Lazy Monday

It's a lazy monday afternoon and I've just done my laundry. Am considering ironing my clothes but I might just skip that and go swimming instead. I'm feeling too lazy for comfort. Working out's suppose to make me more energetic so that I shall do.

*Bloop Bloop Bloop*

Haha.. anywayz, just came back from a weeklong trip to Rome. Actually, I only had about 3 whole days at Rome at which the group of us spent the first day trekking around Rome itself. We visited the colosseo, various monuments and churches, had lunch etc etc before buying the midnight train ticket that would take us to venice. Train got delayed for 3 whole hours so we had to sleep and huddle in the cold nite air, try to catch some sleep on the train station's platform and at the same time keep an eye on our belongings. Kekeke... it was really the highlight of the trip for me, coz I guess I'm more into roughing it out and how often do u get stuck at midnight in a roman train station? Haha... yes yes.. sadist I am, sucker for pain, I am...

BTW, the first class carriage/cabin in the train does not resemble anything like first class cept for the "F" logo on the seat's headpiece. Actually, the 2nd class ones are more comfy coz you can lie down across the seats. I had a good nap while on the train. hiakz!

After 6 hours of train ride in addition to the 3 hours of waiting, we finally arrived at destination Venice. 9 hours of waiting paid off coz venice is ... B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L..... it's so super ultra romantic!~ We walked across the many bridges, went to the famour san Marco area, sat in the gondola (my colleague and I had this game abt kissing each other whenever we go under the bridge, unfortunately we ended up sitting in different gondolas so... we kissed across them instead - how romantic!~~~~) Apparently, venice is famous for it's masks so I got myself some mask earrings. Everything's so enchantingly beautiful there!

Caught the 6.45pm train back to Rome and the last day we spent at the Vatican city. Pigeon shitted on me just before I entered the main area and I'm calling it the Holy Shit. I bought an ashtray from the vatican city too!~ muahaha.. from the church actually... u see how touristy the whole area's become?? Well, needless to say, the view from the top of the dome was AMAZING as well...

I wish I could've stayed longer. I can't wait for my pics to be ready. I can't wait to see the pics my friends took!~

Alrighty.... lemme now go figure out what activity awaits me for the rest of the day.

Dum dee dum dee dum!~

Freedom to live + feel = Freedom to get hurt

Phew! Just got back from a Manila quickie and I'm so happy to be alive.

Am gonna meet the gals, namely Sharon and Gracia for yet another nite out. I dunno how long I can keep up with this man. Something tells me I might crash someday, either while clubbing or drinking.

Life's been pretty good so far, finally settled things at home and am getting back in the working groove. The only downside to this job's that, really, once u touch down, it's basically freedom time and I dun really have to be thinking about work at all. Sometimes I think it kills the brain cell and what with the drinking I've been doing these coupla weeks. Think I'm gonna die young, which I dun mind actually, but at least, let me know who my husband is first.. haha.. I STILL wanna at least live through a honeymoon. *grinzz*

Aimless I am, actually, trying to find things to do to occupy my time while I'm here. Don't get me wrong. I love my job... nothing beats the travelling. It's just that at the end of the day, I honestly hope I wun look back and go.. hmmm.... that's it?? I guess I should go out and embrace whatever life throws at me, hold it by the horns and take everything in stride. Unfortunately, I think my doing that is actually doing me more damage than good.

"Impulsive" is the key word. Reckless living. Come what may. Live life to the fullest. Fuck around, fuck up and fuck off. I pray I dun let myself become too numb and cynical. The scariest part of it is I'm feeling bad coz I'm NOT actually feeling all that bad abt something I SHOULD feel bad about. But then again, I'm only freaking 23... should just enjoy life and be happy, no? Sometimes this shortlived happiness can be the most enriching and fulfilling experience you can ever live through - or that's what I'd like to think. BUT... am I then discounting what true, longterm happiness can bring?

Er... I'm asking too many questions. Questions I can't bear to answer and dun really wanna answer, or have answered. I hate the feeling of not being in control. I may SEEM like I'm in control, but I'm wrecked. Rotting from inside, I fear becoming...

I feel like crying and letting my emotions run wild. I feel like bungy jumping. I feel like calling him and telling him how much I fucking hate not knowing how he feels.

I hate getting drunk and losing control. I hate headaches and motion sickness the next morning. I hate feeling like I need something more than just being happy with myself. I hate being alone and I hate not liking to be alone coz I know sometimes being alone is all I need.

Seems so damn freaking angsty huh, this post...

As irritating as it sounds, I'm also pretty easily contented. REALLY. So... all I wanna do now is to curl in his arms and sleep there. And the dumbass will ask "why issit that you actually fit so comfortably in my arms ah??"

Sighh... why the hell do I always get myself into these shit situations???

Maiden blog from Normanton

Yes, I finally have proper internet access from Normanton Park. Whoopeee~ Feels good to once again be typing on a keyboard, chatting with friends, checking my emails and updating people with the amazingly interesting story of my life... haha.. yea yea... whatever.. :P

Anyways, backtrack to the past coupla days, just wanna say that the hse warming partee was a blast!! (Or so I'd like to think) And I sincerely thank everyone who made it. (Those that didn't coz u didn't know abt it or anything, I'm sorry... too many people and I hope u know its not personal). Well, we actually had proper catered food and so much alcohol that my once empty shelf now proudly displays abt 5 different types of vodka, there's tequila, gin, baileys, can't remember what else but they're there! We had so much wine and booze coz everyone just came with bottles and bottles of whatever they can lay hands on. We ordered 6 bottles of Bukatraubbe and it disappeared in abt an hour. Sheesh... hot stuff cannot bluff...

Something happened that day actually made me wanna cry for the first time in the last half a year. It felt almost scary coz I forgot how these emotions felt like.

After the party, the rest of my off days were spent cleaning up the house, sun tanning, meeting up with my colleagues, drinking and basically bumming around wishing I could return to work. Anyways, it felt good going back to work. Some people say they'll start dreading work and all but I think I appreciated the break and the fact that I actually do have a job. Bumming around too much can be very stressful and tiring coz in tiny lil island here, it's almost a chore thinking of someplace new to go to!

Speaking of which, nicky, sel and myself checked out this place called eskibar. Like a sub-zero degree setting where people had to wear jackets and drink in an ice cold environment. Unfortunately for us, we were at the position where it wasn't that cold so we didn't need the jackets nor did we freeze our asses off. All we had was nice cold beer throughout the time we were there. Kinda a little overated but still pretty fun for a first time thing.

Hokay, I can go on and on but I shall go find some food. Oh the perils of living alone..... wish someone would tapao something for me now!!

3 days at Normanton

I finally have internet access and no, it's not at normanton park. As situation has it, computer and internet access should have been set up coupla days ago by dearest nicky loh but nooo... it's still NOT DONE! I have to resort to coming home to pasir ris JUST to use my computer coz I was practically starving from the lack of internet access (not that i do much with it actually, but, u know.. it's just the FEEELING). Anyway, okay... i'm home not just for the computer but coz I realised I dun have my shoes for gym and I wasted another gym day. *hmph*

Back to the house, we have cable teevee~~ Wooopieee~~ I had to redeem myself coz I kinda screwed up on the power supply earlier and I think I've proven my worth. Ha! My job was to settle catering for hse warming and get cable and I did both in a day. Feeling very fulfilled now. Hahaha... :/ Now, let's see if my dear housemate can do the internet thingy up.. heh.. the tables have turned.. muahaha *evil laughter*

Other than that, living at Normanton is getting pretty fun. Just need to get use to .. more like.. the guys might need to get use to me running out of the bathroom in a towel... haha.. or waking up to see me doing facial (imagine... waking up to a freaking white face). I think i'll be freaked out too. I need to get some kinda distraction. This week's break is making me feel very lazy and I dun like feeling lazy. I like lazing around though.. but that's not the pt. Been out drinking, preparing for house warming, doing up my room, which has become somewhat messy... keke.. I'm getting fat~~~~ argh! Kk... nuff whining...

The partee will be a blast.. I hope... *crosses fingers*

Updates and blabber...

Hokay! Past coupla weeks have been a roller coaster and it's time i take a break to do other things other than sit around on my arse, thinking, thinking and thinking. Dammit. If he's not gonna care, I ain't gonna care too (and stop rolling ur eyes).

Anyway, I am sooo happy now coz I'm finally having my 7 days rest! Kekeke.... will be on leave from tuesday (technically now coz I'm back from flight) till next monday! Whooopieee~~ Am gonna concentrate on doing up dear normanton park in time for house warming on friday 13th! Kekeke... Now, all I gotta do is spend some time and moolah and do up a checklist which includes:

1) Buying an iron and ironing board
2) Buying a hair dryer
3) Packing more stuff into my laundry basket
4) Applying for cable
5) Buying beans for my bean bag
6) Buying an ipod shuffle
7) Buying hair pins (okay, I digress... not just about the house)

Etc... etc... which I haven't thought of. Oh yes... time to really sit down with nicky and vivek to discuss what the heck are we gonna do and serve that day. Oh... and we gotta start writing our guestlist! Ohhh.. and we gotta start INVITING PEOPLE... something tells me after all that we've done, we'll end up with.. just the usual gang.. HA! nah... I'm TRYING to get more of me colleagues down but dun count on it dudes...

And last friday was the first time vivek and nicky saw me leave for work in full uniform, make up and all! Hahaha... was quite fun... Nicky helped me book a cabbie too! It was nice having two dudes bidding u 'goodbye darling!' Sighh... I foresee though, that in a month, they probably wun even open their doors to say "hi" or "bye". Ahhh wellll....

I'm honestly loving the life I'm living right now, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want and seriously, even though people may judge, I think I'm old enough to be responsible for whatever decisions I make. Therefore, people shouldn't make judgements coz I don't owe anyone anything and I certainly dun owe how i live my life to them.

That said, of coz it's still a blessing to know that you have friends around who genuinely care and all they hope to do is to keep you from future potential harm. Guess in that sense we do owe each other some form of accountability huh? Hmmm... I guess~~

Hokay, time to stop blabbering and go bathe. Having mothers' day dinner with me parents at fisherman's village (since my mum hasn't been there before). Am right now fulfilling my duty as a fillal daughter by coming back home for dinner after moving out, okayyyy....

Need to hit the gym soon too... argh...

And I still kinda miss him... sighhh....

To the gang and friends that I love...

Sometimes I hate myself for wishing I could have everything... the best of both worlds... everything.

I can't stand it when in my confusion and selfishness, I make decisions, say things and do things that screw not only myself but also the lives of people around me. Like when I know my friends only mean and want the best for me, protecting me from getting hurt, I hate it when I let myself fall because if anything does happen, without questions they'll stand by me and pick me up again.

I just wanna say thank u to allllllll u guys who've been there, still here and will always be there for me... coz that's what I'll be doing for u too...

No.. this is not a suicide note.. haha.. just feeling a lil... 'feeling' today...