in the blink of an eye...

Happy birthday Kwok Mushmang!! And happy 2007 to everyone!!

I'll be counting down to the end of 06 in the plane which kinda sucks in a way but am cool with it la since I'll be meeting dear adrian and ivan. I'm happy as long as I get to spend time with my close friends. Yeap.

2006 has been pretty amazing and it seems there's just so many things to say about it that I don't quite know where to start. I'm hoping 2007 will be a different year hence I have a coupla resolutions (which nobody thinks I can fulfill) but hmm... I'll try... coz at this moment, I kinda feel like it's the last thing on my mind. Really.

No pics from last nite's uniform party coz I didn't bring my cam but am sure pictures will be up soon. It is afterall the first time since god knows when we had a theme party where almost everyone came in a uniform. Quite cool and fun!! More theme parties please!!

Came home this morning, hugged mustarsky and promised him this. That when I die, I want mustarsky to be placed in the coffin with me too. Maybe I don't quite wanna face up.. is there a possiblity of people being placed in a side position like I'm snuggling up with mustarsky? If can, do remember this request okie? If have to face up, then place mustarsky on my body with my hands hugging it.

Me, mustarsky and miki (my cousins' bitch)

I hope this is not too morbid for a pre-new yrs day post. Just haven't been able to see happy these days... but I'm okay.

Sleepy and gloomy

i just wanted to spend time with u cause i really missed you. I could just hug u the whole nite and I could be happy with that. It was just that simple, I wasn't looking for complicated.

*haizz*

And here I am... breaking someone's heart to go Prissy-la-la's house to do something that will probably be half, or even less, appreciated while all i had to do on the other hand was sleep.

Why am I always complicating matters for me? It doesn't have to be like that right?

*haizz*

Feeling so fucked now and i need a drink... BADLY.

Pain or Pleasure

People always say that it's better to be the one more loved in a relationship. That it's always better to be the one taken care of in a relationship. But what if I personally WANT to love and WANT to take care of the other person equally? How can u be happy just being taken care of and loved? I mean... it's blissful at first but after a while... isn't it normal to wanna do the same for the person and not let it be just a one-sided thing?

Hokay.. I thought I was happy when I found the man who'd loved me regardless and really wants to take care of me and loved every single shit I do, rite? But that happiness just doesn't last when I see myself caring and wanting to spend more time with someone else.

Sigh... Now he wants to work things out and asks me to give it another shot. Should I? I really don't know what to do or say. I could give it a shot but what if it doesn't work again? Will I be wasting anybody's time? And will it be more difficult to let go a second time? He says he's been thinking and really can't convince himself to let it go so easily. Why is it that some people just more willingly fight for each other and others just let them go? Should I then really give him another chance to make me fall in love again since it's so hard to find someone who does?

So back to the statement "it's better to be loved than to love".

Val mentioned this to me before and I see now what it means. So I'd rather love more and not be empty in the end than to receive but never experiencing the pain that makes you human.

Haiyah... wat to do.. wat to do...

Merry Sweet Little Christmas

So christmas came and went by in a flash. Here's a belated Merry christmas to all.

Christmas this year was interesting... and I thought I'll be spending christmas all alone in Melbourne. Heheh... it's prolly just christmas lah.

Got back from Melbourne, had a mini nap before I woke up feeling trapped in my own room coz the crowd outside felt overwhelming. Yeap, my mum organised a hugeass christmas party for her cell group members. Potluck, gift exchange, home karaoke... fun... but of course I had my healthy dosage of... remember to walk with the Lord... keep the bible in ur bag whenever u travel... pray... yadayada from the senior pastor's wife. Nice. Drank red wine.

Popped over to Normanton to hang with nickyboy and aly and tapaoed them the yummylicious turkey, pasta and fried rice. Drank martini bianco 7-up.

Headed over to Velvet to meet some colleagues from my melbourne flight, got bored, headed to Rav and someway somehow, hung out till 9...am... before I crashed for 10 hours!!!! (i'm so super ultra sorry val for duaing u for wakeboarding. I was really dead.)

Christmas was sweet in it's own little way. Hope it was for everyone. Counting down to 2007 now and hopefully new yrs day and the rest of 2007 will be sweet too.

Am gonna join in the family ktv session. Nickyboy... Interested??

urgh.. i just wore my uniform after two off days... and urgh.. it's not a uniform! IT'S A CORSET!!

fuck man! so blardy fuckin tight!! i hate holiday seasons!!

All I want for christmas...

It's christmas eve and I'm at home, alone, snuggling up to mustarsky under my blanket. Nice.

I've been thinking about christmas and pressies and all and realised there really isn't much that I need for christmas. Don't have anything in particular that I want that I can't get for myself. My favourite pressies were actually the gifts we got for the gang. It was a friendship thing that all of us now have and the thought of it just warms my heart. Yeap... I know it sounds really silly but it almost makes me feel secondary school young again where we do stuff for each other and.. awww... best friends forever.. that kinda stuff.

Silly me... anywayz, back to the topic.

I can't quite think of what I really need or want for christmas that isn't actually living and breathing. What I want for christmas is what I've always wanted and what I'll always want until the day I get it/them.

yeap... my sister's opening a bottle of bacardi breezer in front of me with two more bottles of hooch and heineken beside it. My sister... sigh... I never even touched those when i was 16 lor!!Urghh... too much alcohol for the week. I so need to detox tonight! Thank god I'm on flight.

oh and... All I want is someone I can't resist. I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed...

ouch... my head...

Can't remember much of what happened last nite. Again, I was slightly depressed but after downing 2 glasses of wine at mache (i won the 2nd one by spinning the wheel) and a third at the station kitchen and god knows how many jugs of apricot brandy, vodka redbull, chivas dry, martini bianco and I dunno anymore... val and I were freakin high...

Val was high 15 min into the nite whereas Dee was already high before we left town. Lousy. Ha! Dinner was nice and cozy with the gals and I realised that galfriends are and should always be the most important relationship to work on. Not the men coz well... as we all know... how many times have our galfriends wiped our tears, laughed at our jokes, lent a shoulder, tease each other relentlessly.

I love my galfriends. For always being there for me. For always knowing wat's going on in my mind without me having to say it. For never judging me. For trusting me. For knowing when I need a drink. For drinking with me. For loving me.

Anyway here's my analogy. Every coin has two faces stuck together but never meeting. So we're just like coins. So depressing! *haiz*

The truth shall set u free

I think there comes a point in life where we have to come to terms with the truth.

Truth is, I'll never be with the love of my life.
Truth is, I have just broken the heart of someone who truly loved and treasured me.
Truth is, I just don't think I'll ever be able to settle down anymore.
Truth is, I just don't know what I want anymore.
Truth is, sometimes I know I'm being selfish but I just can't help it.

Hallo bachelorettehood

By some wierd turn of events, I'm now able to make it for elissa and normie's christmas party and will not be around frm 24 to 26 dec. All the better I guess since everyone seems to already have plans and I dun wanna be the one that's trying to... hmm... find somewhere to go. Ha! I'm going Melboune for some aussie christmas!

Sitting at the crew seat for take-offs and landings always makes me think of stuff.

Like... I wonder how's he doing and what he's friends are saying about me when I suddenly dropped the hugeass bomb a week before christmas. Like... how I'm actually thinking more about him now that we're no longer together but I know that's just post relationship trauma. Like... I know even if I do miss him now, it's only temporary and getting back together will just no.1) make people (him) not take me seriously anymore and no.2) end up in the same situation after 3 months coz we will encounter the same shit again.

So I come to the conclusion that what I did was right. Since, at least, I'm feeling lighter than I usually am. and no... I'm not losing weight.

Told nicky I feel like staying single for 2007. U think???

I need to post pics of maldives!! As soon as I find the cable for my hp to transfer the files...

Liberated!

I meant to go see a doc since I got back but until today, i'm still sniffing and coughing away. Dammit. It's the rain... it's making running simple errands so difficult! Even shopping is a nightmare coz we have to carry all that stuff and run in the rain!! Run!!!

Last nite we were pretty pathetic too... company was great, nicky, vina, pris, gracia and myself went to holland v in the rain for yummy beef fly lice... yummmm.... can't remember what the rest had but we finished everything thing so it must be good. Speaking of good authentic food (as highlighted by aly), we should go to the old zion rd market beside the BB headquarters coz they serve the most delectable not-so-spicy sambal fried fish!! Oh god... everything else is damn power too.. so let's go soon!!

Then it was running in the rain, again, for drinks at non-smoking walas where we finally agreed on dates, themes and venues for the upcoming parties. s&m? Uniform? retro or rock? Pyjamas? Haha.... think it's gonna be fun!!

Bumped over to gracia and Kai's place for another beer, will & grace and a dose of their bickering. Sheesh... I love bickering! I miss bickering. I miss staying out and cooking my own food, washing my own clothes, cleaning my own room, sleeping on a bigger bed, sitting on my ledge and looking out the window.. oohh.. and after ahem smokes.. all good things must end with a smoke coz it's the cherry on the icing! heh..

Oh, caught The Holiday the day before and I loved it even though my friends said it was a little slow. Guess it's coz I could relate very much to it. Make me wonder if I should do something like that... since... well... i am, technically, single, now, and alone for christmas. But hey! I ain't depressed! I'm actually... enjoying it.

And yey, tonight I leave for Maldives where I'm hoping it'll be sunnier. Love the rain but... it's been pouring since I got back and it's makin me freaking lazy. I wanna cuddle cuddle...

my mum and sis are painting the house... Yawnz... I wanna help but I dunno where to start. I should start thinking about resolutions and evaluate 2006. And just a little montage to brighten up the bloggie. This is me having less than 2 hrs sleep before flight, 2 hrs before meeting sel and 4 hrs before the flight back to singapore.

romantic rainy sunday

So it's 7 days before christmas and i haven't done a single christmas shopping. My never-ending cough and everflowing sniffy nose is driving me crazy.

2007 seems like it's going to be an exciting yr. I can feel it, I can smell it, I can almost taste it! Oh.. apparently, new yrs in london IS already gonna start with a 'high' note! Hur hur hur...

The weather's so nice today, I wish I could sleep in and just stare out the window. I wish I could stare out the window with a ciggie and a glass of... hmm... anything alcoholic. I wish I could drink and fall back asleep.

But I can't fall asleep because of my silly nose block.

Hence I can only wish I could do the above.

Does christmas really make us do silly things just because it's christmas and u know.. the whole love actually thing? Sometimes I ask myself, do I want a quiet or a crazy christmas. And I realise it boils down to who you're spending it with. If it's with someone special, a quiet, just the two of us with close friends will be more than enough. A wild crazy christmas party is... i dunno... maybe a lil more superficial, shared by a group of friends who may be close but are ultimately just friends or worst - aquaintances.

I want my christmas to be with special friends... not clubbing ones...

I feel like I dun wanna be tied down right now. I dunno if it's my heart or head talking right now. Must be the damn rain. I love the rain. *snuggles with mustarsky*

after a long day...

I was just surfing through after a hard day's work to and from the highly taxing canton sector, and stumbled upon prissy-la-la's tarot card blog. Like which tarot card are u and what it symbolises and yadayada. Innocently, I started to click on the link and answered the questions accordingly.

Here are the results.

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

So spooky... eeee....

fighting

fighting back the tears, fighting emotions, it gets so tiring... but why issit so difficult to be happy and just happy and contented being happy?

it wasn't easy watching u go...

fighting with yourself is the most tiring fight you can get into.

yes.. i am THAT bored...

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs. BEWARE: The Hornivore CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

... artists huh...

suddenly i realised...

Shit!! I knoe this is so freakin lame but it was only when i re-read my post that I realise that we do NOT have more than a freaking month left to 2007...

Gosh it's ALREADY december and we're already a week INTO december!

Have I really been that occupied?!~ GEEZ!

alone again, finally

Not that I'm complaining lah... but it's been a while since I'm home alone.. so...

Hooo well!! I'm back and feeling much lighter than usual. Must be the hugeass weight placed on my shoulders that have been putting on weight. I'm talking about the performance lah. Bleah...

It's finally over!!

Boy was it fun or what? I guess the past coupla weeks, even months of spending every single off day in the dance studio with nothing but pink and poles did pay off. Rehearsals were initially kinda slow and up till the day before my performance day, I was still kinda tweaking things around. Thank god everything went smoothly. *PHEW* I'm in love with the pole cept that it gives me nothing but bruises under my arms and inner thighs and calves that I feel so abused. Tough love i guess.

Anywayz, lucky for me, ms dee aka deanna actually took some pics of the nite before the big day and put it up in her bloggy AND took videos of the big nite. Videos will come later, but previews can be found in her bloggy. I'll do my own when i get the pics.

Past coupla weeks have been pretty much roller coaster for me. Almost... well... hmm... i dunno... i DID take my shit, put them in a bag and threw it at a fan but it didn't break. Thankfully... in a way... ah well, it's more sturdy than i expected it to be huh, if not, shit would've splattered and I won't know how to clear it up. Aiyah.. sounds disgusting but u get the drift.

Decided (well vina confirmed the decision for me) that I guess i should give happiness a shot. Being happy or happier... sad or sadder... whatever lah... did take quite a lot of pain and hyperventilation last week to remind myself that I should be happy where I am now so... let's just see where it leads to.

So yep! This yr has passed by in a flash but in hindsight, it's been a pretty awesome year. Will prolly post one of those "looking back in 2006" kinda thing soon... but not yet. Still more than a month to go and more shit can happen.

You just never know...