btw, is fabulicious lor!!

methinks god is fair to make stars in the skies and not forget about the living underwater. stars are pretty. starfishes like this litted up the waters around.

the view from my bed. after a little rearrangement by me and nancy, we both got to enjoy the sun rise and sea view as soon as we open our eyes. occasionally there'll be really silly noisy pelicans fishing or just the fishes flapping around in the water and feeding time always wakes me up.

the gang. methinks we were prolly the noisest group around. but hey.. i think they all loved us to bits. damn i miss them already!! from top left, joseph, jackson, priscille, curt, deanna, me, katherine, magdelene, nancy and tom jones. (really)

these boys live on mabul island. one of the 3 islands that we dive at. they were goofing around at the jetty pushing each other down. life is this fun when there are no worries huh?

going away for a bit

so the past coupla days have been pretty great. i mean, definately had its ups and downs, lefts and rights and all that crap. and as heart wrenching sometimes to see my friends go through shit, i'm always really glad that they actually think of me and turn to me to rant/whine/pour/cry/deliberate about their issues. kinda like it feeds my sanity and keeps me grounded coz sometimes i may get a little too happy with life and build castles in the air.

sometimes, just sometimes though, the pressure and burden of knowing can become a little too much and painful to bear. but hey.. like i said, it feeds my sanity (and sometimes, a little gossip doesn't harm).

so anyways, the gals have been planning to go on a girly trip since god-knows-when. we've actually decided on the date 11 to 14may eons ago.. but alas, us being us (although there's no excuse coz afterall, it's been decided for so long...) dilly dallied and now, we dunno if it's still on. methinks it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. nobody believes we'll be able to plan something like that so nobody bothers about it and everybody just leaves it to somebody else and that's how we go about it all the time. i mean, if there was really effort put in it, i'm sure something could've been worked out, no? sigh... but then again... shit happens all the time so how on earth will we ever be able to plan something and tell shit not to happen?

see that's me ranting... to myself (and whoever reads this blog). aiyah.. it just gets so tiring sometimes to organise something and not get any support for it. like... smsing people for a nite out and NO ONE bothers to reply (i'm sure we've all gone through that). well, mainly things like that that has happened more than a coupla times.

okay back to the trip. so it's been settled and the dates are fixed. i know most of the girls CAN'T make it anymore... (surprise surprise!) but i've gotten used to it so i dun quite feel increasingly agitated with each rejection.

howell... oh oh.. i'm going sipadan tomorrow (techincally later) and back on 27 apr. there's another performance at gotham on 3rd may to raise awareness for child sex abuse and 100% tix sales will go there. so please... come support.. even if i'm not dancing.. coz.. I CAN'T FIND SOMEONE TO GIVE MY FUCKING FLIGHT AWAY TO!!!! mind you it's not a cheapo flight lor.

two holidays next roster!! yay...

very very disturbed

you know what i've come to realise between staying at home and normanton?

yes, i had to pay more money when i go to and from work.
yes, i had to pay rent and electrical bills.
yes, i clubbed more often.
yes, i organised more house parties.
yes, i still took cabbies home and called them when i needed them.

bought my own household equipment - check
bought makan and goodies for the boys and the peeps at reuters - check
shopped as often - check

but why? i just don't understand why i managed to save more moolah that whole year and i'm living on deficits now! why?

the only thing that could have contributed was prolly me tabaoing from auntie downstairs to eat at home or someone somewhere will buy foodie on the way home. but it can't just be the food that's saving me that few grand rite???

why??? *looking perplexed*

how now? brown cow?

YAY!!!!!!! Check out links on the right!! ------------->>>>>>>

i did it!!! thanks to prissy la la!! *mmmuuuaaakkkzzzzz*

ooo.. methinks i got a new shoerack too! shared though but hey.... as long as i dun have to get angry with my shoes and my mum everytime i can't find them, i'm happy and good to go.

yey...

care too much, it becomes too much. dun care, then i'll start freaking out. how to balance and not take care and concern for granted?? how not to take each other for granted?? keep reminding myself that this is real and i'm not 21 anymore. responsibilities and compromises are part of it, no? i swore i'll never give... at least, not more than the other person. and now that i've been so pampered, it's hard to let it go.

i dunno how to handle it!! fave words and motto of the gang kicks in... "I DUNNO!! I REALLY DUNNO!!" but i know i gotta do something... not easy maintaining something huh.

sigh...

the rainbow connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told and some chose to believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far

What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

All of us under its spell
We know that its probably magic

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called the young sailors
I think they're one and the same

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

never really paid attention to the lyrics. who'd have thought this cutsy rainbow song can be so wise... and so real?

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

shoerack

good morning world!

i need to buy a new shoerack that displays the shoes i have so that no.1) mum will stop nagging at me to pack my shoes, no.2) i dun have to dig around and look for the shoes that she keeps away for me in an attempt to help me tidy up, no.3) i dun get pissed off when i can't find my shoes and no.4) i can see what goes with my clothes at a glance.

time to work work~~

be responsible

when will we ever be matured enough to know what we want and do what we should do? i mean, we're already 25. some people our age already have kids! albeit maybe some might have been due to unforeseen circumstances but hey! they deal with it and learn to be responsible to their lives and the lives of their family. i was already almost 2yrs old when my mum was my age. so... why all the drama we consistently inject into our already fucked up lives?

i think we all should grow up and start thinking responsibly. it's not just about being happy anymore. sometimes what makes us happy may not make others happy. so are we gonna be selfish and insist on our own happiness at the expense of someone else?

this, coming from me... the most highly 'responsible' person u can find. but i mean it.

urgh... sometimes i think i'm damn fucking childish. but i feel like somebody just jumped into my life and took over everything that was me.

okay.. just needed to let it out. *UURGGHHH*

i'm cool now!! yay!~!~!

fucked up because...

1. the facial wash i bought for my friend got confiscated at the silly melbourne airport.

2. i can't change my appt on tuesday and now i'm stuck with two appts needing the same amount of time overlapping each other.

3. nobody's replied me on whether i can pick up my dive equipments or confirm if the new date's do-able.

4. i pissed my bf off but it's okay now anyways, as usual, my bad.

5. i lost the links to my friends's blogs as mentioned earlier.

6. the flight back was a total disaster and i was on 'check' (dictionary: appraisal)

7. i'm getting fat.

8. nothing seems to be going right.. hmm.. more like.. when nothing happens, all is peaceful and nice. when shit happens, it aims straight for the fan.

9. argh... like it or not.. the template stays like this... until .. i dunno... i feel like it.

10. fucking du lanz... with myself lah... hate to rant.

11. seee.... i'm ranting...

12. i'm not feeling any better.

13. i'm still on standby for the next coming entire week and then on leave meaning i'm gonna be eating grass unless they call me up for.. say... london???

14. i could actually go on and on and on but it'll just get pointless.

15. i miss my old job. i'm getting a little stirred to quit actually. sigh...

*PTUI*

makeover

itchy itchy fingers. urgh.

decided to give my blog a new look coz i realised i've been stuck with black or dark blue for a enormously loong time. yeap. smartypants me forgot to save the links to all my darlings's blog. which means, i've got no links to who and whatsoever.

dammit. and i apologise for the font colour coz it's all either white or grey so it'll be pretty hard to decipher with this new blog.

but heck. what's done's done. sigh.

taken off my weeklong flight and placed on standby from 13 to 18april.

please everybody, let's say it together now.

F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.S.Q!~!~!~!!~!~!

(doesn't quite go with the cutsey image this new template has huh... kekeke)

missing normanton

i miss frolicking in bed.
i miss waking up to chilled vodka ribena in a bottle.
i miss walking around and finding a lighter at every other corner.
i miss looking for something to cook.
i miss sitting in front of the teevee with wine and dinner.
i miss doing my laundry when nobody's at home.
i miss waitin for the sun to shine before hitting the pool.
i miss sitting on my ledge watching the world through the twirling ciggie smoke.
i miss having my friends pop over just to chill.
i miss organising parties for fun.
i miss grocery and house equipment shopping.
i miss fighting for clothes hanging space.
i miss going downstairs to auntie's stall to order fried rice with sunny side up.
i miss having to pay enormous taxi fares just to come home for dinners with family.
i miss having the guys come over to cook.
i miss having bewildered reactions to whatever lurks inside my fridge.
i miss middle of the nite i-can't-sleep jamming sessions at the computer.
i miss smoking at home whenever i want to.

i miss the life i had living at normanton.

i wanna stay out. i miss everything about staying out.

bored

yes. me. bored. to. death.

thankfully i have people on the other side of the world to keep me company.

i love coming back to sg after a loong flight. only because, i mean of course because of the man, but not just that, i come back and a whole lot of information backlog just comes rushing in. and then i realise that people all have their shit to deal with and clean up. and i think.. yeap, i'm home. at last.

and i also realise that we (maybe it's just me, but prove me otherwise) are always looking for ways to further improve (read: screw up) our current situation coz it's never good just being good. methinks adrian put it plain and simple. and he makes me feel like i need a shrink. you know, just to put things in perspective a little coz i can get really confused about nothing.

he says: ur (you are) a mess and ur (you are) fucked... and subconciously ur (you geddit) holding onto something old familiar safe and happy and old promises everytime ur in danger of finding those same things in another coz ur afraid if this new person will be able to hold a candle to a previous dream!

how smart. how apt.

in anycase, he's right, i am a work-in-progress. i dunno how long this construction is gonna last and i'm sorry if it's causing a helluva noise. simply put, i just need some patience and understanding coz i honestly do have my shit and demons (like a drug addiction it is) creeping up on me time and again. and no. i do not want to hurt anyone in the process. anymore.

i still dunno what it all means sometimes. we are supposed to be happy yet we are never satisfied. apparently we can only measure one's happiness at the end of the person's life, in totality. so i'll only really know if i'm truly happy when i'm dead. i'll only rest when i'm dead. damn! maybe that's where the term 'rest in peace' comes in!!

hokay... i still dunno what to make of my dreams. only time will tell right?

yeap, only time will time. i just wish i knew now.

ciao bella! me backa froma milano!

I survived milan! painkillers, medicated plasters and heatpack (which i overheated and burst, heehee... it has to be me) were my saviour. really. and it's all because of them that i get to come back and share milan + verona with yall!!

mostly verona actually...

the arena, think colosseo in rome. stone stadium-style seats fill up the inside and it's huge. the material is kinda smooth so i'm not sure if it's actually marble. it feels like marble though but methinks it's way too expensive to built something like this with marble only... i mean.. it's not a palace like the taj, no? but... i dunno...

one of the first stops we went to. methinks it's an art school coz there were statues like this, and other full bodied ones. people say it looks scary. i think it's... surreal...

" romeo! romeo! wherefore art thou romeo!?" no prizes for guessing. yes, this is juliet's humble abode.
one of their famous castles that until now i still can't figure out how to pronounce the name. but in anycase, here it is!! hahaha... we felt quite an achievement finding it though..

so that was verona. i didn't quite get to see much in milan cept for the hugeass gothic looking church in duomo which is the main shopping area.

besides that, it's shop, shop, shop!~

there goes my allowance.... *sob*~